(music)
Thor: You want me to put the hammer down?
(large explosion)
(coughing)
Captain America: Are we done here?
Loki: Hello!
Iron Man: You're still here?
Loki: Yes...
Thor: Why didn't you run away while we settled our
differences?
Loki: I'll never tell! Muhuhahaha...
Hmmhmmhmmhmm...Muhuhuhahaha...hahahahaha!
Captain America: OK, we are not taking him back to base.
He is DEFINITELY up to something!
How The Avengers Should Have Ended
Cap: Whoa! Haha! Shield!
Iron Man: Gentlemen, right this way!
Hawkeye: (unintelligible)
(Hulk roars)
Thor: Ha! Here comes the hammer!
Black Widow: Pew pew pew!
Captain America: Captainball!
Thor: --from whence you came!
Nick Fury: Say what again! I dare you! I DOUBLE dare you!
(Black Widow yells)
Hulk: Puny god, puny god, puny god!
(Iron Man grunts)
Iron Man: Tank missile!
(Hulk pants)
Iron Man: Hey, you guys ever had shawarma?
(music ends)
Superman: This place serves food?!
Iron Man: Yeah. You never had shawarma, either?
Hulk: SHAWARMA!
(hungrily devours shawarma)
Captain America: Why do I have to sit on Hulk's lap?
Thor: Mmm! Another!
(smashes)
Batman: Hey...I'm Batman. You want to know my secret
identity?
Black Widow: ... why?
Superman (clears throat): So, you guys had quite a
weekend.
Captain America: Heh, that's an understatement.
Superman: First you guys were all against each other, then
your buddy got killed, so you're suddenly friends...
Hulk: Pffh! Someone die?
Iron Man: Uh...yeah, you kinda missed out on that part.
Black Widow: But luckily you still wanted to be friends later.
Hulk: Oh.
Batman: Right, you fell from the sky and conveniently
learned to control your rage...
Superman: And did you steal a motorcycle?
Hulk: Um. Details not important...
Superman: Details like Odin being able to send Thor back
to Earth?
Thor: What?
Batman: Or the professor conveniently making a way to
close the portal? That worked out well for you guys.
Superman: Or the Chitauri all dying "Phantom Menace"
style after the nuke?
Batman: Yep. One convenient thing after another...
Captain America: Hmm, kind of like your utility belt!
(Avengers laugh)
Iron Man: You know what I think? I think you two are just
jealous that we knocked it out of the park.
(Avengers indistinctly cheering)
Hawkeye: Sorry, guys...
Batman: I'm not jealous. I'm Batman...
Superman: I guess I would be jealous... if I wasn't, like,
all of you combined. If I couldn't fly or shoot lasers or
catch missiles and see really far, smash buildings and wear
red, and...
(money rustling)
Iron Man: What's that? You're fading out...
Captain America: Whoa! We've broken too many records!
Thor: We can't hear you through all this box office money...
(Avengers laugh)
(Batman sighs)
Hulk: Shawarma!
(epic music plays)
Hawkeye: Natasha? Do I have a mark on my face? It really
hurts...right here.
Not here...or here so much, but right here.
Black Widow: Nope. Ship shape.
Captain America: Hey guys, time to suit up...oh my
GOSH, what happened to your face?
Hawkeye: I knew it...
Captioning by Evan Reynolds