Bob: What's up Wade. We teammates.
Wade: Yeah, we gonna win
Mark: Hi Jack! You're on my team. You happy?
Jack: YEAH!
W: Welcome to the big shot Bob.
M: We're gonna win. They need to really concentrate on this tiny map
M: Hmm, okay the evidence points towards a jar of pickles somewhere
W: Guilty
M: Smells fresh like Bob.
M: Oh yeah.
J: There's a trail , follow the trail!
M: There is a trail. I can't believe it. Woah! That jar was moving.
J: There's an egg under the couch.
M: Is there?
M: What does an egg mean?
J: Okay, it was a little fried egg under the couch it wasn't one of them.
B: It was just an egg hanging out. Don't worry about it man.
W: It's good to know that exists though
B: Leave my egg alone!
M: Alrighty then.
J: This dude just has the whites of his eyes showing, he's dead
M: Wait. Oh GOD! He hit the vape too hard
M: Kids, this guy smoked one vape and he's DEAD! This could happen to YOU!
J: This whole level's just a PSA.
J: "Don't vape"
B: He tried vaping once and he died!
J: This guy exploded when he-
M: Oh my GOD no
W: He didn't have the food he needed
M: Wait, uh, Jack that door just opened.That door opened and closeded. Did you open that?
J: No, I want to see uh- knock knock?
J: Ocupado?
J: There a penis under it!
M: Which one of you is the penis?
B: I wanna see-
M: WHAT?!
J: There's a straight cock and balls right here
M: Hey wait. Look at the wall. Are you seeing the shadow, the puppet show I got for you?
J: No? Oh haha
B: Oh my God, I can see it a little bit on my side of the wall-
M: Can you go find me a donut? I need to have an anatomical lesson.
J: There's a big Mac box. That's the best I can do.
M: That's not going to get this video demonetized. Come on, I need to reach new levels
B: Yeah, you need to go edgier. Okay?
M: Yeah. Hello?
B/J: Hi
B: Wait, hang on!
M: We got Doritos on the run! *gunshots*
B: Oh I was trying to become the cigarettes now I'm stuck.
J: Fuck you
J: Got 'em!
M: Here you go.
W: I just wanted to come see the shadow puppets
B: Why are you coughing Jack? You vape too hard?
M: Yeah
J: Dude *cough* too much Nashe
M: Didn't you see the PSA, man? You can't do that.
J: Okay.
J: Oh yes! Okay, never mind. I win.
M: All right bad news guys. I don't think you can become the dick.
B: It's got to be possible. That's why it exists.
W: I never saw the penis.
W: I don't know if I want to see the penis
M: All right, I've screwed myself a little bit
J: Yeah, you're fucked
M: You don't know that
J: I win by default because it broke the map. Oh, we just missed 4:20 on the time.
B: Oh damn, dude
J: Come on guys!
M: We'll catch it on the next pass around
W: There's definitely just a penis there
J: You've seen the majestic peen?
M: You guys gonna do a-
W: We saw. We saw the peen.
B: Wow you really you really can do like a puppet show too
B: Ready for this?
W: I don't think I'm ready for this
B: Wade put your face shadow right there
J: Oh I get it
B: Wait, the hole in the front of your face looks kind of like the right shape. Can you stand-
B: Can you look at the wall for me? Just look over there
J: It's gonna look like dick sucking mouth
B: No, Wade, no. Come back
W: No get out of my face Bob!
B: Wade come back!
W: I don't want your penis!
B: Wait look just listen
J: I just saw you, like, walk off frame chasing him with a dick
B: How do you like that?
B: Huh? How do you like that?
W: I don't like it!
M: No, I just want to see the puppet show!
W: Oh yeah so did I!
M: No you didn't
J: You saw the puppet show
M: I gave him the slip
M: I gave him the slippy dip
J: You gave him the slide.
W: Why is there a penis out here? Bob!
B: What?
J: Don't throw your dick around
B: It's mine.
W: Where'd you go Mark?
M: I went everywhere
J: I picked it up out of frame-
W: Gross!
W: I don't need to know about that
M: NO!
M: I'm stuck. He tried to drink me!
B: He was literally sitting behind the couch, Wade
J: Hey, Mark how am I doing?
