LOIS (offscreen): Kids, dinner's ready.
MEG (mockingly): Dinner's ready. Shut up.
A little of the ol' Schnappster outta get me right.
Hey, Chrissay!!
CHRIS (offscreen): Well that's delightfully informal, Meg. How the heck are ya?
MEG: Hey-yo! What's up in this piece?
- You're getting home late. - Yeah, we were hangin' out in the woods and
(LAUGHS) This one girl pushed another girl over while she was peeing.
They fought and then the cops came.
PETER: Meg, this is important... did she fall in the pee?
LOIS: I can smell your breath. You've been drinking, haven't you?
MEG: NO! Geez, Mom, get off my back!!
LOIS: Meg, we need to talk.
MEG: What, Mom? I know what you're gonna say, and I know how you're gonna say it.
Oh really?
Yep.
(mocking Lois' god-awful voice): I don't want ya drinkin' or your life is gonna go down da crappa!!
(Lois laughs because she is Satan)
LOIS: That's not bad. I mean, I sound nothing like that but it's a fun character (laughs).
But this is serious. Alcoholism runs in our family.
MEG: Hey! I'm just gonna SOMETHING runs in this family.
(Lois laughs... but she really shouldn't) I don't mean to... (she laughs again #Ugh) I don't mean to laugh, okay, but that was funny.
MEG: Mom, I'm just having fun. I'm finally known as something other than...
"The Chubby Girl Who Put a Lunch Lady in a Headlock"
And besides, Dad's the one who pushed me into going to that party.
Oh he did, did he?
Yeah I still think about Laura a lot.
You're already drinkin' tonight, weren't you?
(Meg laughs adorably then snorts) A little.
Well I can't talk to a drunk person if I'm sober.
Hey Jerome, can I get a beer please?
But now I'm starting to sober up so I'm gonna need one to even the playing field.
Alright, but it stays between us.
But what if they card ya?
Don't worry. I've got in covered.
- Wow, that's really good! - Right?
Jerome, make it two!
["Party All the Time" by Eddie Murphy plays for the rest of the video]
(these aren't actual captions, but yes you read that right. Donkey sings this song)
(I hate it when they show Meg's scars :'( )
(so how are you guys doin'? Good?)
(You know you could turn these captions off, I don't think there's any other spoken dialogue for the rest of the video)
(Oh actually I love this part. Nice to know how much can fit in her mouth ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)﻿
Walrus.