- The less you give a shit
what other people think about you,
the more magnetic you are.
And it's an interesting thing, because when you let go
of giving a fuck, you will notice that people
respond to you differently and that you're not attached
to what other people say, think, and do,
and it makes you so much more magnetic.
Now in this video, I'm gonna show you step by step,
exactly how to do that.
I think this video will completely change
your energy from the inside out
if you simply apply what I share with you
in this video.
Now, have you ever noticed that
the more you let go of caring
what other people think about you, the more
that they actually either come around,
respect you, or appreciate you.
But have you noticed that the more you care
what other people think about you,
what their perspective is,
the more you want someone else's validation,
love, or support, the more resistant your energy becomes
and the less they actually like you,
validate you, or whatever?
That's because there is an attachment involved,
an attachment creates resistance
and attachment also displays the energy of neediness.
Now, there's a direct correlation
between that of neediness and having magnetic energy.
If you have non-neediness, so a lack of neediness,
that's what makes you magnetic.
The degree to which you have neediness inside of you
is the degree to which you are repelling love
and validation and support and all of that, away.
So this really is about a game,
not a game, but this is about an energy
of letting go of the neediness.
Letting go of neediness.
Now, a lot of the information I'm sharing with you
in this video comes from that
of the books by Mark Manson
who has written the book
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck.
And it's mainly, it's about understanding
that when you give a fuck
about what other people say, think, and feel about you,
you're putting them on a pedestal,
you're making them very important,
but what ends up happening is you end up in a way
abandoning yourself in the process of trying
to get other people to like you and appreciate you.
He also talks about neediness and how neediness
is the root of all like the energy
that is literally repelling that what you want.
And what the book is really about,
it's about realizing that you have to give
a fuck about something,
but just don't give a shit about the things
that don't actually serve you.
So really what the book's about is getting clear
on your own sense of value and the values that you live by.
This is something that I learned from Tony Robbins
years ago, but always kind of rejected
because I thought it was like,
I didn't understand it completely.
I was like, well, beliefs create reality
so whatever you believe to be true
is reflected back to you.
This whole value thing, I don't really understand.
What values are is values make up
your sense of identity,
and values are the virtues that we live by.
Now, one of the strongest human desires there is
is to remain consistent to the way we define ourself.
And we all have these subconscious values
that we think are important
whether we realize it or not.
And these subconscious values a lot of times
came from childhood.
So in childhood, if our needs weren't met in childhood,
which many of us had that experience of at some level,
maybe even it's not that it's our parents' fault
necessarily, it could be, but
that's a perspective that normally needs forgiveness.
To me, everything in life is fundamentally neutral
other than the meaning we give it,
and we, many times, took on the meaning of things
that happened to us growing up that then remain
on autopilot until we become aware of it.
So if we didn't get validated growing up,
we may now crave and need and want other people
to validate us.
And when it talks about giving a fuck,
if we give a fuck that we want other people to validate us
and then we start putting other people's validation
and approval on a pedestal, that's when things get wonky
because we're leading in life with wanting
other people's approval and validation
to help fulfill our own lack of childhood need
that wasn't met when we were kids.
So this is about becoming aware
of the virtues we are living by.
So for a long time, I was living by virtues
that really had me in needy energy.
That really had me feeling powerless,
hard for me to set boundaries,
and that was because I was living
by virtues and values that were outdated.
Those virtues and values were me
that on one hand the thing
that I wanted the most,
that one thing that I really valued
more than anything else was people's approval,
their validation and approval.
Because growing up, I felt like
I didn't receive validation or approval,
I then searched it in everybody else,
I'd search it in the people, someone I was dating,
I would search it for friends.
And in a weird twisted way,
we tend to try to recreate similar childhood dynamics
that feel familiar.
So for me, for a long time, that was recreating
someone in my life
that was similar to my ex-stepmom
who was mentally, physically abusive and manipulative.
So I would attract people into my life
that had that kind of manipulation energy,
that also, in a weird, twisted way,
I would feel safe around that energy.
There's something about it that felt familiar to me
because somebody else telling me what to do felt safe.
I remember when my ex-stepmom and my dad divorced
and my dad divorced her when I was 15-years-old,
and I remember I was, all of a sudden,
I had all this freedom,
I was allowed to have friends,
I was allowed to eat enough food,
I was allowed to go to school activities,
I was allowed to like, I didn't have to earn everything,
wasn't locked outside working out all day,
I was able to do a lot of things
I wasn't able to do before,
and there was something about that
to me that felt scary.
There was something about that
that felt like there was anxiety.
In that moment, I remember
even though prior to being able to have freedom,
I was normally locked outside with my brother,
we would sneak inside the house just to watch TV sometimes.
One of us would have the remote
with the finger on the previous channel button
so that if somebody came home,
we'd push the previous channel button
so they didn't think we were
watching TV and then we'd throw the remote
and then run outside and continue working.
That's what we had to do
if we ever wanted to watch TV.
Even though we had to live under that kind of pressure
and stress, there was something about it
that felt safe.
And in a weird way, growing up then
after my ex-stepmom left my life,
I would recreate that, not subconsciously,
because one of my values was trying to prove myself
to somebody else.
So it was either in a jealous girlfriend
or it was in a manager at Nordstrom
that was the same personality as my ex-stepmom,
there were these archetypes that I attract
to reflect back that because it felt familiar.
And that's what we do in our lives,
we recreate familiar childhood dynamics
in our present day right now
based on the values and the unmet childhood needs
that we had growing up.
