Clay Andrews: In this video, we're going to talk
about exactly how your ex could potentially fall back in love with you and how to make that happen.
But first, my name is Clay with modernlove.life. We help you get the great loving relationship
that you're looking for without having to play hard to get, without having to play mind games,
and without having to pretend to be someone or something that you are not because you, of course,
deserve to be loved for the unique, amazing, and wonderful person and that you are. If you agree
with me, please do me a favor by giving this video a thumbs up and by subscribing to this
YouTube channel. Every thumbs up that you give us, every subscribe that you give us helps to lift us
up on the YouTube algorithm, so please, help a guy out with his channel if you find value from
this and you want to see this channel succeed. Also, we are going to be talking about a path,
a plan for getting back together with your ex. If that is something that you want some help with,
just know that we do have our course called the Ex Solution Program. You can find info on
that down below in the description box. If it's right for you, feel free to sign up. If it's not
right for you, no worries. If you just want to curiously check it out, the link's down there.
Okay, so if you and your ex are going to get back together, there are a few things that
need to happen, a few simple sequential steps that need to happen for this to
actually occur. First of all, you and your ex broke up for some reason. Chances are, you
probably know what that reason is. It's uncommon that I will talk to someone who is just completely
in the dark about why their ex broke up them. Usually, people know why their ex broke up
with them. It was some degree of, "Hey, we weren't connecting enough," "Hey, we just
let things slide to a certain degree," "Hey, I knew that things were bad, but I didn't know
that they were that bad," or something along those lines. You probably have some sort of instinctive
understanding about why your ex broke up with you. If you don't then, just go ahead and trust your
intuition and say, "Okay, if I had to guess why it happened, what was it? What do I think was the
thing that drove that wedge between us?" If you need to put yourself in your ex's position, see
the world from their point of view and say, "Okay, if I was them, knowing everything that I know
about them and their personality and everything that makes them tick, what would potentially
push me over the edge to say, 'You know what? I'm done. This isn't the right thing for me.'"
But anyway, once you figure out what caused that breakup, or once you know what caused
that breakup, you're going to have to change that because, obviously, the relationship
wasn't working, for your ex anyway, and that caused them to leave. Whatever that reason was,
you need to correct that to demonstrate to them that, "Okay, whatever that problem was,
it's not going to be a problem moving forward." Secondly, after that, your ex needs to understand
that they're not walking back into the same relationship that they walked out of in the place.
Now, this is kind of building off of that first step. Sure, you can go ahead and make some sort
of change. You can go ahead and apologize for something that you did wrong. You can go ahead and
reform yourself in some way or shift the dynamic in some way, but your ex is not going
to fundamentally put a lot of trust in any sort of change that you make, at least not initially.
They're going to think, "Oh, is this just you on your best behavior? Is this you
just trying to get back together with me? Is this some gimmick that you learned? Is this
some trick that you're just pulling to get back to normal and then you're just going to go back
to the person that you were before?" It's normal. There's this very common
gap of trust that forms between two people during a breakup, and in order for your ex
to truly believe that they're not walking back into the same relationship, they might like
any positive change that they see in your behavior or your way of being or something like that,
but they aren't going to trust it fully at first. It's only through consistency that they can start
to put trust into your change, your way of being, how you're coming across to them.
Once that happens, then a switch flips, and they're like, "Okay, I get it. It's not just a
gimmick. It's not just you on your best behavior. It's not just something that you're doing to try
to win me back and then it's going to be back to the bad old days or anything like that."
You really need to be able to fully and consistently demonstrate your ex that they are
not walking back into the same relationship that they walked out of in the first place. This is why
those mind games don't work. This is why the reverse psychology doesn't work. This is why
they're playing hard to get and all that stuff doesn't work. It's
because it's really just a stunt, a gimmick. If you really are over-invested but you're
pretending to be uninvested, if you really do care a lot, but you're just doing no-contact
because someone on YouTube told you to do no-contact, it's going to not be truly authentic
at some point. You might be able to fake it once or twice or something, but at some point,
as they say, when the tide goes out, you find out who's swimming without a swimsuit on.
We want to make sure that we're actually coming across in a real, genuine, authentic sort of way,
so any change that we make is actually legitimate, it's real, it's not just some gimmick, some stunt,
some quick tip, trick, Ninja mind game or something like that to try to get back
together with your ex. It has to be legit. It has to be real. That's the second thing.