M: Whoa, what the hell? I don't even know where you- OH
J: I told you I broke the map
M: Are you there? *high-pitched voice* Are you were I think you are? Oh?
B: What the fuck are you this?
J: I don't know where you are so no.
B: Are you the can in the rafter?
J: I'm in the room with the two couches with the dudes sitting opposite each other.
J: Well the other one is like that as well
J: The one Wade's in.
M: Yeah I'm not a hundred percent sure what you are, but I know where you are.
J: I'll let you know that you guys what I am, but you have to tell me how good my spot is
J: And if it's really good. I'm allowed auto win, okay?
B: Okay.
J: Can you see me? I'm jumping.
M: Oh I see you.
M: I've got you
J: Come to the shelves in the corner
M: Ah that's pretty- I don't know
W: Bob, do you see this when I'm up in the top?
B: No, I can't actually see you, you sink into the shelf
M: Yeah
J: Right
M: A tiny sliver of Toblerone
B: I mean, I guess it is technically visible, so whatever
M: Jesus
B: Jack wins
J: I said if it was really good you had to kill yourself and I win
B: That's the deal
M: Wade, obey the rules
J: You can't even kill yourself properly, Wade.
W: I'm trying
B: That's a pretty pro spot. I liked it
J: I found that by accident.
M: Hey. Can you guys become the taser?
J: Oh wait for it-
J: 4:20!!!!
M: Yeah, man
M: Yeah. Sir, give me one vape, please
J: Can I have one 420 weed, please.
M: Can I- hey vapes not about weed man. It's not about weed
J: I think he's been smoking too much of the product
M: Yeah, wait are his eyes even open?
J: I saw that whoever you are. You jar of pickles
M: Excuse me
M: Sir?
J: Sir, you have some ketchup on your head.
B: Hey guys. How's it going?
M: We're dealing with something
J: We're so incognito
M: Did you shoot him in the head?!
J: NO
W: Can somebody help me? I think- I think- I think Jim's in bad shape.
M: I think I know why he's not really here cuz they've got a giant hole in the front of his head.
W: Jim!
J: He wasn't there to begin with
W: He was my bald brother!
M: Alright then
W: I'm not saying this because of me in real life, I'm saying this because of me in the game
M: OH MY GOD
J: Did you see what happened to your other brother in this room?
M: Jim! What happened here?
W: All of a sudden I'm realizing it's just not worth it. You can put me down.
M: What? No, I don't think so. We can still save him. We just got to get more weeds in him.
B: I'm just gonna hang out by myself, I guess.
M: Wait, no, hang on wait, wait.
M: Where's that penis
J: Where's the peen
M: There it is okay hang on. wait.
W: I can save your brother!
M: Get outa my way
M: Oh you can become the dick?
B: Wait, can you?
M: Wade- Wade just
B: Oh my God Wade is the dick!
M: Wade just assumed his true form and then ran off
J: I was just about to make that joke
M: Oh sorry lol
J: It's on his head! He's a dickhead!
B: Lemme do it
B: Oh God! Oh no!
J: Your boober was too big
B: I'm stuck. Oh my God I'm so veiny
B: I'm so veiny
W: We are such children
J: That's why there's not blood on his head
B: Have you ever had a conversation with a dick before?
B: Boys, listen. Gentlemen, let's talk about this
B: You wouldn't hit a dick with glasses on would you?
M: Don't point your balls at me like that
J: Tell us some dick jokes
B: Dick jokes, huh?
B: What's the difference between an erection and a dog?
J: I can walk the dog...?
B: You have to kill the dog before you bury it
B: Too far?
J: You can live from that one
M: Sorry, I had a different opinion about that
B: Tough crowd, tough crowd.
B: That's a euphemism for sex, right?
B: You bury a bone or something?
M: Maybe?
B: Really just tried to work in a killing the dog joke because I know how popular those jokes are these days
B: Everyone's gonna love that shit.
M: I've goofed real bad.
J: Yeah, you can't- you can't do that.
M: No, no I can see I did it.
J: Perfect!
M: No one will know
J: Nailed it
M: No one will know
B: If I find you, I'm not gonna kill you. I'm just gonna taze you okay?
M: Alright. Okay. Alright then.
M: Not unless I taze you first!
