How to get a guy to commit without sex and what does it mean if you do decide to have
sex on the first date from a guy's perspective? Plus a bunch of whole other weird questions
that you kind of need to say to believe and then something really beautiful at the end.
Welcome to Ask Mark it's number 81. Thank you for being here and for watching. We're
getting into some good questions today. Make sure if you haven't already, you joined the
Facebook group. It's absolutely free. I'm in there, my master coaches are in there.
Everyone's in there. You should be in there. We've got some really cool stuff coming up
in 2019, and I'm so excited to show it to you. The content is going to be a little bit
thin until then I'm going for one video each a week until then from the start of 2019 the
first video, new year's day, you're going to see one of the coolest videos me and Matty
have filmed and from there, I have three videos every single week.
We've got a new person joining the channel. You're going to get to give me your opinion
on who it should be. You're going to get see me and them go out in public and embarrass
myself. I've got a whole bunch of experts from all around the world that I'm bringing
in, so I'm doing less of the talking, and we've got the standard videos for you. That
is from the 1st of January, 2019, so get excited. In the meantime, when doing an Ask Mark, and
the first question is from Christine. Christine is a really good one. She says, I recently
communicated my standard to a guy I just started dating that I will only sleep with him once
we are exclusive, but then I realized this adds a condition and gives him a lot of pressure
to commit early on because of this rule. Also, I've never had this rule before. I only came
up with it recently.
Now, I regret using this as a condition. What should I do? I want our relationship to grow
organically and I don't want to use sex as a condition for him to want to be with me.
Luckily, after I told him he still wants to continue dating with me right now. Christine,
you out there if you're wanting a guy to commit before sex, it's really simple. You're not
using it as a condition. You're just stating your standard and then letting him decide,
right? If this is a standard for you and for my first girlfriend, this was a standard for
her. If this is a standard for you, then own it. Be proud of it and let the guy decide.
It's not you telling him to do anything. It's literally just you saying, Hey, this is a
personal standard of mine.
I don't commit before sex, so if that's cool with you, great. I love to keep seeing you.
If that's not cool with you, that's great as well. You know, we're just not a match.
You're not putting a condition on it because you're letting the guy decide. It's really
simple. As I said, my first relationship started off in this way and it's a perfectly reasonable
standard to have. Good question. Very simple, very straight forward.
Now, let's get on down to number two. Question two as the sun goes down behind the camera.
I've got a beautiful sunset behind the camera. I'll show you at the end of the video. Second
questions from Zoe and it's around sex again and Zoe says, I always thought it was bad to have
sex on the first date because some guys will just move on to the next girl afterwards.
I feel like it's more of a one night stand instead of a date.
If I wanted a one nighter, then I would have gone for that instead of a date. When I go
on a date, it's because I'm interested. Zoe, you know you out there on a very pro-sex channel,
you know I'm a very, there's no shame around sex. If you want to have it, you should enjoy
it. If not, that's cool too. The important thing is if you're going to have sex on the
first date, this is really important. It's all about your intent. Okay, I've, I've said
this before, but if you're going to do this, you're doing it to enjoy the sexual experience.
That's it. You can find out later if the guys worth dating, but you've only known him one
day, he's only known you one day. Neither of you are going to know if any of your standards
are met. If you're compatible, or you have an idea if that, the only idea you have is
if there is a bit of attraction and chemistry, that's it.
So you need to be really clear with this. If you're sleeping with a guy on the first
date, it's to enjoy the sexual experience and then continue to qualify him over the
coming months as to whether or not he might make a great boyfriend/partner, right? If
you're, if you're going in and having sex on the first date because you think these
guys, this guy's, the bee's knees and the best boyfriend ever, you got to raise your
standards to something that takes longer to apply. If he's not feeling like he still has
to qualify himself after sex, every guy's gonna stop chasing after sex. Good question,
Zoe. Thank you for sending it in.
A, the next one is from Aileen. Uh, and Aileen says, Hi Mark, nice video. I'm in an LDR for
almost a month. We didn't do phone calls or video calls yet because of the phone problems,
which I understand because I don't like phone calls or video calls also. Besides, he updates
me on what he's doing, he sent me photos. He told me his plans for our future. Sometimes
I'm doing the same too, updates him of what I'm doing. Sometimes I'm telling him that
I wished to hear his voice or see him, but he said, love is not what you have seen or
talk every day. It's the true feelings inside of both of us.
