good morning John not everybody's gonna
know this but we have a tradition here
in the vlogbrothers Channel when one of
us has a book come out so far it's just
been you do a video reading the first
chapter of the book this stretches all
the way back to Paper Towns nine years
ago I discovered by searching our
Channel look at you
you are young and disheveled there's a
few really great things about this one
it's exempt from the four-minute rule so
I can just go on for as long as I want
right now
- it's just reading a book so it's
pretty easy video to do I've always felt
like it's a little bit of a cop-out
there was the whole writing the book
part which turns out to be labor
intensive 3 you get to tell people about
the book which theoretically and
definitely in my case is something you
want to do because you're proud of it
and you like it and you think people
will like it too and hopefully also it
will be useful and enjoyable it's just
what I'm going for generally in life can
I be useful and enjoyable that's just
like what I say to my son every morning
basically not in words but in actions I
may have got to the meaning of life here
that's not what I intended so do you
want to hear the first chapter in my
book if not go away as read by me and
not Kristen see who does the audiobook
and who is fantastic let's go I am aware
that you're here for an epic tale of
intrigue and mystery and adventure a
near-death and actual death that was a
joke that was Kristen reading now it's
I'm actually gonna do it but first a
warning there's a bunch of curse words
in my book and there will be some in
this chapter that I'm about to read so
just know that look I'm aware that you
here for an epic tale of intrigue and
mystery and adventure and near-death and
actual death but in order to get to that
unless you want to skip to chapter 13
I'm not your boss you're gonna have to
deal with the fact that I April May in
addition to being one of the most
important things that has ever happened
to the human race I'm also a woman in
her 20s who has made some mistakes it's
a long first sentence I am also in the
wonderful position of having you by the
short hairs I have the story and so I
get to tell it to you the way I want
that means you get to understand me and
not just my story so don't be surprised
if there's some drama I'm gonna attempt
to come up this account honestly but
also admit to a significant promi bias
if you get anything out of this ideally
it won't be you being more or less
one side or the other but simply
understanding that I am or at least was
human and that was very much feeling
only human as I dragged my tired ass
down 23rd Street at 2:45 a.m. after
working a 16-hour day at a startup that
thanks to an aggressively shitty
contract I signed will remain nameless
going to art school might seem like a
terrible financial decision but really
that's only true if you have to take out
gobs and gobs of student loans to fund
your hoity-toity education of course I
had done exactly that
my parents were successful running a
business providing equipment to small
and medium sized dairy farms like the
things that you hook up to the cows to
get the milk out they sold and
distributed them it was a good business
good enough that I wouldn't have had a
lot of debt if I'd gone to a state
school but I did not do that
I had loans lots so after jumping from
major to major advertising fine art
photography illustration and finally
settling on the mundane but at least
useful BFA and design I took the first
job that would keep me in New York and
out of my old bedroom in my parents
house in Northern California and that
was a job at a doomed startup funded by
the endless well of rich people who can
only dream the most boring dream a rich
person can dream being even more rich of
course working at a start-up means
you're part of the family and so when
things go wrong or when deadlines fly
past or when an investor has a hissy fit
or just because you don't get out of
work until 3:00 in the morning which
honestly I hated I hated it because the
company's time management app was a dumb
idea and didn't actually help people I
hated it because I knew I was just doing
it for money and I hated it because they
asked the staff to treat it like their
whole life rather than like a day job
which meant I didn't have any time to
spare to work on personal projects but I
was using my degree doing actual graphic
design and getting paid enough to afford
rent less than one year out of school my
work environment was close to
technically criminal and I paid half my
income to sleep in the living room of a
one-bedroom apartment but I was making
it work I fibbed just now my bed was in
the living room but I mostly slept in
the bedroom
Mya's room we weren't living together we
were roommates and April from the past
would like me to be very clear about
that what's the difference between those
two things
well mostly that we weren't dating when
we moved in together
looking up with your roommate is
convenient but it's also a little
confusing when you live together through
much of college before finally hooking
up and now have been a couple for more
than a year if you happen to already
live together
when does the should we move in together
question come up well for Maya and me
the question was can we please move that
secondhand mattress out of the living
room so that we can sit on a couch when
we watch Netflix and thus far my answer
had been absolutely not
we are just roommates who are dating
which is why our living room still had a
bed in it I told you there would be
