-I'm so excited about this, you guys --
Lin-Manuel Miranda is my guest tonight on the show.
-Whoa! [ Cheers and applause ]
-Lin-Manuel Miranda. -Wow!
-He can sing. He can dance. He can act.
Right now, I feel like I'm cheating on Justin Timberlake.
I really do. I... [ Laughter ]
Guys, Christmas is just eight days away,
and even President Trump is in the holiday spirit.
Yep. Today, he asked if he could replace the border wall
with a line of high-kicking Rockettes.
[ Laughter ] Yeah.
"How many are there?" Yeah.
Actually, the big story
is that Trump might shut down the government
if he doesn't get $5 billion for his border wall.
And he wants $5 billion more
to hire Aquaman to guard the ocean between Miami and Cuba.
[ Laughter ] "I got to have Momoa."
[ Laughter ]
I saw this morning Trump tweeted about the wall,
but he misspelled the word "border."
Take a look at this.
Yeah, he spelled "boarder" with an...
[ Laughter ] ...with an "A."
At this point, Trump's spell-check is like,
"Ah, close enough?" [ Laughter ]
"I mean, right? You get it, right?
Ah! I'm exhausted." [ Cheers and applause ]
-Whoo!
-Yesterday, White House Advisor Stephen Miller
went on "Face the Nation" to talk about the wall.
A lot of people think he used spray-on hair before --
it's real. [ Laughter ]
I'm not saying he did, but a lot of people
are saying that he did -A lot of people are saying it.
-That he used spray-on hair before his interview.
This is a picture of Miller before the interview --
and this is all real.
Then, on TV, he looked like this.
[ Laughter ]
[ Laughter continues ]
People -- People got suspicious
when he went to get a haircut at Sherwin-Williams, you know?
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
Yeah.
Even weirder, he also sprayed some
on his chest and under his arms. -Really?
-Yeah, that's weird, yeah. [ Laughter ]
Well, if you actually watch the full interview,
the spray-on hair was pretty noticeable.
I don't know. Take a look at this.
-We begin today with White House Senior Advisor Stephen Miller.
He is the President's point person...
-Yeah. -...on policy.
This federal judge... [ Aerosol can spraying ]
...and the decision to strike down Obamacare
as unconstitutional --
this could put at risk about 20 million Americans
who rely on it for coverage, including Medicare and Medicaid.
What is your reaction and how do you reassure those Americans
that they're okay? [ Spraying continues ]
-Well, obviously, there's no change immediately in Obamacare.
-I'm just saying a little -- a little obvious.
-He gave himself a mustache? [ Cheers and applause ]
-You can hear the spray.
-He just painted a mustache on himself?
This is ridiculous.
-Some more news -- I read that right now
there are 17 different investigations
into Trump, his administration, and his businesses.
There are so many, look at how CNN covered it this weekend.
-Here's what we do know that is under investigation right now --
The Trump Organization, the Trump Foundation,
the Trump campaign, the Trump inauguration,
and the Trump transition and the Trump administration.
-Trump was like, "All I need is my casino to get investigated,
and I have bingo!"
[ Laughter ] "Come on, casino! Come on!"
[ Applause ] Trump bingo.
Oh, later -- and this is weird --
CNN used that same graphic,
but they were also able to show Trump's reaction.
Check this out.
-Here's what we do know that is under investigation right now --
The Trump Organization, the Trump Foundation,
the Trump campaign, the Trump inauguration,
and the Trump administration. [ Laughter ]
-Amazing, right? [ Applause ]
-Wow! -Wow!
-[ Laughs ] -That's right.
Trump is dealing with several scandals right now,
but he tweeted that the real scandal is, quote,
"unfair news coverage."
And -- And, so, this is real.
Here's what three different networks were covering
at the exact same time this morning --
at 7:01 a.m. this morning, three different networks --
here's what they were covering.
Let's see if he has a point.
♪♪
-Just 34% believe the President is being honest and truthful.
♪♪
-The Trump campaign, the Trump transition,
the Trump administration,
the Trump charity, the Foundation --
all of those are under investigation.
♪♪
-Bacon bits are actually soybean.
[ Laughter ] -Uh, those are actually bacon.
[ Laughter ] -Bacon bits are suing him.
[ Applause ]
I -- Looks fair to me.
I don't know what this problem is.
You guys hear about this? Mick Mulvaney has agreed
to become Trump's Acting Chief of Staff,
but says that he only wants to do the job for six months.
You can tell working for Trump is tough
because people are quitting before they even start.
It's like, "Yeah, I'm going to quit, so...
I'll take the job, but I'm out.
No way." [ Applause ]
Well, as I mentioned, Christmas is next week,
which means a lot of people are shopping online
for the holidays.
It turns out that many websites
have actually suffered security breaches.
In fact, some of our audience members tonight were hacked,
so we were able to find out what that they bought this year.
I thought I'd show you at home what a few examples are.
So, this person right here, for example, he...
[ Laughter ]
...he bought a couples massage for one.
I mean, what is that?
[ Cheers and applause ] This...
This person --
she bought a laser tattoo removal
because it's a long story. [ Laughter ]
I don't want to know. I don't want to know.
This person here -- she got noise-canceling headphones
"so, on the ride home, I don't have to listen
to the person I came here with." [ Laughter ]
That is so rude! That's your friend!
[ Applause ]
This person here bought
the "Fifty Shades of Grey" audiobook collection.
[ Laughter ] Ooh, la, la!
Just read it, for God's sakes. [ Applause ]
Look at this person -- this person here bought a work bong.
What does that even mean? -A work bong?
[ Laughter ] -What is a work bong?
[ Applause ]
This person here bought a 24-pack of denim underwear.
I didn't even know that's a real thing.
[ Applause ]
And finally, this person bought Viagra, but for a friend.
[ Laughter ] And there you go, everybody!
We have a great show tonight!
Give it up for The Roots! [ Cheers and applause ]