Are you ready to fall in love?
It can happen really fast, in just one conversation.
We’ll show you how it can happen to you.
And you’ll learn lots of vocabulary about love and relationships along the way.
Get ready for Valentine’s Day!
Hello everyone.
I’m Jay and I’m American.
And I’m Vicki and I’m British and this lesson was inspired by the science of love.
Some years ago a psychologist called Arthur Aron did a study on relationship building.
He was looking at communication and how strangers can connect.
And a very interesting thing happened in one of his experiments.
Two strangers met in his laboratory, had a conversation and fell in love.
It happened when they asked one another 36 questions and shared their answers.
So what were the questions?
We’ll show you.
And we’ll leave some links about the research in the details below.
Be sure to read the article from the New York Times.
It’s really interesting Do you think the questions will help our relationship
too?
We’re already married.
Let’s try them and see!
OK, what are we doing?
I’ve got 36 questions here.
And we’re going to take it in turns to pick them up, read them and then answer them.
OK?
First one.
If you could choose anyone in the world, who would you want as a dinner guest?
Oh that’s easy.
Albert Einstein.
Oh right.
OK.
I don’t think I’d want anyone famous.
I think I’d want to see one of my old friends who I haven’t seen for a while.
How do you think that first question went?
Very well.
How about you?
Hmm.
So-so.
You said you wanted to meet Albert Einstein.
What’s wrong with that?
Well I think you’re trying to impress me.
You want me to think you’re very intelligent.
Well I do want to impress you, but I’d also like to meet Albert Einstein.
Yeah but if I didn’t know you, I’d think you were trying too hard.
Trying too hard.
That’s not good!
Be cool!
Calm down and just be yourself.
OK.
I’ll try to be cool.
Let’s try another question.
What would be a perfect day for you?
Ah, it would be: stay in bed till late and then go out in the evening for a meal with
you.
My perfect day, what I’d like to do, I’d like to get up early in the morning, go to
the gym and work out, go to work, get important things done, come home and go out to dinner
with you.
You’re much more active than me.
How did that question go?
I’m not sure.
You said I was more active than you.
But I don’t think that’s a bad thing.
We’re just different.
People can be compatible even if they’re different.
That’s true.
We don’t have to agree about everything to get along.
And I like your energy.
Well thank you!
Let’s have another question then.
If you were going to become a close friend with your partner,...
Well that sounds really odd.
If you’re not already close friends, why would you be partners, but..
Oh no because, no because, these are for strangers to do as well, these questions.
You mean to a business partner?
No no, just strangers.
Two people sitting together.
If...
If you were...
If you were going to become...
Oh.
Oh two people sitting together like partners in class.
Yes.
I see.
Yeah.
If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would
be important for him or her to know.
It would be important for me to tell you that I'm very untidy.
I'd have to tell you that sometimes I snore.
To be untidy means I don’t put things away neatly.
And snoring is breathing noisily when you’re asleep.
‘Partner’ is interesting.
It can be a confusing word in English.
Yes, it can mean a business partner – someone you own a business with.
Or it can be someone you do something with.
Like if you work with a team mate in class, they’re you’re partner.
In British English, we describe someone we live with, but we’re not married to, as
our partner.
So there’s a romantic relationship.
Yes.
What would you call that in American English?
Perhaps your boyfriend or girlfriend?
But that could also be someone you don’t live with.
Yes, it could be either.
But partners for us are generally two people in a gay relationship.
Before Jay and I got married we lived together in the US and I didn’t know about this vocabulary
difference.
So I talked about Jay to my American friends and said he was my partner.
And then when my they met him they were surprised.
They expected me to be a woman.
They were very nice to me, but clearly surprised.
So that’s a curious American and British English difference.
I think things are changing though and we’re adopting the British meaning of the word.
So the difference is disappearing?
Yes.
Let’s have another question.
What is your most treasured memory?
Erm…
Our wedding day was pretty special and I have tresured memories of that.
Erm...
What is your most terrible memory?
Oh well I think… there are several of them but it’s losing people we love.
Yeah.
My father or my mother or Carter.
Yeah.
Me too.
Treasure is something valuable like gold, silver or jewels, and if we treasure something we
treat it like it’s very valuable.
We could treasure a friendship, or treasure a memory.
And lose?
If we lose someone we love, it means they died.
It’s a euphemism, a gentle way to say they died.
