By the end of this video, you are going to know what the covert narcissists
deepest sense of shame is.
Hey there, I'm Rebecca Zung.
I'm an attorney.
I am a narcissist negotiation expert and on this channel
and in my videos, I teach you all about narcissist
and how to negotiate powerfully with
them so that you can become way more powerful
and shift the dynamic and finally feel like you
can go on the offensive with them
instead of feeling like you're constantly on the defensive
and if that's something that you want to do, then I would suggest,
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Okay, so let's talk about shame.
Obviously. You can't talk about shame without talking about Brene Brown.
She's the queen of shame.
I always think it's funny when you talk about her.
She tells a really funny story about how when she was on an airplane
one time and she didn't really want to
have a conversation with the person next to her
and the person said,
oh, what do you do for a living?
and she said,
oh, I talk about shame and the person was like,
oh never mind.
I think I'll just take a nap.
But basically she distinguished shame versus guilt
and she said that shame is
I am bad vs. Guilt
which is I feel bad.
So shame is just deep down inside.
I feel that I am at my core inherently bad,
you know, there's something seriously wrong with me
and that really is the essence of what is going on with a narcissist.
Unfortunately that something happened with them when they were children.
They weren't born narcissist.
Nobody is born a narcissist.
By the way.
I mean, you know,
when we're born as babies, where you think the world is a pretty good place,
you know, we're happy and fine and all is good and all of us are born thinking,
we're good, you know, there's nothing wrong and that's
how it should be that we were actually born pretty good.
Lots of different possibilities
and we were meant to be here and I tell people that all the time.
You know, you were meant to be here, the chances of you being,
you were like one in 10 million trillion or something like that
which is kind of incredible.
So it's really sad what happened to narcissist into a lot of us.
You know, the world beats us up.
Something traumatic happened in their childhood
that made them think that something
was really seriously wrong with them
and they really just decided that the world is a scary place
and that they're in a world of survival at the most pathological level
and I always have to say, you know,
my like PSA, my message to you empaths out there.
No, you can't fix them
and no you can't love them back to health
and know you can't stay with them and fill that dark
black hole of void.
From everything that I've read and
all of the psychologist and psychiatrist that I've spoken to.
They can't be fixed for the most part.
I mean the the level of self-awareness that they would
have to have and the amount of therapy that
they have to go through to be fixed is a lot
and most of them don't bother a,nd if they do
you know sit in therapy most of them don't respond well to it
so I'm just you right now that your chances of sitting around
and waiting for it or probably not very good.
Like don't think that that's going to be the best solution for you.
So that's just like my little aside there.
So it's going back to the issue in
hand which is what is covert narcissist most ashamed of.
All right. So that's the focus on the behavior
which is shame is I am bad.
Okay.
So they are ashamed of who they really are
and remember their images,
their obsession and that's
you know, what I teach is like how you create leverage
and the strategy around how to create that leverage.
My SLAY strategy.
Strategy Leverage Anticipate and focus on You
is around that because their image is their obsession
because they feel completely worthless deep down inside
and everything that they do is this cycle around I'm going to focus on how to have everybody
not see the fact that they feel completely worthless deep down inside.
They don't even want to have anybody see that half the time.
They don't even want to like see that half the time.
They lead these double lives.
They don't want anyone to know how much they have
this self-hatred thing going on.
They feel like nothing inside
and so they do everything they can to
layer on all this external stuff outside all the time
and that's why exposure is their greatest fear.
Like I said, that's why, you know,
the greatest leverage against them is exposure
and I talked about that all the time that said,
Diamond Level Supply
is how they look.
So and if you want to know more about the covert passive-aggressive narcissist.
I do have a whole video on that subject
which you definitely check out but you know,
in my SLAY methodology,
creating that strategy leverage anticipating focusing on you.
The greatest leverage is potentially exposing
them and that the reason why is because their deepest sense of shame
is there steeply afraid of being exposed.
But, hey, if you are so ready to slay,
I definitely want you to write slay in the comments right now
and you should be ready to slay because it is time for you to take your life back.
Okay, so I want you to write slay in the comments.
If the sad thing is that they really are actually their own worst enemies
because they're never going to get help
and they end up making all kinds of mistakes
and negotiations because of this craziness that they engage in.
You know, there's constant cycle of projection and deflection and constant lies.
I mean, it's got to be exhausting for them,
I mean, you can have compassion for it
but you can't help them.
But they do.
They gauge in this constant,
you know, projection, deflection and lying and denying,
and all of this stuff but they're doing this all the time.
So, the people don't see who they really are
because their deepest sense of shame,
the thing that they're the most ashamed of is that they have this deep
sense of self-hatred.
The deep sense of shame is
I am bad that I hate myself.
That is and I say that all the time that they're narcissists is
way more afraid of you than you are of them
and when you star to push back against them,
they will start to eventually back down.
There’s always the worst right before they're ready to give up.
That is what happens moves like a two-year-old
having a tantrum on the floor now.
Like who scream the loudest right before they're ready to give up
but they do always end up giving up.
So don't you give in.
I mean they only win if you give up.
Right?
So if you are negotiating,
make sure you grab my free
Crush my negotiation prep worksheet.
at winmynegotiation.com
and join my free private Facebook group
Narcissist Negotiators With Rebecca Zung.
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Subscribe, hit that n otification bell
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and I'm so glad that you're here.
I'm Rebecca Zung
and make sure you stick around because
we got lots more for you right here on this channel
and remember that today's a great day to start negotiating your best life.
As always and I will definitely see you in the next video.