I do understand, but do you think our relationship will work? Shall I continue like this or shall
I wait for the right time for both of us ready to communicate through voice and video calls
or meet in person? Thanks. Hope to hear your opinion. You're going to hear my opinion and
you're not going to like it. Yeah. If there is no voice or video calls, there is nothing.
There's just not. Okay, even if this guy's not a scammer, which by the way, a lot of
scammers will use this, Oh, it's just about the feelings. Oh, we should just, it's just
love. We don't need to see or talk to each other. No, we do. Don't believe this. I'm
not necessarily saying this guy's a scammer or anything like that, but I am saying that
there's no emotional connection here and you have to have that to build something. You
need real emotional connection over voice at the very minimum, then video calls and
in person. Until you have that Aileen, you don't really have much here. Get the guy on
the phone or get him out of your life and move on to guys who will.
Next question is from, who have we got? Glory mirror. Let's go to Glory mirror's question.
Who says I'm dealing with a narcissist. They are known for cheating. Known for other things
too. I'm suspicious about some things. Someone did text him and send a photo saying, I love
making love to you in the mirror.
He said, it's nothing he wants me, but I don't believe him because he's still acting secretive.
I need help. I love him but need concrete proof he's doing something for me to drop
his behind. I've been with him for almost four years now. I don't want to waste any
more time with this man if there is, if something is there, Glory, he got a text message saying,
I love making love to you in the mirror. What more concrete proof do you need? If you're
really, really want to pursue this and you have invested four years, here's what I do.
I'd say to him, you got this text, no, there's no logical reason why you'd get this text.
I want to be able to trust you again after this insane text. I want to see all the evidence
through your phone and have an open phone policy so that we can rebuild trust for the
next six or 12 months.
To be honest, I think you're wasting your time and if someone's getting texts like this
and you can't trust them, the time to drop is behind is now. Good job, Glory.
Oh, the next message comes from Stephen. Just gets better. Stephen says, Hi Mark. My name
is Stephen. I worked with an independent reviewers and I'm interested in promoting my client's
links with your help. Of course you are, Stephen. Our topic is cheating and since you have this
amazing video posted on your channel, maybe we could discuss a placement of your links
of ours. Now, of course, I was curious to see what Stephen's link was, even though it
didn't really matter. He says, my clients link is blip and I'm interested in placing
that link under the video description. The link provides ways, uh, that you can an app
that you can know if the person's cheating by basically stalking their phone and tracking
their whereabouts.
Stephen, and perhaps you, if you're considering getting an app like this, you really need
to be investing your time in getting better people in your life than spying on the old
ones who clearly can't be trusted. Okay. I'm saying this out of love. If your relationship
is at a point where you need to download an app onto your or the guy's phone to stalk
him around, and send all the things, it's not at a place where it's worth your time
and energy. That's my opinion. You may disagree. I'd love to hear it if you disagree. The final
message as the sun literally dips behind the horizon and have a look at this.
Beautiful, beautiful.
The final message is one of the most beautiful comments I would say I've ever received on
this channel. It comes from Sophie, and Sophie says, Mark, I'm a broken woman. I'm not sure
if I want to be in another relationship again. My husband has been offered a job overseas.
He'll be leaving this week. It'll be easy and much safer for me to tell him I can't
be with him when he's thousands of miles away from me. A few days ago he was bragging about
how he broke someone's nose when he was in the army. I don't want him to break my nose
next. Your videos have given me the strength and courage to leave this abusive man. I find
you to be inspirational and the fact that you exist reminds me that not all men are
bad. You've been that hug I've needed because nobody knows what I'm going through.
You are that warm voice of wisdom, wisdom I needed to hear reminding me that it's not
okay for someone to treat me like crap because it always felt like there was something wrong
with me since he told me so. Thanks Mark for saving my life. When you visited the U K I
hope we can talk in person. Take care, and God bless. When I first read this I, my mouth
was like it was wide open. I almost burst into tears. This is just the most beautiful
message, comment to received, to read ,and you know if this channel has changed one person's
life in this way.
Yeah, that's the most beautiful thing in the world. So I wanted to share that with you
cause I think it's just a beautiful message, isn't it, about empowerment and it's, it's
super lovely. That's the video for today. I'm going to take you outside just before
we go. Hey, if you have enjoyed the video, make sure to leave your comments, questions,
thoughts, and everything below in the space below. Don't forget to hit the big red subscribe
button with the little bell, and from one of the most beautiful cities in the world,
hopefully the mic's not, not going too fuzzy on me. From the beautiful city in the world,
this is Brisbane, Uh, thank you. We've got lots coming in January and some more stuff
over December. I will see you very, very soon.
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