As we worked our way through the questions, they also became more personal.
We had to reveal things about our personal feelings and say how we felt about one another.
Take turns to share a positive characteristic of your partner.
Share five items.
Erm.
I think you’re very hard working.
I think you’re funny.
I think you’re, erm, very loyal.
I think you’re…
I think you’re also very kind, and try not to hurt people’s feelings.
You’re sensitive like that.
And I think…
Erm…
Good-looking.
All right.
Good-looking!
Good-looking is another way to say attractive.
And we can say it for men and women.
Some adjectives are used for females, like beautiful and pretty.
And handsome is for men.
We can also say hot.
That works for women and men.
We could say that in British English too, but often we say fit.
Like physically fit - strong and healthy?
No, fit is an informal word and it means hot.
Sexy.
OK, loyal.
If someone is loyal, they always support their friends.
You can be sure that they’ll be on your side.
Sensitive is an interesting word too because it’s a false friend in many languages.
Notice that sensitive doesn’t mean that you’re able to make good judgements.
That’s sensible – so a different word.
If someone is sensitive it could mean they get upset easily, but it can also mean that
they’re able to understand other people’s feelings and problems.
And then it’s a positive quality.
Have we made another video about sensible and sensitive?
Yes, I’ll put the link here.
Complete this sentence.
I wish I had someone with whom I could share ...
The work for Simple English Videos.
So perhaps the editing or the shooting and all that.
I mean there’s you.
There’s you.
I know that.
Thanks a lot!
I know but I wish we had someone else.
Oh someone else.
OK.
What about you?
Yes, I wish we had someone else.
You said 'with whom' there, not 'with who'.
That was very formal.
Yes, that was because I was reading the research question aloud.
We’ve made another video on who and whom and I’ll put the link here.
But there was another useful verb there - share.
Sharing is when you’re giving something you have to another person.
We can share information and personal stories.
How close and warm is your family?
Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
Well together we have a very large close family.
I’d like to be closer to some of them, but they’re very far away.
Erm, and do you think your childhood was happier than most other people’s.
I think mine was.
I was very lucky.
I suspect mine was not, but that’s OK.
That’s the problem isn’t it.
How do you feel about your relationship with your mother.
She was a difficult woman, wasn’t she?
Let's skip that.
Close can mean physically close, so not far away, and also emotionally close.
Close has a lot of different meanings.
If you’re talking about love, you want a close relationship.
A close relationship is a loving relationship.
Exactly.
To skip is a useful verb.
If we don’t want to do something, we can say, 'let’s skip it'.
It’s like missing it.
We can skip breakfast or lunch.
There was another question we wanted to skip.
Of all the people in your family – oh - this is disturbing.
OK.
Of all the people in your family whose death would you find most disturbing and why?
Whoo!
Erm.
Clearly for me, it would be you.
Right.
It’s too disturbing to even think about.
Yeah and I think one of the grandchildren.
Well, let’s not think about it.
It’s interesting that they wrote the word disturbing in this question.
If we disturb someone, it usually means we interrupt them and stop them from doing what
they’re doing.
Usually if you disturb someone it isn’t serious.
It’s a small problem.
It’s not a big thing.
In this question disturbing is a euphemism again.
It’s a gentle way of saying upsetting or distressing.
If you’re upset, you’re very unhappy and possibly worried.
Something bad has happened.
And if you’re distressed something really bad has happened and your very upset.
It was a difficult question, because they wanted us to share sad thoughts.
I expect that’s important for the experiment.
Yes, the questions at the start of the experiment are easy, but then they get deeper.
Uh oh!
Share an embarrassing moment in your life.
Where do I begin?
There are so many.
I've given a presentation to a large audience and I've sneezed and farted at the same time.
Sorry, I've never been embarrassed.
Stories like that can make us feel nervous, uncomfortable and ashamed.
Thy make us vulnerable.
Yes.
We’ll think ‘are you going to laugh at me?’, ‘will you think I'm stupid?’
Maybe we have to become vulnerable to fall in love.
What do you think?
Tell us your thoughts in the comments.
And share what you think of the experiment and the questions.
And we love it when you share our videos with your friends too.
Yes, please go and do that now!
Yeah, this video is getting very long.
It’s time to stop.
We haven’t finished all the questions though.
We can look at some more another time.
OK, see you next week everyone.
Happy Valentine’s Day.
Bye-bye.
Bye.