J: We should have a rule on this map: no grenades cuz it's just overkill.
B: Cuz you can just take out half the map
J: Yeah, exactly.
M: Wait. Wade, what are ya looking at?
W: Ya know...
W: ...something. Hey Bob wanna see something cool?
B: No
M: What...?
W: It's in between the table in the couch right here
W: There's something right between this end table and the couch?
M: Someone dropped the tazer
B: No that was mine. I brought- I brought that in here.
M: What?!
M: Fuckin double kill
W: I didn't mean to kill you both
B: Wow
J: I only came over to see what you were looking at
W: I was trying to shoot Mark, but I guess the shotgun-
M: You just peaked your head out right in time to catch a face full of shotgun
M: *Patrick Warburton voice* Anybody want some bread? I got some bread there.
M: *PW voice* Pickles?
J: Thanks Patrick
M: *PW voice* More pickles
B: Patrick Warburton?
J: Patrick Warburton.
J: He's gonna be a bag of Doritos back here?
B: *attempted PW voice* Hey Izma
M: *PW voice* Tell me there's an eater in here
B: Peter eater?
B: You gotta Peter eater?
J: Somebody's just a bag of Doritos behind the toilet.
M: *PW voice* You gotta eater those Doritos
M: *Patrick Warburton voice* Peter
B: Why are you horny, Patrick Warburton?
J: Why are you squatting everywhere?
M: *PW voice* Patrick Warburton's gotta squat
B: I just saw Wade come screaming
M: You're being made a fool of
J: I'm not even trying to shoot him, I just wanna know what he is
W: You shot your wife on the phone.
M: Did they up the shotgun cuz holy shit. It's like it do it again
B: What could I give you that would not just instantly give me away?
M: No, no, no, we got this. We can do this. You can do this.
W: The odds and are not ever in your favor
M: No, no no, no.
M: I don't know about you, but I'm a pro level Prop Hunter
J: I am a level 10 Prop Hunter
B: Do you have the goggles of seeing?
J: I am a level 4-
B: Plus 10 against props
M: That was weird
M: For some reason there was a turd inside one of these end tables that I thought that was him
B: All right, I am the same color as a turd
W: Ooh, that's a clue
B: I'm not only one color, but I am mostly the same color as a turd, but I'm not a turd
B: And you know you don't shit me out, but you may be able to shatter me
B: You bitch
M: I don't know-
B: I was sit into open you fuckers
J: Where the fuck am I?
W: I saw you.
J: Oh shit.
W: I saw you peeking your head out, Jack
J: Where the fuck are we?
W: We're in some kind of laundry chute with a dead body, I didn't know existed
J: Is that a door?
W: Yeah, I can't open it though. Can you open it?
M: The hell are you guys talking about?
B: Oh my God, you can go over there?
M: Wait. I'm curious. I'm curious. I'm curious
B: Holy shit. Hey what's up
M: What?!
M: Let's just go explore guys this is important.
B: Mark, you're like a grilled cheese.
M: I am bread lol
M: Oh, there is a dead body here
J: Yeah, so you can't open the store because there's nothing behind it
W: All right, well that was a good time. Oh, my bad Mark. You need to go around me, yeah?
M: Yeah, if you could just let me, uh, let me slide on by
W: Go ahead
B: We should just hang out with our friends, and- oh did you let him by?
W: Yeah, they left
M: Count to ten, count to ten
M: Wait, there we go. Perfect.
M: No one will ever find me
M: No one will ever know
B: I'm never going to get tired of this dick. I'm just gonna bing the dick back out
B: Dick, come back
M: I've got rotation lock enabled.
M: There's no way he can find me it just won't work.
W: Bob do you think there is any chance you can find Mark?
B: Um...is he this dick?
W: I don't know what you're trying to say about our friendship
J: You can't see beyond the dick in your face
B: Let's see if we can- oh fuck, oh jeez
W: Let's see if we can use detector to find Mark
B: That's a good idea
B: *Slurpy noises*
W: Oh no
J: Ewww
*slurping intensifies*
B: I think I found Mark
B: I think I found Mark I just blew my load all over this piece of bread. That must be Mark.
B: Hey buddy
M: Aw shit you got me
*Mark's lame-ass outro music*