No— Ugh.
Look.
If you can't sing in tune by this age, there's no hope.
Just use auto-tune.
The industry doesn't care.
No one cares in today's day and age, and uh...
(whispers) Two seconds.
And, um...
We'll have a meeting next week.
I just got another call, hold up two seconds.
We'll just buy out 20% of their shares.
Cool. Bye.
Oh my god. So sorry.
Hi.
Nice to meet you.
My name is E,
and I'm the president of Pony Music Agencies.
Hi, yeah.
Thank you so much for the opportunity.
No, no, no.
You're welcome. Please, take a seat.
- Take a seat. - Okay.
All right, so.
Let's see your profile. Hmm.
I heard your Tchaikovsky violin concerto audition last week.
Heard a good, uh... 20 seconds of it.
Very, very beautiful.
I think you have what it takes
to become the next great violinist.
Thank you! That means a lot to me.
You have everything.
You have technique, you have style, you have charm.
It is now up to us
to do what we do best at Pony Agencies.
To turn you from...
A...
How old are you?
I'm 17.
From a young 17-year-old
violinist into a TRUE artist.
Yeah, that sounds awesome.
We need a backstory. So tell,
tell me a little bit about your past.
Uh... I mean,
I had a pretty normal childhood?
That's what you all say, but...
I don't know, did you—
Something that happened in school, maybe some -
I mean...
Well, I do remember one day at school,
I was playing soccer, and...
I scored! And the kid just kicked me.
And how did that feel?
It really hurt.
All right, that's very good. So...
"Ever since then, his entire schooling
life has become a living nightmare."
- Okay... - "But violin was his saving light!"
Perfect!
Good story, good story. We can sell this.
Um, it wasn't really like that.
At all.
Psh, it's fine.
So. Can you dance?
No, I have never danced in my life.
Maybe I'll just book in
- 30 hours of dance sessions with you. - Wait wait wait.
What's this for?
Oh, don't worry. It's just, just...
You gotta learn to do some leg spins and twirls
while you play violin.
Ah, I don't know, I mean...
It's always a bonus if you can strip onstage as well.
- Uh... - Wait!
I just got another idea.
What if we...
Package you...
as...
The fastest violinist in the world?
Can you play Flight of the Bumblebee?
Or you can play it at like,
325 beats per minute.
Or, even better:
What if we say you play 15 notes a second?
*snaps*
I thought I was here to make a career
as a classical violinist.
You know...
Playing Brahms violin concertos, and stuff?
Brahms.
Are you kidding me?
Uh, I mean...
That's why I practiced for 17 years of my life.
You think the mainstream audience
has the attention span to listen to BRAHMS??
Look, look look look.
People are here for you.
And you need to sell a story to them.
Okay?
I don't care what the story is.
You could be the fastest violinist in the world,
you could be a dancing violinist.
Or you could just be the kid that was bullied in school,
and violin saved you
from your dark pit of depression.
Uh...
I don't really suffer from mental illness,
and...
That's a bit weird, don't you think...?
This is a one-in-a-lifetime opportunity
that I'm offering you.
Do you know how many musicians out there
want this position?
I mean, doesn't it feel like ...
I'm selling out, and -
Selling out!
Ohh...
You mean your concert.
Right?
The only thing that's selling out is gonna be your concert.
Next year.
When you do all the things I tell you.
Come on, come on.
Look, I don't know if I feel comfortable about this. Um...
I just feel like it's a bit of selling out
my artistic integrity.
Did you just...
say no to my proposition?
- Yeah. - I am...
the head of Pony Agencies!
The only thing
that is going against my artistic integrity...
- Look, I'm sorry to - - ...is not making money!
So if you can't handle the big boy world,
- Whoa. No look, it's like - - ...why don't you get out,
before I get a cardiac arrest?
I feel so triggered, I need an almond latté!
Extra hot.
*door clicks shut*
Who's next?
Hey, my name's Henry.