what's the Millennial question apparently Millennials as a generation which is a
group of people who were born approximately 1984 and after are tough
to manage and they're accused of being entitled and narcissistic
self-interested unfocused lazy but entitled is the big one and and because
they confound leadership so much what's happening is leaders are asking the
Millennials what do you want and Millennials are saying we want to work
in a place with purpose love that we want to make an impact you know whatever
that means we want free food and bean bags and so somebody articulates some
sort of purpose there's lots of free food and there's bean bags and yet for
some reason they're still not happy and that's because you that they're missing
this there's a there's a missing piece what I've learned is that there I can
break it down into four pieces right there are four things four
characteristics one is parenting the other one is technology
third is impatience and the fourth is environment the generation that we call
the Millennials too many of them grew up subject to not my words failed parenting
strategies you know where for example they were told that they were special
all the time they were told that they have anything they want in life just
because they want it right they were told some of them got into honors
classes not because they deserved it but because their parents complained and
some of them got a is not because they earned them but because the teachers
didn't want to deal with the parents some kids got participation medals you
got a medal for coming in last right which the science we know is pretty
clear which is it devalues the metal and the reward for those who actually work
hard and that actually makes the person who comes in last feel embarrassed
because they know they didn't deserve it so that
makes me feel worse right so you take this group of people and they graduate
school and they get a job and the thrust into an it into the real world and in an
instant they find out they're not special
their moms can't get them a promotion that you get nothing for coming in last
and by the way you can't just have it because you want it right and in an
instant their entire self-image is shattered and so you have an entire
generation that's growing up with lower self-esteem than previous generations
the other problem to compound it is we're growing up in a facebook Instagram
world in other words we're good at putting filters on things we're good at
showing people that life is amazing even though I'm depressed
right and so everybody sounds tough and everybody sounds like they got it all
figure it out and the reality is there's very little toughness and most people
don't have it figured out and so when the more senior people say what we do
they sound like this is what you got at it and they have no clue so you have an
entire generation growing up with lower self-esteem than previous generations
right through no fault of their own through no fault of their own right they
were dealt a bad hand right now let's add in technology we know that
engagement with social media and our cell phones releases a chemical called
dopamine that's why when you get a text feels
good right so you know we've all had it when you're feeling a little bit down or
feeling a bit lonely and so you send out ten texts to ten friends you know high
high high high high because it feels good when you get a response right right
it's why we count the likes it's why we go back ten times to see if and if it's
going if our my Instagram is growing slower I would I do something wrong do
they not like me anymore right the trauma for young kids to be
unfriended right because we know when you get it you get a hit of dopamine
which feels good why we like it it's why we keep going back to it dopamine is the
exact same chemical that makes us feel good when we smoke when we drink and
when we gamble. In other words it's highly highly addictive, right? we have
age restrictions on smoking gambling and alcohol and we have no age restrictions
on social media and cell phones which is the equivalent of opening up the liquor
cabinet and saying to our teenagers hey by the way this adolescence thing if it
gets
but that's basically what's happening that's basically what's happening right
that's basically what happened you have an entire generation that has access to
an addictive numbing to chemical called dopamine through social media and
cellphones as they're going through the high stress of adolescence why is this
important almost every alcoholic discovered
alcohol when they were teenagers when we're very very young the only approval
we need is the approval of our parents and as we go through adolescence we make
this transition where we now need the approval of our peers very frustrating
for our parents very important for us that allows us to acculturate outside of
our immediate families into the broader tribe right it's a highly highly
stressful and anxious period of our lives and we're supposed to learn to
rely on our friends some people quite by accident discover alcohol and numbing
effects of dopamine to help them cope with the stresses and anxieties of
adolescence unfortunately that becomes hardwired in their brains and for the
rest of their lives when they suffer significant stress they will not turn to
a person they will turn to the bottle social stress financial stress career
stress that's pretty much the primary reasons why an alcoholic drinks right
what's happening is because we're out allowing unfettered access to these
dopamine producing devices and media basically it's becoming hardwired and
what we're seeing is as they grow older they to many kids don't know how to form
deep meaningful relationships their words not mine they will admit that many
of their friendships are superficial they will admit that their friends that
they don't count on their friends they don't rely on their friends they have
fun with their friends but they also know that their friends will cancel out
them that something better comes along deep meaningful relationships are not
there because they never practice the skill set and worse they don't have the
