Welcome to The Ellen DeGeneres Show.
I'm Ellen's guest host Chelsea Handler.
I'm pretty excited to be hosting for Ellen today.
When she asked me to do it, I, of course, said yes.
But it wasn't because she's my friend.
It was because I was on mushrooms
and wanted her to stop talking.
Now a lot of you are probably familiar with me
from my own late night talk shows or my books or my stand
up specials, including my latest one on HBO Max.
It's called Evolution.
There I am wearing white because I'm a virgin.
Most recently, I started a new podcast called
Dear Chelsea, where people call or write
in with their problems, and then I give them my advice--
marital advice, parenting advice, legal advice,
all the areas in which I have no experience in.
To be clear, I'm not licensed to give anyone
professional advice, and I have no medical degrees.
But neither of those things has stopped me
from doing it my entire life.
So today, I thought I could answer some audience questions.
Thank you.
OK, let's start with Deborah.
Where's Deborah?
Right here.
OK, hi, Deborah.
Hi.
What's your question?
My question is do you think it's OK to go through a fast food
drive-through braless?
Braless with a shirt on or braless with no shirt on?
Braless with a shirt on.
OK, I would recommend actually doing a braless
without the shirt on.
I heard people and ladies, especially,
to go topless wherever you want.
You have the freedom and liberation
to choose what you want to do with your breasts
when you want to do them as long as you're wearing a mask.
And I will be wearing a mask.
But be careful because I've been topless probably more than you
have, judging by our conversation,
and you have to be careful with seat belts when you're topless.
And you also have to be careful with breezes and air
conditioning and [INAUDIBLE].
Very good.
Thank you very much.
It was great to meet you.
Nice meeting you, too.
OK, next up, we have Gabriel.
Where's Gabriel?
OK, hi, Gabriel.
Hi, Chelsea.
Hi.
Oh, hi.
How are you?
Good.
How are you?
You don't sound too excited to be here.
Are you OK?
I'm very excited.
OK.
OK, great.
I'm excited, too.
What advice can I give you?
My question is my father recently just got
engaged to his mistress, and I was
wondering what's the appropriate gift
to give him, considering he's still married to my mother?
Which US Senator is your father?
Good question.
I mean, I would go to a candle or something
a meaningless gift.
Actually, you know what?
Don't even get them a gift.
I mean, it is so disappointing to constantly repeat this,
but men are so stupid.
Oh, you know what a good gift is?
I went to IKEA the other day, and they had
those little Swedish meatballs.
Those are fun.
Throw some of that in.
OK, that sounds great.
OK, great.
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you, too.
Thank you.
OK, where is Tiffany?
She's next.
Tiffany?
Hi.
What can I help you with, Tiffany?
I have a question about lady maintenance.
Do we shave or not?
Well, again, I would say that's really your preference,
what you're interested in doing and how you want
to carry and portray yourself.
For instance, I have laser hair removal a long time ago
when it was en vogue to get all of that lasered off.
And then two years later, hair came back in style.
So now I just have to put Latisse on every night
and hope for the best.
OK, I like it, good advice.
Yeah, I think we came to some great conclusions.
Thank you.
And thank you all for your questions, everybody.
I hope my advice helps some of you.
And if it didn't, please send your complaints to Ellen.
And then you can go listen to my podcast Dear Chelsea.