you came out of a four-and-a-half-year
wandering retreat in the fall of 2015
and you had a near-death experience
after only being on your retreat for
about three weeks
mm-hmm did the near-death experience
mm-hmm sharpen or focus or in some way
influence how you understood the whole
beginning of the trip so at the
beginning of course I have this the
notion of letting go
I learned this for my father and I have
no idea what will happen with my journey
although I prepare a lot of you know
imaginings I'm on the street nothing and
I try to train myself to let go
look at those Baker's and you know but
I'm not idea what may happen but then as
I go to the journey not so easy so I
felt like oh I was quite naive to think
about that especially the journey from
petechiae to Varanasi all these I I
forget to calculate not include that so
shop and then of course I practiced my
normal meditation and then especially
what helps me is Oh part oh yes this is
my part o part o in this train this
crowd and that helped me to begin to
think about Bardo and I think that helps
me to change the different direction
different perspective about all my
projects become kind of letting go let
myself die and try to really embrace
with the fresh whatever present now
so two things let go but not just
letting go once the letting go the fresh
assent the fresh yourself and you see
the fresh were all there so through that
I became to form this particular
experience med practice then of course
then later I went to push another and I
have almost died at that time I really
focused about the death and dying
meditation and that really breakthrough
really helps for me
what is that being breakthrough what did
you break through so that is really
helped me to break through it's like I
have to really let my also die and not
just ideally not just kind of like I
want to let die even physical body I'm
going to die so to let go and be as s
not easy but then somehow I did it and
then what I saw is that is not the
energy even normally what we call grow
the last breath grow till last breath
learn until the last breath even after
the breath you can learn a lot you will
have great discovery within yourself so
the journey of time for me is
transformed into a great journey one of
the best time in my life so I was it
really you know I appreciate about this
practice lineage and then of course I
learned this from my father lot of great
other teachers but before it's like
story you know but then after having
this on us dying experience and I for me
these teachings really become alive and
I have sense of great confidence
temperature you grew up in a culture in
which rebirth reincarnation reborn are
very very familiar in our culture none
of that language is familiar and when
you talk it sounds as if if you have a
strong sense of being reborn it may be
easier to let go otherwise let go feels
like physical death
there's no confidence that letting go
will lead to rebirth that actually is
happening whether we recognize it or not
but that that we need to sort of come to
a much more deeper understanding of what
it means to perhaps change our view of
what it means to be reborn to be have
rebirth in this lifetime over and over
and over again as a way of helping
ourselves to let go of course I think if
you believe about the what we call
awareness our mind the real when you try
to pinpoint when you recognize your mind
is what people awareness and what we
call awareness never dies so if you
believe that then of course more easy to
let go right but I think for me even you
cannot understand about that but just
learning about the death and dying and
learning about death and dying it helps
for me to let go of the my old self
right now because what I call this fixed
mind somehow is kind of related with the
death if you don't face death and dying
then we hold this fixed mind we don't
know how to let it go so for me learning
dead and dying helps right now to make
you become more alive become more
meaningful living and that continues I
think
until you're almost stop the breath you
can learn a lot even after you stop
breath you still can learn a lot great
adventure so nowadays everybody like to
have adventure right why not have the
best adventure after you stop your
breath and no regret no betray you
referred earlier to the adventure the
journey of writing the book itself in
the beginning of the book you talk a lot
about the death of the roles the abbot
the teacher the Lama the tool and then
you wandered for four and a half years
and you came back mhm and once again you
were the teacher in the lava and the of
it mm-hmm it was the same were different
yeah I let go hmm
teacher a bit the head of the monastery
a head of the organization and I come
back again but for me now I'm not really
fixing although I'm holding the title
but I don't feel same as like before
before there's some kind of like aim and
kind of like the good way is they like
care but now I'm not the care less but
carefree deep-level walks out great
don't walk so don't walk out okay in
Tibet we have one kind of like example
if you if everything goes right will
become your but if not goes right will
become cheese anyway it is a part oh
it's changing so each in between each
game has lot of great things to learn
great things to grow if you know that go
and how to flow
the reality how to be with the reality