coping mechanisms to deal with stress so when significant stress starts to show
up in their lives they're not turning to a person they're turning to a device
they're turning to social media they're turning to these things which offer
temporary relief we know the science is clear we know that people who spend more
time on Facebook so for higher rates of depression than people who spend less
time on Facebook write these things balanced alcohol is not bad too much
alcohol is bad gambling is fun too much gambling is dangerous right there's
nothing wrong with social media and cell phones it's the imbalance
right if you're sitting at dinner with your friends and you're texting somebody
who's not there that's a problem that's an addiction if you're sitting in a
meeting with people you're supposed to be listening to and speaking and you put
your phone on the table face up or face down I don't care that sends the
subconscious message to the room it you're not just just not that important
to me right now right that's what happens and the fact that you cannot put
it away it's because you are addicted right if you wake up and you check your
phone before you say good morning to your girlfriend boyfriend or spouse you
have an addiction and like all addiction in time it will destroy relationships
it'll cost time and it will cost money and it'll make your life worse right so
you have a generation growing up with lower self-esteem that doesn't have the
coping mechanisms to do with stress stress right now you add in the sense of
impatience right they've grown up in a world of instant gratification you want
to buy something you go on Amazon it arrives the next day you want to watch a
movie log on and watch your movie you don't check movie times you want to
watch your TV show binge you don't even have to wait week to week to week right
I know people who skip seasons just so they can binge at the end of the season
right Instagram if occasion you want to go on a date you don't even have to
learn how to be like you don't even have to learn and practice that skill you
don't have to be the uncomfortable into which this is yes when you mean knowns
there's no when you mean no but yes when you you have to swipe right bang I'm a
stud right you don't have to learn the social coping mechanisms right
everything you want you can have instantaneously everything you want
instant gratification except job satisfaction and strength of
relationships there ain't no app for that they are
slow meandering uncomfortable messy processes and so I keep meeting these
wonderful fantastic idealistic hard-working smart kids they've just
graduated school they're in their entry-level job I sit down with them
when I go how's it going they go I think I'm going to quit I'm like why they're
like I'm not making an impact I'm like you've been here eight months
it's as if they're standing at the foot of a mountain and they have this
abstract concept called impact that they want to have in the world which is the
summit what they don't see is the mountain I don't care if you go up the
mountain quickly or slowly but there's still a mountain and so what this young
generation needs to learn is patience that some things that really really
matter like love or job fulfillment joy love of life self-confidence a skill set
any of these things all of these things take time sometimes you can expedite
pieces of it but the overall journey is arduous and long and difficult and if
you don't ask for help and learn that skill set you will fall off the mountain
or you will the worst case scenario the worst case scenario and we're already
seeing it the worst case scenario is we're seeing increase in suicide rates
we're seeing an increase in this generation we're seeing increase in
accidental deaths due to drug overdoses we're seeing more and more kids drop out
of school or take leaves of absence due to depression unheard of these are this
is this is really bad the best case scenario the bet those are all bad cases
right the best case scenario is you'll have an entire population growing up and
going through life and just never really finding joy they'll never really find
deep deep fulfillment in work or in life they'll just just walk through life in
little G just it's fine how's your job it's fine the same as yesterday how's
your relationship it's fine like that's that's the best-case scenario which
leads me to the fourth point which is environment which is we're taking this
amazing group of young fantastic kids were just dealt a bad hand it's no fault
of their own and we put them in corporate environments that care more
about the numbers than they do about the kids they care more about the short-term
gains than the long-term life of this young human being we care more about the
year than the lifetime right and so we are putting them in corporate
environments that aren't helping them build their confidence that aren't
helping them learn the skills of cooperation that aren't helping them
overcome the challenges of a digital world and finding more
balance that isn't helping them overcome the need to have instant gratification
and teach them the joys and impact and the fulfillment you get from working
hard over on something for a long time that cannot be done in a month or even
in a year and so we're thrusting to them them in corporate environments and the
worst part about it is they think it's them they blame themselves they can't
they think it's them who can't deal and so it makes it all worse it's not I'm
here to tell them it's not them it's the corporations it's the corporate
environments it's the total lack of good leadership in our world today that is
making them feel the way they do they would dealt a bad hand in it and I hate
to say but it's the company's responsibility
sucks to be you like we have no choice right this is what we got and I wish
that society and their parents did a better job they didn't so we're gonna
we're getting them in our companies and we now have to pick up the slack we have
to work extra hard to figure out the ways that we build their confidence we
have to work extra hard to find ways to teach them social the social skills that
they're missing out on
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