drama anyway back to the middle of the
night that fateful January evening this
shitty app had to get a new release into
the App Store by the next week and I had
been waiting for final approvals on some
user interface changes and whatever you
don't care it was boring work BS instead
of coming in early I stayed late which
has always been my preference my brain
was sucked entirely dried from trying to
interpret cryptic guidance from bosses
who couldn't tell the raster from a
vector so I checked out of the building
it was a co-working space not even
actual aleast offices and walked the
three minutes to the subway station and
then my metro card got rejected for no
reason I had another one sitting on my
desk at work and I wasn't precisely sure
how much money I had in my checking
account so it seemed like I should walk
the three blocks back to the office just
to be safe the walk sign was on so I
crossed 23rd and a taxi cab blares its
horn like I shouldn't be in the
crosswalk whatever dude I had the walk
light I turn and head back to the office
and immediately I see it as I approach
it becomes clear that it is a really
really exceptional sculpture I mean it's
awesome but it's also a little bit New
York awesome you know how do I explain
how I feel about it
I guess well in New York City people
spend ten years making something amazing
happen something that captures the
essence of an idea so perfectly that
suddenly the world becomes ten times
clearer it's beautiful and it's powerful
and someone devoted a huge piece of
their life to it the local news does a
story about it and everyone goes neat
and then tomorrow we forget about it
in favor of some other absolutely
perfect and remarkable thing that
doesn't mean that those things are unone
derful or not unique it's just that
there are a lot of people doing a lot of
amazing things so eventually you get a
little jaded so that's how I felt when I
saw it a 10-foot tall transformer
wearing a suit of
samurai armor it's huge barrel chest
lifted up to the sky a good four or five
feet above my head it stood there in the
middle of the sidewalk full of energy
and power it looked like it might at any
moment turn and fix that empty Regal
stare on me but instead it just stood
there silent and almost scornful like
the world didn't deserve its attention
in the street light the medal was a
patchwork of black as night matte and
mirror reflective silver and it was
clearly metal not some spray-painted
cardboard cosplay thing it was
stunningly done I paused for maybe five
seconds before shivering both in the
cold and in the gaze of the thing and
then walking on and then I felt like the
biggest jerk I mean I'm an artist
working way too hard at a deeply
uninteresting job to pay way too much
rent so I can stay in this place so I
can remain immersed in one of the most
creative and influential cultures on
earth here in the middle of the sidewalk
is a piece of art that was a massive
undertaking an installation that the
artist worked on possibly for years to
make people stop and look and consider
and Here I am hardened by big city life
and mentally drained by hours of pixel
pushing not even giving something so
magnificent a second glance I remember
this moment pretty clearly so I guess
I'll mention it I went back to the
sculpture got up on my tiptoes and said
do you think I should call Andy the
sculpture of course did nothing just
stand there if it's okay for me to call
Andy and so I made the call
but first some background on Andy you
know those moments when your life shifts
and you think I will definitely without
a doubt continue to love and appreciate
and connect with all these cool people I
have spent so many years with despite
the fact that our lives are changing a
great deal right now and then instead
you might as well unfriend them on
Facebook because you ain't never gonna
see that dude again your whole life
well Andy Maya and I had somehow thus
far managed to avoid that fate Maya and
I had done it by occupying the same 400
square feet Andy on the other hand lived
across town from us and we didn't even
know him until junior year Maya and I by
that point were taking most of the same
classes because well we really liked
each other a lot we were obviously going
to be in the same group whenever there
was a group project but professor
Kennedy was divided
two groups of three which meant a random
third wheel somehow we got stuck with
Andy or probably from his perspective he
got stuck with us I knew who Andy was
I'd formed a vague impression of him
that mostly was that guy sure is more
confident than he has any right to be he
was skinny and awkward with printer
paper pale skin I assumed he began his
haircuts by asking the stylists to make
it look like he had never received a
haircut but he was always primed for
some quip and for the most part those
quips were either funny or insightful
the project was a full brand treatment
for a fictional product packaging was
optional but we needed several logo
options and a style guide which is like
a little book that tells everyone how
the brand should be presented and what
fonts and colors are to be used in what
situations it was more or less a given
that we would be doing this for some hip
and groovy fictional company that makes
ethical Fairtrade jeans with completely
useless pockets or something actually it
was almost always a fictional brewery
because we were college students we were
paying a lot of money to cultivate our
taste in beer and be snobby about it and
I'm sure that's the direction that Maia
and I would have gone in but Andy was
