NARRATOR: From Joss Whedon, God of the nerds, comes
the movie blockbuster that finally unites the world’s greatest superheroes... that
Marvel still has the rights to.
The Avengers!
The ultimate two hour geek fantasy that blinds all nerds from admitting any legitimate criticism.
And put all of DC Comics on suicide watch.
A villain, who inexplicably returns from the dead, will vow vengeance on the planet where
his demigod brother’s sort-of-girlfriend lives.
Forcing this bluetooth obsessed government agency to assemble the heroes from Marvel’s
greatest franchises, except Spider-Man, Fantastic Four, and X-Men.
Suit up with Iron Man - everyone’s favorite secondary Marvel character - who must redeem
himself from the god awful Iron Man 2.
Thor - who sort of pulled off his own movie, but who’s appearance here completely negates
its ending.
Captain America - no one’s favorite character, who just kinda has to be there.
And The Incredible Hulk – who, for the sake of the plot, can now suddenly control his
rage…
BRUCE BANNER: I’m always angry.
NARRATOR: …without any explanation.
Which doesn’t matter ‘cause that shot was awesome!
Witness... the excitement...
IRON MAN: I need you to get to that engine control panel…
NARRATOR: …of Iron Man repairing a spaceship for twenty
minutes.
The thrill of generic aliens on flying jet skis.
The confusing energy source of the Tesseract…
SELVIG: The Tesseract can fight, but you can’t protect
against yourself…
NARRATOR: …and its completely unjustified fail safe.
The explosion that instantly kills every alien, conveniently tying up all loose ends.
The Bromance…
TONY STARK: Hey.
NARRATOR: And the character in the middle of the credits,
who every nerd in the audience pretended to know.
A movie so fulfilling…
you won’t remember that the first 45 minutes are actually kind of boring.
A villain so determined...
LOKI: You need the cube to bring me home, but I’ve
sent it off I know not where.
NARRATOR: …you’ll wonder why he’s uniting the
only people who can stop him, in hopes of getting them to dislike each other.
TONY STARK: Not a great plan.
NARRATOR: Battles so action packed...
HAWKEYE: Stark, you’ve got a lot of strays stuck
on your tail.
NARRATOR: You won’t even ask yourself, “how are
they even all talking to each other without ear pieces?”
BLACK WIDOW: I can close it, can anybody copy?
CAPTAIN AMERICA: Do it.
TONY STARK: No, wait.
CAPTAIN AMERICA: Stark, these things are still coming.
NARRATOR: Starring...
Bore.
Pinkeye.
Iron Man Pooping.
Not Edward Norton.
The Human Torch.
Leather Boobs.
Mace Windu.
And Gay Bane.
NARRATOR: Marvel’s The Avengers!
If this doesn’t make your inner eight year old self squeal in delight you’re likely
dead inside... or a girl.
If you like Honest Trailers, then please check out our brand new weekly series, The Screen
Junkies Show.
Seriously, don’t be a jerk.
We worked real hard on this new show.
So check it out and leave a comment.
And, as always, leave a comment with the movie you’d like to see get the Honest treatment
next.
Cats with boobies.
Oppa Gangnam Style.
Hey, I just met you and this is crazy, but here’s my number so call me maybe.