So if we really care and if we really craved
certain things growing up that we didn't receive,
we will then search for it on the outside.
But normally we'll attract people who can't give it to us
because that feels familiar,
for people not to be able to give us that love,
support, whatever it is.
But the main part of the thing that will transform
your life more than anything else
is becoming aware of the values you are currently living by.
And for me, I was living
by other people's validation or approval
so I'd be trying to earn that.
I'd live by people-pleasing other people.
I was trying to feel significant by making
YouTube videos that other people would watch
that I had all these followers so that I could show people
that didn't believe in me when I was, I'm like come up,
like, look, I did it.
You said I wouldn't do it, I did it.
Trying to prove people in my family that I'm worthy.
It was like this feeling not worthy
because I valued other people's validation,
approval, and significance so much
because I felt like I didn't receive it growing up.
Now, what really changed for me is I went from
as a people pleaser or a nice guy, or the empath,
I really focused on other, there's this like,
there's this way of looking at empath, people-pleasers,
nice guys, that will completely transform your life
if you see it like this, at least it did for me,
that is that
growing up, the empath is somebody
that can feel other people's energies.
Now, one of the reasons the empath, the people-pleaser,
or the nice guy can feel other people's energy
is because growing up, that became a survival mechanism.
Maybe mom or dad physically or emotionally withdrew.
And from that, we then decided,
oh, I have to be a certain way in order to be loved.
Maybe the reason they're emotionally unavailable
is because something I did wrong.
Maybe mom and dad divorced because I wasn't enough.
We then abandon ourselves,
the internal, to then please the external
so that the internal can feel safe.
So then there's this abandonment that goes on.
And normally when it comes to giving a fuck
about the wrong things, I find that a lot of times
it stems down to an abandonment wound,
of feeling abandoned growing up because mom or dad,
or some parental figure emotionally disengaged,
and then making a choice, a decision
that there's something wrong with me,
I'm broken, or believing other people are gonna leave.
And from that internal decision,
then deciding, well maybe if I overcompensate,
I add value to all my friends,
I don't have any boundaries,
I try to fix everybody in my life,
maybe then I'm good enough.
And it's saying if other, other,
so there's either the self
and other, the self is everything inside of your body,
it's feeling inside your own frame,
other is everything else.
And what happens is we stop feeling safe in our body
and we start looking to the external
to feel safe and validated.
And what ends up happening in that dynamic
is we abandon ourself for other.
And that becomes a pattern,
that becomes something that is familiar to us,
that becomes something that we're used to,
so then we continue to abandon ourselves
to make everybody else happy,
which, of course, depolarizes polarity in relationships,
which, of course, is overcompensating
and showing the neediness
because then it's needing other people's validation,
approval in order to feel safe.
And the thing that we've done
is we've made it very important
what other people think,
other people's validation, love, support,
significance, instead of what we think.
And the answer, the transformation
that we experience is when we stop abandoning ourself,
we stop giving a shit about abandoning ourselves
and what other, everyone else thinks
and we start more so
valuing ourself and living by our own values,
our own virtues.
So what I did is I let go of
wanting validation approval, and significance,
and I started to become aware of it.
90% of all transformation is awareness.
As I became aware of that,
I then started to live by a new set of virtues.
Those virtues included vulnerability,
vulnerability, the ability to express my heart,
the ability to express myself to other people,
to express what's real,
that became one of my top virtues.
So if I had trouble setting boundaries with someone,
it became easier because I value vulnerability,
even if it's uncomfortable, I express it.
If I was afraid of being physically, like,
if I was normally afraid of sharing how I emotionally feel,
I would then realize, wait,
who I am as somebody that is vulnerable.
Because the thing is,
is when you have shame from childhood
you believe you're broken,
you try to hide that vulnerability
because you don't want to be rejected again.
But the key is going into the vulnerability
knowing that yes, you could get rejected,
but from expressing the real you,
at least you're being the real you.
Then you'll find that when you're not afraid of rejection,
you don't get rejected nearly as much, which is interesting.
The other one I live by is authenticity,
Being the most authentic version of myself.
By moving up those values of authenticity,
vulnerability, courage, stepping into the unknown,
adventurous, all these values
that I used to not really value as much,
it completely changed my sense of identity
because then way lower on the list,
I'd be lying if I said there was not
that the the validation or approval,
if I didn't care at all about that,
that I would just wear it like a tinfoil hat
and run around like a dog or something.
Actually, I don't know if I would do that,
that's not the most passionate thing for me to do
but I just wouldn't give a shit about at all
what other people think
but I don't think that's authentic
'cause at some level, I think that I for sure
do still care what people think.
However, it's not nearly as much,
not nearly as much as it used to be.
And I'm more so expressive,
I wanna be more so expressive of now of the real me
even if that means some level of rejection
or some level of
not being approved of or something,
I now value being authentic over that.
And now the more magnetic you will be,
the more you let go of the neediness
of needing other people to like validate your frame
or needing other people's approval or validation
by not abandoning yourself and giving yourself
the values, the virtues, the north compass to live by,
the more magnetic you will be.
That is the key to this level of true magnetism.
Now, there is a video right here
on the five secrets to letting go
that make you attractive AF.
It's one of my most powerful videos.
If you haven't seen this video,
watch it right now to wire this all in.
In this video, I wanna share you five secrets
to letting go that will make you more attractive
and that will completely transform your life.
And when you start applying them, it changes everything.