intolerably stubborn and somehow
convinced us both that we would be
building the visual identity of
bubblebum abut flavored bubblegum his
first arguments were silly that we
weren't going to be doing a fancy cool
[ __ ] when we graduated so we might as
well not take this project so seriously
but he convinced us when he got serious
look guys you said it's easy to make
something cool look cool that's why
everybody picks cool things ultimately
though cool is always gonna be boring
what if we make something dumb look
amazing something unmarketable awesome
that's a real challenge that takes real
skill
let's show real skill I remember this
pretty clearly because it was when I
realized that there was more to Andy by
the end of the project I couldn't help
feeling a little superior to the rest of
our classmates taking their skinny jeans
and craft breweries so seriously and the
final product did look great Andy was
and I had known this but not really
found it as important an extremely
talented illustrator and with Maya's
hand lettering skills and my color
palette work it did end up looking
pretty great so that's how Maya and I
met Andy and thank God we did frankly we
needed a third wheel to even out the
intensity of the early part of our
relationship
after the bubble bomb project which
Kennedy loved so much he put on the
class website we became a bit of a trio
we even worked on some freelance
projects together and occasionally Andy
would come over to our apartment and
force us to play board games and then we
just spend the evening talking about
politics or dreams or anxieties the fact
that he was obviously a little bit in
love with me never really bothered any
of us because he knew I was taken and
well I don't think Maya saw him as a
threat somehow our dynamic hadn't
fractured after graduation and we kept
hanging out with funny weird smart
stupid Andy scam who I was now calling
at 3 o'clock in the morning the [ __ ]
April it's 3 a.m. hey I got something
you might want to see it seems likely
that this can wait until tomorrow no
this is pretty cool bring your camera
and dis Jason have any lights
Jason was Andy's roommate both of them
wanted to be internet famous they would
stream themselves playing video games to
tiny audiences and they had a podcast
about the best TV death scenes that they
also filmed and uploaded to YouTube to
me it just seemed like that incurable
ailment so many well-off dudes have
believing despite mountains of evidence
that what the world truly needs is
another white guy comedy podcast this
sounds harsh but that's what it seemed
like to me back then now of course I
know how easy it is to feel like you
don't matter if no one's watching
I've also since listened to slain
spotting and it's actually pretty funny
wait what's happening what am i doing he
asked here's what you're doing you're
walking over to Gramercy Theatre and
you're gonna bring as much of Jason's
video [ __ ] as you can and you're not
gonna regret it so don't even think
about going back to whatever hentai VR
game you were playing this is better I
promise you see that but have you played
cherry blossom fairy 5 april/may have
you several people who weren't Andy
walked by as I waited for him Manhattan
is less legit than it once was for sure
but this was still the city that never
sleeps it's also the city of behold the
field in which I grow my [ __ ] lay thine
eyes upon it and see that it is barren
people gave the sculpture a quick glance
and kept on walking just as I had nearly
done I tried to look busy
Manhattan's a safe place but that
doesn't mean a 23 year old woman by
herself on the street at 3 a.m. isn't
gonna get randomly harassed for the next
few minutes I got to spend a little time
with the sculpture Manhattan is never
really dark there was lots of light
around but the deep shadows and the
sculptures size made it difficult to
really understand it
it was massive it probably weighed
several hundred pounds and took my glove
off and poked it finding the medal
surprisingly not cool not warm either
exactly but hard I gave it a knock on
the pelvis and didn't hear the bell ring
I expected it was more of a thunk
followed by a low hum I started to think
that this was part of the artists
intentions that the goal was for the
people of New York to interact with this
object to discover its properties when
you're an art school you do a lot of
thinking about objectives and intent
that was the default state see art
critique art eventually I stopped my
critique and just took it in I was
starting to really love it not just as a
creation of someone else but like the
way you love really good art just
enjoying it it was so unlike other
things I'd seen and brave in its
transform earnest like I would be
terrified to do anything that visually
reflected mecha robots in any way no one
wants to be compared to something that's
mainstream popular that's the worst of
all possible fates but there was much
more to this piece than that it seemed
to have come from a completely different
place than any other work I'd ever seen
before sculptural or not I was pretty
caught up in the thing when Andy snapped
me back out of it what the absolute [ __ ]
he was wearing a backpack in three
camera straps and holding two tripods
yup I replied that is awesome I know the
awful thing is I almost walked right by
it I just thought well there's another
[ __ ] cool New York City thing and
kept on walking but it occurred to me
that I hadn't heard or seen anything
about it and since you know you're
always in search of your big viral hit
