Hi everyone! I'm Amethyst and welcome to Ask An Autistic.
(music) I want a rennisance
to shine a light, be the change we want, to set things right (music)
we've been waiting in the dark
for so long
Today we're going to be discussing a topic that's been requested by more than
a few viewers and that is eye contact. At first ones are thinking about this topic
I didn't think that there would be enough to fill a 10 minute video but
then I realized that while seemingly simple there's actually a lot to eye
contact. Different cultures have different ideas about eye contact and non-autistic
people tend to have very different ideas about what is appropriate amount of eye
contact compared to autistic people.
The term eye contact was coined in the West in the nineteen sixties and it's
used to describe this meaningful or important social connection in which to
human beings look each other in the eye. Eye contact is considered to be this
important part of social communication;
it's a non verbal form of communication and in Western society particularly in
north America.
there's this connection between eye contact and trust. Eye contact is thought
to be important in the development of children at the same time as researchers
look more and more into eye contact and nonverbal communication
we're learning that what we thought about eye contact these kind of pervasive
myths in society about truthfulness or lying or paying attention isn't
necessarily true even for not autistic people; for example a study conducted by
British psychologist at the University of sterling in 2006 looked at 20 British
school children aged 5 and what they found is that children would avert their
gaze when asked a question that required mental processing and the children would
avert their gaze because these questions were mentally demanding and it takes
thought and listening to someone
there's a lot of mental processing going on the children who would avert their
gaze actually answered correctly more often than the children who maintain eye
contact while trying to answer
and these are what researchers assumed to be known to be non- autistic neurotypical
children.
So if not autistic children find listening somebody and then answering
questions mentally demanding enough to need to avert their gaze to give full
mental processing power to the question then it stands to reason that that is
what going on a lot of the time with autistic people and autistic children.
Another thing about lying they say that a liar will look away and that's how you
know that they're telling an untruth
but UCLA professor of psychology Edward R. Gylerman has been looking at
nonverbal communication and asking questions about eye contact for years
and what he and his team have found people who do look away or
avert their gaze when answering a question or ask a question are just
thinking,
and they're not any more likely to be lying because they're looking away.
And again you assume that most of the sample size were probably not autistic.
Autistic people's brains work differently, we have a different neruotype -
we process information differently and that's a huge part of being autistic and
many of our differences in information processing are in the areas of
communication and socialization.
I think there's two main reasons that autistic people tend to avoid eye
contact
The first is because of sensory processing disorder or sensory overload
a person's face is incredibly complex
there is a lot happening up here all the time. Non-autistic people are constantly
searching each other's eyes and faces for little micro expressions,
indications of pleasure or sadness or distress,
they're looking for all these nonverbal cues and they all happen very very
quickly.
The brain has to be able to see the visual information process, it understand
what it means, and then know what to do with that information.
A person's eyes particularly convey a lot of emotion, they can convey thoughts
and that's why in our culture eye contact is considered to be so so
special and valuable and a sign of intimacy between two people and for
autistic people and people with sensory processing disorder
all that information particularly in the eye area is overwhelming. For myself when
I make sustained eye contact with somebody it feels very intense, it feels
almost like trying to look into a very bright light
I've heard other autistic people say that eye contact hurts, them makes them
feel uncomfortable, confuses them and is generally overstimulating and
contributes to over stimulation overload of the brain.
The second big reason I think autistic people tend to have atypical eye
contact is because of our brains cognitive abilities and processing. So
even if eye contact doesn't hurt an autistic person or they're not becoming
overloaded sensory wise or visually, they may still have trouble processing
and understanding eye contact,
and trying to listen to someone at the same time, because our brains work
differently.
We might have central auditory processing issues, we might have
differences in communication, might have trouble following a conversation when
we're in an area with background noise going on
then we want to be able to dedicate as much brain power as we can to actually
focusing on what the person is saying and taking away the very large amount of
rapid information coming at you
that is the facial expressions and
the eye contact can alleviate the pressure on the brain and allow the autistic person
in question to listen and to process and to follow along a lot better than if
they were forced to make eye contact. And I know that this is true for myself as a
child if I was forced to make eye contact
I would not be hearing what you were saying and I know is true for other
autistic people too.
It's either 'would you like me to make sustained contact with you so you feel
more comfortable, or would you like me to actually be able to hear and understand
and remember what you were just saying?'
So when it comes to eye contact because in our culture you know versus some
Asian cultures for example where direct eye contact is considered offensive in
our culture eye contact is given a lot of wheat and probably more important
than it should have
that's why a lot of non-autistic parents will feel very hurt when their child
doesn't make eye contact with them or their eye contact is atypical or not
sustained. When a child can make eye contact
one day and not next, that can be very confusing for parents and i find that
parents often take it as a sign of a lack of connection not wanting to
connect, as if your child isn't listening, they don't care what you have to say or
even that they don't love you.
Chances are your child really does love you, but eye contact may be painful or
difficult or just not practical for them; they may not be able to listen to you
and to make eye contact at the same time. If you've been following along so far
you probably know what I'm about to say
and that is please do not force an autistic child to make eye contact.
It's just one of those things that is not worth it. Yes, there are some
pervasive society amiss about eye contact; people might be thought of as
untrustworthy or shifty-eyed. That's very much rooted in ableism and even a little
bit of racism, since other cultures don't make eye contact or value in the same
ways that we do.
The truth is that eye contact doesn't work for everybody and it's one of those
things that in the grand scheme of things is so minor.
I can't really picture being the hill that anybody wants to die on; trust me
when I say that eye contact is absolutely not necessary for living a happy
fulfilling life, or even for having happy fulfilling relationships.
I mean, there are lots of blind and visually impaired people who don't make
eye contact and they have great friendships and great familial
relationships and even romantic relationships.
So please don't put too much stock into eye contact because even though it does
hold importance for non-austistic members of our society,
chances are that is just not worth it for autistic people and that we'll l be
happier and healthier and
actually hearing and understanding what your saying if we are not forced to make
this eye contact that's unnatural or painful or difficult for us.
I hope this video is helpful
for you guys and for all the non-autistic parents of autistic people out there and
for the allosteric loved ones of autistic people; i hope i was able to
show you the other side of the story and hopefully give you some insight into
what eye contact is like for autistic people
Oh, and because i get this question occasionally; yes, for me making eye
contact with the camera is much different than making eye contact with a
person. Although it's still difficult
So if we ever so if any of you guys ever meet me in person you can probably
expect some pretty atypical eye contact.
If you have a question that you would like answered in one of my ask an
autistic videos, please feel free to post your comment in the comment section or
message it to me.
Thank you for watching ask an autistic!
(music) I want a renaissance,
to shine a light, be the change we want,
we've been waiting in the dark,
for so long. (music)