Everybody's gone to bed, and I'm just sitting there staring at the TV in front of me.
And I was watching SBS.
And this documentary comes on.
So it's this story about lesbians.
And then about half way through or something.
I literally just all of a sudden had this moment where I just went
"Bang."
How could I have lived being me all this time
for 48 years
how could I not have known?
I'm Jenny Lonergan
and I came out at the age of 51.
Even though I was married I was still in a place where I did not understand...
who I was, and what was happening to me still.
The older I got the more sure I was, that I was...
asexual.
The minute I realised it was this complete opening up inside myself.
And I instantly became a sexual person.
I feel...
there's so much of me that I am so embarrassed about.
You feel so ridiculously childlike.
Because there's just this, newness to everything.
There must be something wrong with you if you don't need a man.
Or if you're not attracted to men.
And so researchers have for many years been searching for what this biological reason could be.
But in fact, some women just choose not to be with a man
and prefer to be with women.
Things are changing and it is getting a lot easier.
Whether it's the same-sex marriage laws
or just society generally changing that makes it much more acceptable to be lesbian.
There was a lot of family pressure because, I think I was 28, and everyone
"Oh, when are you going to get married?"
Because I liked being single, I really did.
Why buy the book when you can join the library?
But I did get married.
I don't really know why because...
the only good thing to come out of it was my three children.
He just decided he was sick of being a married man.
He went to work one day, I never saw or heard from him again.
I was 48.
That was in 2010.
I had no interest in dating.
Couldn't foresee myself being with another person.
Can't get hurt when you're on your own.
It was because I had this one friend that used to come over
and she insisted I join these dating sites.
Anyway, she joined me on Pink Sofa which I'd never heard of.
Well it was nice, because it was not like I was expecting.
It was like more of a forum.
And a lot of women are on there, a lot of them are middle-aged.
And it was while I was reading all these other people's stories
I started identifying with a lot of them.
And I thought, "Maybe that is me."
Maybe that I why I'm so picky
and why I've never really had any interest.
Hi babe.
I found her very easy to talk to.
We used to laugh all the time.
She was very very open and honest.
She told me about the fact that she's been married for 18 years
she's got three grown up children.
So yeah, as I said. That was another quality that attracted me to her.
It wasn't her looks cause she, well you know...
I don't mean that the way it came out.
She was just a nice person.
And after months and months and months Carole had asked me to marry her.
We were laying on her bed, and she told me she had something to say to me.
And then just told me, and I was like
"Okay."
You can love who you want to love.
If that makes you happy then that makes you happy.
But...alright.
Many women report early attractions
and also early same-sex experiences.
But these were hidden and closeted.
And they often don't revisit them
until the kids are raised and they feel that it's safe.
And they haven't got so much to lose.
I was with a girl when I was young.
Lived with her for a few years.
But I didn't know if that was more because she was always there.
But I never really gave it any thought.
But in hindsight I suppose that's why I always felt that something was missing.
We're gonna trip over this chord, I can see it happening.
Ok, I want a song but I don't want any of your Screamo
I don't want ANY One Direction.
Being in a relationship with a woman compared to a man is a lot more frustrating.
You've got two women that only know how they want their home run.
And then each is trying to tell the other one they're wrong.
And then if you throw menopause in amongst that
Any guy that walks in this house would be very brave at time of the month
I can tell you that now.
She's been really really happy.
A lot more Karaoke.
Which is very traumatic.
But it's great.
Cause she's so happy now.
I can just see us in ten years time finishing each others sentences.
We're so comfortable with each other, and that's a scary thought.
Polishing each others false teeth and, you know...
But it is, the companionship's wonderful.
And I still get asked, "Are you sure you're gay."
Are you sure?
After a while all you want to do is get on top of a mountain and just
scream to the world who you are.
You want it plastered on you forehead
because you're finally someone
there's finally something that makes sense.