So I was kinda unsure whether or not I should draw my life for you..
because I’ve never really liked to put myself in the spotlight and I did never like to be
on stage. Every time I’ve been on stage, I’ve looked like a bright red tomato..
There are so many inspiring life stories out there.. including yours… and believe me,
I’d love to hear each and every one of them, but today I’ll share with you my story..
and maybe my highs and lows, trials and tribulations will somehow put a smile on your face. So
here’s my story.
It all started on a cold, bright sunny day in April 1982 in Germany.. when a little girl
with big blue eyes landed safely into this world.
Okay, that was the perfect part of my life, now off to the adventures, trial and errors!
I was born as the only child to a 19 year old, strong and adventurous mom, and a dad
I do not know much about because he and my mom did not make it very far and when they
broke up, my dad and I somehow lost contact. And well. what can I say.. It’s been more
than 20 years since I last heard from him and I’ve somehow always missed him..
So for the first years of my life, I grew up with only my mom, who at times sold milk
bottles because we were broke. We lived in tiny flats of which one almost burned down
because my mom loved christmas candles.. but that’s another story.
But one day when the water from our broken washing machine caused the roof of the apartment
beneath us to be completely soaked, my mom went downstairs to apologize. The guy who
opened the door had long, big, brown curls and eyelashes. Needless to say, my mom fell
head over heels in love with him. And ever since that day, this wonderful man took care
of us and treated me like his own daughter.
Then school started. Well.. But not for me because after a couple of days in school the
teacher told my mom:
“I think it is better if you take her out of school again. She only sits on her chair
with big dreamy eyes, staring out of the window. It seems she is not ready yet.”
After a couple of times moving back and forth to different places, my mom decided to move
to one of the probably strangest places in Germany (well at least I thought so).. a small
village close to the Baltic Sea)
Everyone thought it was paradise, but to me it was horrible. All I can remember is that
in the 10 years I lived there, all I thought about was a master plan to leave that place
as fast as possible.
And when I started school at the Baltic Sea, things got really dark for me. I was new to
the village and my family and I were somehow seen as aliens to the people there.
I got bullied in every imaginable way.
.. from plain bitching, to being beaten up physically, to having my clothes taken away
at the beach so that I had to walk home naked, having the wheels of my bicycle slashed, and
the worse - being beaten up with words.
At that time in my life, my diaries were my best friends. I felt so worthless, stupid,
unloved, incapable of achieving anything, and incredibly lonely.
The only times I remember enjoying was when I would hang out with a bunch of guys on the
basketball court. Throwing some hoops while listening to some good rap music was my kinda
therapy back then.
When I turned 14, I was done with Sarah, Karen, Nancy (I changed the names for obvious reasons)
and all the other numbnuts who bullied me. I explained to my mom that I had to leave
and go to Brazil. Brazil seemed far enough away from all those bullies, and there was
sunshine.. something I thought I really needed at this time..
Well, I did not end up in Brazil, but Denmark. (.. after I got well enough on my mom’s nerves)
Denmark wasn’t as far away as Brazil, but it was still another country. So I moved.
And things got a lot better in Denmark. I found new friends.. and life almost felt really
good. except when one night this man who I thought was my friend really, really hurt me
some would call it abuse.. anyways it was another big thing which influenced me
a lot in my life.
But I’ve always been an optimist and so I decided to give myself another chance and
changed my first name. I felt so much sadness and heaviness attached to my old name, and
I was really ready to become a greater version than the old me.
The coolest thing I remember about my time in Denmark were the last words Mrs. Aalbert,
my religion teacher, told me after I finished my exam. She said:
“I can see you doing very important things in your future, which will have a great and
positive impact on the world.”
Of course back then, I thought Mrs Aalbert was nuts. Obvisouly.. I mean I saw myself
as a nobody and a weirdo with many insecurities, plus I had nothing I was really good at. Well..
I loved writing, but my teachers always told me it wasn’t good enough to get me anywhere.
Anyways after school, I followed my dream and explored the world. I lived in Brazil,
did a documentary there, fell in love with a Brazilian guy with whom I had kind of a
“Bonny & Clyde” relationship, did some crazy adventures that almost got me killed,
helped build a charity in the ghettos of Brazil, went back to Germany, then to Honduras, worked
on another charity there, moved back to Germany
and got to know one of the most important people in my life.
I was 21, wild, adventurous & extroverted when I met Oliver. And Oliver.. well, he was
pretty much the opposite. Calm, cool-headed and rather introverted.
We were like yin and yang, moon and sun, fire and water, .. and yes we went through many
many highs and lows.. and lots of growth as you guys know.
Anyways somehow, we managed to stay together until today. til infinity and beyond. I love
u boo.)
After I came back to Germany i tried to find something I was good at .. well and failed
again. One company kicked me out and another one went bankrupt.
Honestly I was so fed up. Fed up with me trying so hard to be normal. Fed up living life according
to the rules. Fed up with living for the weekends, only to party and drink myself into unconsciousness.
And most of all I was done with the system which made me believe that all I needed in
order to be happy was a decent job, lots of money to be spend on a big car, big house
and useless stuff, a husband and babies. Tadaaaa happy.
Well not really.
Deep inside I knew that there was something bigger out there in life. And to find that
I knew I had to finally listen to my heart and own my weirdness.. or lets call it uniqueness.
This decision changed my life completely.
I became more conscious about the foods I ate, the people I surrounded myself with,
the books I read and the places I went to. And on top of that I gave birth to my greatest
inspiration of all.. my sonshine, Jonah.
I started to trust my heart and together with Oliver I took the decision to get rid of everything
we owned, gather the money we had saved and move to Bali. (.. just so you know..I had
never been there before but I somehow knew that everything would be alright.)
For the first time in my life I was okay being a maverick. And even kinda grateful to Nancy,
Sarah, Karen because their bullying had made me into a strong women who was ready to jump
into the unknown.
And somehow with faith in life.. with dedication to personal growth and realness we turned
the few dollars we had into some more and upleveled our relationship into magic.
I basically went from living a life to creating a life. From being with a partner, to being
with a soulmate.
And really never ever did I expect or hope for the magic that happened with MyTinySecrets
right from the start. All I wanted was to be true to myself, live in alignment and heal
all broken aspects of myself.
So if there is one thing I learned in this life it is this:
Never ever let anyone tell you you cannot do it. Because you can.
Remember my teacher who told me I am not a good writer.. well MyTinySecrets is all about
writing and sharing..
You really are a mighty creator. You can make all your dreams come true if only you learn
to believe in yourself.
And remember Nancy, Karen & Sarah who had so much fun bullying me? Well, they still
live in the same small village I left almost 20 years ago to pursue my dreams..
And remember Ms. Aalbert, my religion teacher? Her loving words accompanied me throughout
my whole life. So this for you, Ms. Aalbert: Thank you for believing in me.
Maybe there should be more Ms. Aalberts in this world. More people who instead of doubt,
have faith in their daughters, sons, mothers, friends.. no matter what path they chose in
life.
I know I am not perfect myself and I’ve messed up quite a few things in life but you
know what.. it’s human. This life is not meant to be perfect, we are meant to walk
through the polarities of life .. through darkness and light, because one cannot exist
without the other. And one day maybe we can see that the imperfect is perfect as well,
that it is the darkness which leads us into the light.
I am sending you lots of energy for your own journey throughout life. And if times are
tough follow the soft voice of your heart. This is your soul.. your true self. It will guide you
guide you.