that you shall die be present with the
bottle I think not everything is useful
how does it actually manifest this
carefree but not careless does it have
does it help does it take us a form that
it didn't have before mmm I've got you
come back of course there's a lot of
problems there different problems right
the organization problem monastic has
problem not the big problem yes but a
lot of things I have to deal with it but
before then my mind little bit tight
okay have to be right and then this is
the wrong and there's a black and white
and I see the black clear and I don't
like the white no or mostly both has
great different purpose different hmm
benefit and then it's depend on you how
you can make it things happen not
necessary to one way it will not
understand the part oh then you will
stuck with only one possibility the way
you're using Berto here is continuous
change continuous change yes sir so
that's would be one like the part of
teachings are about the continuity of
life and again especially the big one in
the middle up and down up and down
changing and then the great opportunity
is that big gap during this moment in
between the big gap meaning success or
loss in between the gap so that's the
Bardo so we understand the Bardo it
helps what we mean Bardo Pardo meaning
is intermediate in between so the in our
life the greatest opportunity to know
who you are to explore see the reality
it's this kept these moments like for me
when I leave monastery my role
everything and to start something
completely new in that moment it's very
precious but of course very scary that
gap become scary and the problem or
become solution and joyful depend on you
that you are accepting that you are
dealing the Bardo considered a distant
moment and have this instruction then
you can transform it that moment to
adventure to grow yourself to let go
after the fixed mind all all mine
so these moments are the glimpse that it
really comes very near to you I mean
these these moments are the best
opportunity to really yours yourself
really become close to you because
before that their layers so for example
let's say if this bright light inside
the house and there's a window
wall-to-wall another window so that the
Bardo from the window then the wall is
not the bottle you are holding on your
fixed mind but then the wall is finished
then there's a frac the crack of the
window there's the gap and that crack
through that you can connect with the
light that light is your true nature
who you are and they had more men if you
really want to transform something new
something new of yourself grow yourself
transform yourself most easiest one
today you were doing exit
sizes in the meditation hall and they're
all about interrupting their quote
normal mind the muttering mind so is
that the gap that you're talking about
here the interruption introduction
talked about of the seizing your yeah
all of these interruptions interruptions
the normal mine steady and then there's
a develop of this concept layers after
layers to who we are what you should act
what the world is there's a lot of
preconception how to break that of
course I want to break not so easy but
when you're really facing the gap in
your life that is the most easy one to
break that one and to really connect
with who who you are the genuine
yourself so there are a lot of
traditional ways of recognizing the gap
in our ordinary life like sneezing
yawning stretching all of these ways
what you did was a huge gap that you
very deliberately arranged for you
orchestrated this enormous disruption is
that helpful for the rest of us yeah
yeah I should comment you know the one
day you just go and no money no nothing
and then I'm just I mean that I'm not at
the beginning I didn't expect it like
that way you know I'm not expected I'm
going to have this almost dying
experience a no but you did arrange a
huge interruption in your normal life of
course I did that yeah but in our
everyday life we have this plenty of
opportunity so you don't need to look
out there it's just there you have to
recognize it especially when you are
facing some challenge yeah there's a gap
there problem there is gap unexpected
things happen here yet these are great
opportunity
did your experience of almost dying
everyday how did it affect how you think
about your physical death now or in your
own preparations for physical dying is
there a difference between dying every
day and contemplating physical death hmm
so for me yeah there's a different
between of course the physical death is
really dying and there's a lot of moment
the gaps or these are also dying but
general the experience is same so the
moss in normally when we have the great
fear great confusion in school feeling
of insecure feeling of kind of life lose
meaning of life all this comes when we
are experiencing this the moment the gap
in our life so when we die something we
will feel this and we will feel now
because that time actually we are dying
whether you accept or not but important
if you let it die that in fact it's not
so bad it is really great you will learn
more you grow more and you will see
later who knows who you are okay it's
really great if you have faith in the
rebirth yeah of course but I mean even
you have doubters also okay who knows
just prepared these I had this
experience you know and even the last
bread you can do something right how
nice