The third thing is that you and your ex have to actually be able to connect on an emotional
level. By the way, we do have an entire playlist on connecting with your ex through what we call
Advanced Relational Skills. If you want to check out that playlist, feel free to check
out the video card up there in the corner for our Advanced Relational Skills playlist. A lot
of people find it really helpful, and it is sort of the foundational cornerstone of a lot of what
we teach here on this channel and through the Modern Love website, which is our business.
But connecting with your ex is, of course, important. Your ex has to be able to
see that, "Okay, that's great. You've changed. That's great. Whatever the problem was that
that caused us to break up before in the past is no longer a problem. Excellent. But why am
I actually going to go back into this situation?" They have to actually enjoy interacting with you.
They actually have to have an emotional connection with you that they can't get anywhere else.
This should be reasonably easy for you since you were obviously together with them. You know how
they work, you know how to connect with them, but there's some subtleties that do come with
connecting in a deeper level such as being present with one another, such as actually being able to
have the conversational skills to create that emotional connection and to deepen it and to
show up in a way that's in alignment with the person that you truly are because that's how we
actually create these emotional connections. We actually start to reveal and become
vulnerable and transparent with one another. The more we can both become vulnerable and
transparent, the more we can both see who the other person is, and that's going to actually
allow bridges of connection to form, but again, if I go for too much on this, it's going to go off on
a tangent, but check out that Advanced Relational Skills playlist if you do want to learn more about
connecting with your ex on an emotional level. Then, of course, the fourth thing that your ex
needs to have happened for them to fall back in love with you.
Let's take a step back here. Up until this point, you have demonstrated some sort of change. You
have demonstrated this change is legitimate and genuine. It's not just as a stunt or a gimmick
or something like that, and you've connected with your ex on an emotional level. Okay,
great. What is it that's going to take that to the next level that's going to actually make them want
to fall in love with you again, to actually get the relationship with you another chance,
to see a new potential, a new future together? That is that they have to see their life
with you in it as better than their life without you in it. That means that there has to be some
sort of positive future, some sort of positive experience for them to step into. It can't just
be about, "We're going to live the same kind of life that we're living right now except we're
going to be together and we're going to be able to talk about feelings," or something like that.
That might work for some people, but I know you don't just want to say, "Okay, I've got this at
like 50% power. Let's see how far this gets me." You probably want this at 100% power so you can
go as far as you need to go. The best way to do that is to show them that when they come into
your life, when you invite them into your life, it's going to be a massive benefit for them,
and their life is going to be better, their experience of life is going to be improved,
and they're going to enjoy themselves a lot more because you are together in this
experience of life together as a team. This, of course, involves you living into
your highest values. This involves you doing things that are exciting and motivating and
interesting for you. This involves you doing all of these things that you want to do but maybe you
just haven't gotten around to doing it yet, maybe you just haven't prioritized it enough yet, maybe
you just haven't given yourself permission to go after those dreams because the more you go after
the things that are important to you, the more you push yourself past your comfort zone, the more you
actually pursue meaningful things for you, the more that's going to bring you into your highest
self, and the more that's going to inspire them to want to show up as a partner in that as well too.
Again, these four steps demonstrate change, why the breakup happens, show them that, hey,
why what happened is not a problem anymore, show them consistently that this is real,
this isn't just a gimmick, a stunt, you on your best behavior or anything like that,
actually connect with them on an emotional level so the two of you can actually have that sort of
person-to-person bond, and then four, show them that their life is better with you in it. Through
all of this, your ex will start to fall in love with you again. They'll start to see a future
together with you again, and they'll probably very seriously consider committing to you again.
If this is something that you do want some help with, once again, we do have
our course called the Ex Solution Program. You can find information on that down below,
and if it seems like a good fit for you, feel free to sign up. If not, no worries. But once again,
this is Clay with modernlove.life. Thanks so much for watching this video. If you do like
what we are doing here on this channel, if you do want to this channel, hit that thumbs up button,
subscribe to this YouTube channel. If you want more about those Advanced Relational Skills,
we do have that video playlist right over here, or you might want to check out this video over here,
but once again, thank you so much. Please take care, and I'll talk to you next time.