Ellie: Toys "R" Us going out of business?
- Everything must go and so we must go. - Man: Must go.
I'm gonna get everything!
I got everything!
( music playing )
Good morning! I just woke up and today's the day
that I get to use the company card
to buy anything that is advertised to me.
Jordan did this once, but I'm gonna do it.
We're gonna see if my day is a little bit different,
because I check my phone constantly!
And I'm a girl. I don't know if you've noticed.
First one, Overstock. They know that I love rugs
'cause I think rugs can transform a room.
And it's a Glossier ad!
She almost tied her hair up but then she let it go.
She didn't even have a hair tie.
Stretch Concealer in Medium.
Boy Brow in Blonde!
I've always wanted Boy Brow.
A bra ad. It's just like a tan piece of Spandex.
"True Body Lift hugs your curves and disappears under clothes."
I have not consented to that.
Now we're gonna scroll through Facebook.
I'm gonna be repping Glossier hard as heck.
It's Tumblr time!
I got an Amazon ad for the best-selling NutriBullet.
So I'm getting Brita Replacement Filters,
Egglettes Egg Cooker.
"Hard boiled eggs without the shell."
That looks like trash and I want it.
Okay. Normally on Saturday I get up,
I walk my dog with my boyfriend.
We try to get like a bagel and coffee.
I'm gonna grab the mail first, though.
Okay, the first thing is a traffic violation
for a guy who does not live here anymore.
Can we pay that? No, it's illegal.
European Wax Center is advertising to me in my mailbox.
( grunts )
Frankly, it's time.
I'm gonna be joined today by my boyfriend.
- Hello! - I'm a very nice person.
- You're a good boy. - I know.
This is where we're gonna go first.
- Looks like a wax museum. Oh. - No, no.
"To reserve this park, please call."
Baby girl's getting a park! And I'm stoked about it.
That's an advertisement for me to put an advertisement on a bench.
You better believe I'm doing that.
Furniture sale! A floor sample sale!
I am gonna go get a bunch of stuff that they just have decorating their floor.
I got a little octopus and a French horn, baby!
And a big old peacock!
And it's $200.
Oh, gonna drop it.
'Cause you know I love octopi. They're smarter than us.
- That's not true. - That's true!
Toys "R" Us going out of business?
- Everything must go and so we must go. - Man: Must go.
I'm gonna get everything!
I got everything!
We just got to the mall, so we're gonna call and make sure
we can get an appointment at the European waxer.
Hi! Yeah, I was wondering if I could get an appointment today
for a bikini line wax. Okay, thank you so much!
Ross Dress For Less.
"Save 20-60% off department store prices."
This is the new me and I'm about to smell like three Rihannas!
Nude by Rihanna, Riri by Rihanna, and Kiss by Rihanna.
- There's another store closing. - Going to Movie World.
Movie World is actually a bookstore,
which makes total sense to me.
So I got this obscure Harrison Ford
and Paul Bettany movie poster.
It's a store called Warbie Yama.
It beckons me.
- Who's this character? - They wouldn't explain.
Looks like a mix of an Angry Bird and a Minion.
I also got, "Will you be a cat?"
- What is that? - "Will you be a dog?"
They clear your pores or what?
It's all in Japanese. I don't know.
( music playing )
( sighs )
All right, I'm ready to go in.
- How'd it go? - I don't wanna talk about it.
Okay, 10% to 50% off.
It's a beauty store so I should be excited.
I'm getting a little tired.
His and Hers Loofas.
All day all I've wanted was a coffee and a bagel.
We finally walk up to a Noah's Bagels
and it is 3:30 PM.
( sighs )
Can you-- Pat? Pat?
- You okay? - No.
Capitalism is a scam and a trick.
I have blinders on because we've already had a really full day.
We're going home. I'm gonna take a nap.
And I'm gonna see you guys when all my stuff comes in the mail.
All righty, I've recovered.
I've bought everything advertised to me,
including this entire park!
I bought it for an hour. I got these things called Egglettes.
"Hard boiled eggs without the shell."
I'm gonna be eating a lot of eggs.
Other than kitchen stuff, a big thing was all beauty products.
Advertisement wants women
to be either in the kitchen or getting pretty.
I got two different face masks. Should I be a cat or a dog?
I'll be a cat. I'ma haunt your nightmares.
Meow!
I'm gonna put every beauty product on my face.
Powder. No brush, but I do have this.
I don't wanna just put everything on top of each other
'cause then you can't see the color.
So I'm just gonna ring it around my mouth.
Huh. I do feel like a Glossier model.
Oh, my God! It smells like old food!
I'm feeling saucy.
True Body Lift. ( grunting )
There we go! This honestly feels really good.
Now that you're so cool playing at your own playground.
All together, "I've got my own playground!"
I did buy one thing that I wasn't able to bring to the park
but I think it's time to go.
Whee!
( music playing )
Rhett:
take on the arm wrestling challenge for Make-A-Wish.
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