you might want to get the scoop so I've
been guarding it for you so you saw this
big beautiful muscular piece of art and
who sprung to your mind but Andy's
camped his thumbs were digging into his
bony chest wall
I said sarcastically in fact I figured
I'd do you a favor and here it is so
maybe just appreciate it
a little dejected he handed me a tripod
well let's start getting this [ __ ] set
up then gotta get to work before Channel
six drunkenly stumbles by and steals our
scoop in five minutes the camera was set
up a battery-powered light was glaring
and Andy was clamping the mic to his
lapel he'd stopped wearing stupid ball
caps and he'd given up on his unruly or
just uncommon haircuts in favor of a
short wavy thing that complemented his
face shape but to
fight the fact that he was eight inches
taller than me and almost exactly my age
he still looked about five years my
junior April he said yeah I think maybe
it should be you
I probably replied with some kind of
confused grunt in front of the camera I
mean dude this is your dream not mine I
don't know [ __ ] about YouTube it's just
I mean well looking back I think it's
possible though I've never asked him
that he had some idea that this would
actually be a big deal not as big of a
deal as it would turn out to be of
course but big hey don't think you're
gonna win my favor by giving me internet
fame I don't even want that right but
you don't have any idea how to use this
camera I can tell he was making an
excuse but I couldn't figure out why I
don't know how to do behind the camera
stuff but I also don't know how to do in
front of the camera stuff you and Jason
talk to the internet all day long I
barely have a facebook you have an
Instagram that's different
I smirked not really I can tell you care
about what you post on there you're not
fooling anyone you're a digital girl
April in a digital world we all know how
to perform
god bless Andy for being blunt he was
right of course I tried not to care
about social media and I really did
prefer hanging out in art galleries to
hang out on Twitter but I wasn't as
disconnected as I made myself out to be
being annoyed by carefully crafted
internet personas was part of my
carefully crafted internet persona even
so I think we could both feel Andy
stretching for a point that wasn't a
hundred percent there Andy what's this
actually about it's just he took a deep
breath I think it would be better for
the artist if it were you I'm a [ __ ]
goof I know what I look like people
aren't gonna take me seriously you look
like an artist with your pee coats and
your cheekbones you look like you know
what you're talking about you do know
what you're talking about and you talk a
good girl if I do this I'm gonna make it
a joke plus you're the one who found it
I think it makes more sense for you to
be in front of the camera unlike most of
my classmates who graduated with design
degrees I thought a lot about fine art
if you're wondering what the difference
is well fine art is like art that exists
for its own sake the thing that fine art
does is itself design is art that does
something else it's more like visual
engineering I started school focusing on
fine art but I decided by the end of the
first semester that maybe I
to someday have a job so I switched to
advertising which I hated so I switched
a bunch more times until I caved and
went into design but I still spent way
more time and energy paying attention to
the fine art scene in Manhattan than any
of my design track friends did it was
part of why I desperately wanted to stay
in the city
this may sound dumb but just being a
twenty-something in New York City made
me feel important even if I wasn't doing
real art at least I was making it work
in this city a long ways away from my
parents literal dairy supply business
ultimately Andy wasn't showing any signs
of giving up and I determined that this
wasn't actually that big of a deal so I
ran the mic up the inside of my shirt
the cord was still warm from Andy's body
the light shined in my eyes and I could
barely see the lens it was cold
there was a little breeze we were alone
on the sidewalk are you ready he said
give me that Mike I said pointing to an
open bag on the ground your lab is
speeding you don't need it I had no idea
what that meant but I got the gist no
just as a prop so I can interview it ah
cool he handed me the mic okay I said
okay I'm rolling that's the first
chapter of my book neat right I wrote a
book there's been a lot of really cool
things that have happened since the book
has come out if you follow me on Twitter
you saw that I used part of the advance
I got for the book to fund a bunch of
independent artists to make art based on
the book I'm showing you some of those
pieces right now they're really amazing
you can check out my Instagram if you
want to find them all there's also a
completely fan led project called the
Karl's are coming calm where you can do
paper fold II versions of Karl's and
then take pictures of them and pin them
to a map and there are lots of them all
over the world it's very cool and since
the book has come out I've just gotten
so many great responses and thoughts
from people and pieces of creation based
on my creation which is I think the most
interesting part of creation and I'm so
happy to have that I feel so lucky to
have that I have never had an experience
like this in my life and it is really
special and awesome so if you're gonna
get the book you're already have it I
really hope you like it and I can't wait
I can't wait to do this more John I'll
see you on Tuesday