♪ ♪
Hello.
This is Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick.
How are you, Patricia. Nice to see you.
Look at you. What a honey-bunny, huh?
All right, what are we doing?
We are going to cover a few social graces,
-if you don't mind. -I mind all of this.
Handshakes are appropriate
for most, uh, senior government officials.
It's always best to let them take the initiative
in extending the hand for a shake.
And then you touch-- look.
First you touch here, and then you go-- wait, wait, wait--
one... No, no, no.
One... No. One... No.
-You be Kim Jong-un. -All right.
Okay.
-Don't I go like this, and then go pow! -Uh, no, no.
So, you're gonna face, heart to heart,
-belly button to belly button... -Okay.
Now you're Putin.
Hey, Vlad, how are you?
I love you. I love you so much.
-Mmm, mmm... -Nah, I don't think so.
-So, let's talk about your appearance, all right? -Right.
I just, your white shirts are perfect,
-your navy suits are perfect, -White, perfect, crisp, white,
-your... -pure white,
-your red power color... -the great race, the pure race,
-So I would recommend -the white race.
you button your top button.
Did... Well, that's not right.
-Perfect. It's perfect. -No, the top button in the top hole.
I always put it in the wrong hole.
Now, let's look... Look in the mirror.
Look how much nicer that looks.
Who's that weird guy?
What a great impression you make when your jacket...
-Look at that. -Who's this guy?
-And then when you sit down... -Who is that guy!
Who is that!
-What's happening? Who is he? -Sir, okay...
-Who? -Sir, that's you.
It's you. It's gonna be okay.
It's you in the mirror.
Oh. That's perfect. Look at me.
All right, I just want to make one recommendation.
The tie should come to the middle of your belt buckle.
But how is everybody not gonna know where the party is?
Well, I think they'll know,
because you've told them many times.
Please. Give me a break.
Who is that!
Just try and focus.
You're the president.
Excuse me.
Shall we dine?
Could you find South Africa on this map?
Everybody knows that.
Oh, man!
Uh...
The napkin-- you fold it in half.
And the open part goes toward the table.
What am I? What am I?
I'm my dad at his meetings.
-Mr. President? -What?
Are you going to embarrass the United States
by not knowing how to handle these things?
No. I'm going to embarrass the United States
by sidling up to neo-Nazis.
All right. Good for you.
So, find South Africa, please.
Okay. It was south.
Is it this?
-No. -What is that?
That's the logo on the globe.
Oh.
Waiter?
Get over here, you idiot. Human garbage.
Mr. President, we call the waitstaff
with a little finger up.
Mr. President.
How about this?
-Like this? -Just... just a simple hand gesture.
What about, do we want saluting?
-No. -Okay.
-Please, not this. -Can I go...?
No.
That's all sides.
Black power. Hail Hitler.
The same. All sides.
-Let's practice what we learned, okay? -Okay.
You see?
And then... You're ruining the steak with ketchup?
(with mouth full): Ruining?
All right, this is, um...
-Sir... -That's good
Whoa!
Who's that!
There's a ghost in the mirror,
and he's filled with hate,
and he speaks to me through the mirror.
And he says...
"Find the way
to destroy as many people as possible."
I hate the man in the mirror...
'cause he knows my secrets.
-I have a recommendation. -Right.
Get rid of the mirrors.
(quietly): Get rid of the mirrors.
Get rid of the mirrors. Get rid of the mirrors.
No.
How did you get in here?
Paul. Paul!
Yes, sir?
No!
No. Get out of my mind!
No!
(muttering)
-You. -(indistinct whispering)
I understand.
Yes, master.
Whatever you want, master.