- [Narrator] These are your (playful music)
best friends, so close that they're practically family.
Or should I say, literally just like your family.
- Happy birthday! - Surprise.
- What me?! (screaming incoherently)
- [Narrator] Every squad has the child.
Not necessarily the youngest in age,
but definitely in spirit.
- Ah, it's the best day of my life!
Ah, it's the best day of my life!
They have fried chicken here.
- [Narrator] The child runs on the power
of positivity without ever running out of something to say.
- I have something to say.
As much as I love fried chicken
I love hanging with you guys.
- You know what, I think we're ready to order.
- Okay, what can I get you guys?
- Hello, well what is your name?
You all remember Kevin right?
- Yes, welcome. - No.
- [Narrator] The child also has the uncanny ability
to turn any stranger, however strange,
into a new friend.
- So, can I get anyone something to drink?
- Oh, you know, actually a seltzer would be nice.
- Keith, you're getting the remote all greasy.
Hand it over we're gonna decide what to watch as a group.
Keith no. (bowl clattering)
(glass clunking) - [Narrator] And,
just like a baby, he sometimes lacks the ability
to fully control his own limbs.
- Hah, look, that dude's just like a baby.
- Yeah, it's like he lacks the ability
to fully control his own limbs.
(both laughing)
- [Narrator] You protect the child at all costs,
because he's the most fun and sweet friend you'll ever have.
- I have just the thing that'll help you feel better.
- [Narrator] Then there's the adult of the group.
The one who's stuck in peak mom and dad mode 24/7.
- It's a gift card! - Oh I love cards!
- [Narrator] The adult's parental advisory
instincts kick into high gear whenever
a resolution needs to be reached.
(both arguing) - Guys, guys!
Keith got to pick last time
so we're gonna with Zack's choice.
- Goody. - The fuck, what about me?
- No, your show is super depressing
and not appropriate for Keith.
Which one's the search button?
What?
You can draw on your snapchats?
- That's your Instagram story.
- No, Instagram's for pictures.
- [Narrator] And like many a parent
the ever changing social media landscape
is never immediately apparent to the adult.
- Yes!
I caught another punchy rockeye.
Cash me outside, how bout dah?
- Oh my God, you ruin everything.
- Oh, excuse me, we're ready to order.
I'd like the Ahi tuna salad,
and this guy will get the fried chicken combo--
- [Narrator] But who cares if you're a little behind
the times when you're the only one on top of your shit?
- Yeah, I have several questions about several of the items.
So the fettuccine alfredo.
- Eugene, is that the girl you like?
- [Eugene] Oh my God, shut up.
- [Keith] Eugene's got a crush?!
- [Eugene] No, shut up.
♫ Eugene's got a crush
- No, seriously, can I get another one of these please?
♫ He's got a crush
- [All] Cheers. - Let's get shit-faced!
(howling) - [Narrator] You all know
and hope to survive the teenager.
The friend in your group who is
awfully good at being awesomely bad.
- Someone take this from me, my body is gonna--
- I gotcha buddy. - Regret that in
the morning, thank you.
- Aw, that dude's body is gonna regret it in the morning.
- Oh yeah, his little Benjamin Button body.
(laughing)
- [Eugene] Hold my shit. - [Zack] What?
That was an Oscar nominated movie, I don't--
(blows thudding)
- [Narrator] Although teenager is violent
(blows thudding) and unpredictable,
(screaming) you can always rely on him
to come to your defense.
- Taken care of. - No, no it's not.
We have to go.
Kevin, how are you? - Who's Kevin?
- [Narrator] Let's face it,
on the outside the teenager can be a shady bitch.
(singing loudly)
- I will kill you in your sleep.
- Go talk to her! - Shut up,
you're embarrassing me! - Hi, I'm Keith,
what's your name? - No, don't talk to them.
- Oh, my crayons.
(slide whistle whooshing)
- [Narrator] But, on the inside,
the teenager is a profoundly sensitive friend.
- That's Ned and that's Zack,
and I don't know where Eugene went.
- Happy birthday, buddy. (slide whistle whooshing)
- Oh, oh my God, a pepper shaker!
I've always wanted one of these.
- Did you steal that from Kevin?
- Who's Kevin? - Is anyone else freezing?
Am I crazy?
They just turn, every time I sit underneath a vent,
they turn the vent and it's like so freaking--
- [Narrator] And finally, everyone knows the old person,
who's stuck-- (record scratching)
- No, no, can you not freeze-frame on my face?
We get it, I'm the grumpy old man.
We're kinda too far in the video right now.
We get it, we can move, can you get this outta here?
What are you even doing here? - Zack, you gotta
be nice to the narrator. - No, no, we're done--
(all talking at once)
- [Narrator] Okay, well, as I was saying,
the old person-- - Oh my God, bla bla bla.
You are so boring.
Can we cut to the apartment?
It's cold in here.
Anyone else think it's really hot in here?
Am I crazy?
Hey, Carl-- - [Zack] Kevin.
- Whatever.
Go to the thermostat, turn it down like two degrees,
not three. - [Narrator] Uh, hey,
excuse me.
It's my job to narrate here--
- No, no, we're all aware.
- [Narrator] Stop interrupting me.
- To the restaurant please. (snapping fingers)
Why is everyone so incompetent these days?
- [Narrator] Um, I'm sorry, rude.
- Hey, ladies, excuse me.
My moody friend here with the spiky hair.
He wants to boink one of you,
I'm not sure who, maybe-- - And I'm dead.
I'm dead. - Anyway, I'm going to hand
my friend a present so we can end the video,
no need for fancy editing, God dammit that was good.
- Oh wow. - Just make it quick.
- Wow, oh my God, guys!
This is perfect. - [Narrator] And that,
is how your friends are literally just like your family.
- Okay, quick quick roll the credits before I die.
- [Keith] Ooh and Squad Wars, that's the show that we made.
- Thanks so much for watching! (upbeat music)
Please check out our new Youtube Red show Squad Wars.
This week we have Rebecca Black and Jessica Marie Garcia
going head to head against million dollar listing stars
in a Bollywood challenge.
Watch it for us, won't you?
(sighing) God, I fucking hate smiling.
- [Ned] It's, you know, cause we're a squad
and we make other squads do stuff.
If you like this you should watch that.
And if you didn't like this, well,
you watched the whole thing so joke's on you.
Did they turn the air conditioning on again?
Oh my God it is freezing in here.
Oh look, there's the, if you didn't know, yeah,
you're watching a Buzzfeed video.
Really really getting it in your face with that branding.
Oh, and here's another Buzzfeed thing.
(sign whooshing and squeaking) With some really
terrible sound actually, ugh,
can we do that again without the sound?
It's really grating, oh that's so much better.