we talked a little bit about this over a
drink we had a couple weeks ago but what
about the couples that have no kids
couples that just say you know we're
more interested in our intellectual
pursuits or traveling or something you
think they're really missing sort of
like a key component of of what life is
right I do I really believe that I mean
I think they don't I think the kids have
a bad rap that's the problem that's also
why I wrote this chapter in part because
you know you see this to a lot of
Hollywood depictions of children's very
rare that you see children portrayed
nobly in in a in a in a Hollywood film
you kind of saw it with Harry Potter I
like that and that's partly why that was
so popular I mean those kids had some
you know there were bad kids and there
were good kids and their heroic kids
like they were treated pretty in some
sense realistically given that it was
such a magical you know enterprise and
and but they had some courage and they
had some heart and they had some
rebellious nests and so so I like that
but the thing that you have to
understand about kids is they're
unbelievably good company
you know and so they pay you back for
your care of them and by being
ridiculously amusing they're their
little clouds and they're doing crazy
little stunts all the time and they have
a sense of humor that kicks in like I
have a grandchild now that's two and a
half months old and that child can
already smile and has the beginnings of
a sense of humor and that's to me that's
a miracle yes it is it and so they're
very funny
they're really playful they really
really like you and you can have the
kind of relationship with them that you
set out to have and so that's very very
interesting now and you can also like
once I had little kids I spent a lot
more time with them than I did with my
friends say and the reason for that was
that I actually found it more enjoyable
to do things with little kids than with
the adults and the reason for that is
like by the time you're 30 say you've
seen so much of the world that you
actually don't see the world anymore and
this is technically true like I'm old
I'm 55 when I walk down the street
there's houses I don't look at them I
have
icons in my memory and I just see the
house icons and and so the older you get
in some sense the more what you see of
the world is your memory mm-hmm and
that's kind of its efficient but it's
sort of dead you know and and artists
help break through that they show you
something as if it's new again you know
and and so that's why van Gogh's irises
you know sell for 160 million dollars
it's like you haven't looked at flowers
since you were 3 yeah ok so the thing
that's cool about having a little kid is
everywhere you go because we're so good
at putting ourselves in other people's
bodies the kid revitalizes the world and
the kids like oh i mean that's what a
two-year-old looks like all the time
right they're just completely awestruck
by everything and you can see that again
and that's really interesting man I I
know you know about my love of Star Wars
but I watched Empire Strikes Back with
my five-year-olds at the time nephew and
at the moment when Darth Vader told Luke
II was his father I was staring at him
and he loves Star Wars now and I was
looking at him and the way his eyes
opened I was like wow like what that
that thing like that's what it's all
about right that's what it's all like as
an adult how could I have as a 41 year
old have that experience again and
that's what you're talking about about
sorry and a movie is art oh yeah
absolutely well I took my daughter to
see the masks with Jim Carrey when she
gravely a little bit young for that yeah
and I held her on my lap during I think
she was she was probably only about five
maybe something like that but I took her
out one night we went saw the mask and
it's pretty intense yeah it was like
holding a what would you call a bundle
of electrically charged barbed wire for
our and a half she was kissing I like
that and like I said it was perhaps a
bit much for her yeah heaven had the
knife it was a hole yeah well yeah
exactly
but I mean you you forget how much
impact the world has and you know if you
bring little kids around old people you
can really see this because old people
will sit around like wouldn't we'd first
had my daughter when she was the first
grandchild up on my side we take her up
to this lake
I go to see my parents that way the hell
up in northern Alberta and she was like
a little fire you know how people sit
around a fire and look at it they can't
look away it's because we're all the
descendants of the first crazy
chimpanzee who couldn't keep his god
damn it all that fire you know and
that's what little kids are like and and
the older people just watch them
non-stop and it's partly because they're
participating in that renewal of the
world you know which is like it's like a
reintroduction to the unsullied paradise
of being something like that and the but
it only works if he if you like your
kids and so there's a disciplinary
element that's really important too and
one of the things that modern parents
don't understand and I think this is
because of the exceptionally permissive
ethos of the 1960s when we developed
this idea that everything that society
does to children is bad mm-hmm and so
don't damage your children like by
putting restrictions on them it's like
that's just that's so wrong that it's
almost impossible it's why people shy
away from kids because they don't
understand that you don't have to put up
with any unpleasant you don't have to
put up with any unnecessary unpleasant
nonsense from children it's not
necessary it's interesting so that you
could almost argue that the the sixties
led to exactly what you're talking about
these kids who then were taught to be
afraid of everything they become a mess
they're the parents of now and that's
probably in part why they're having less
children or at least talking about
family and children in a different way
well and there's there's also less trust
in the structure of the family because
the divorce rate has proliferated and
it's hard like there's a woman in our
department in the psychology department
who's Allison what's Allison's last name
she's gonna hate me if she ever watches
this can't think of it we'll post it
both because you're gonna get it the
second week anyways she showed that if
you if you interfere with the maternal
relationship between rats and their pups
because rat children are called pups
that you can see the detrimental effects
of that disruption three generations
later Wow right yeah so you know you
disrupt those early barns you just
the familial structure that echoes it
takes a look it's like an oral tradition
in some sense you know because being a
good mother is not just something that
you're taught it's something that you
kind of have in your bones if you were
mothered properly like my father was an
excellent father especially when I was a
little kid he really spent a lot of time
with me and I used to love it when he
came home and and like I have a natural
affinity for little kids and I do
believe it's it's in large part that's
why it's because I just know how to
react with them and it's me I do believe
it's because of the way that I was
treated when I was a little kid you
disrupt that it's like good lots of
people don't trust themselves his
parents say because they were hurt or
they didn't have good role models or
they don't trust the familial structure
and so you know that all that all makes
people afraid
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