Renee: Nobody wants to date a time-waster. But how can you be sure that when you are
starting to fall for a girl, that she isn't just putting on an act and then
when you actually commit to her, she changes into somebody completely different?
I'm Renee Slansky for The Attractive Man team and in this video, I'm going to reveal to you the way in which to
tell if a woman is being authentic and her true self or if she's just playing you and using you .
I'm a dating and relationship coach and it is my mission
to help men like yourself become the most desirable, confident and dateable
man that you can possibly be. Now, one of the reasons that I decided to do this
video is because I actually went out there and I asked over 1,200 men what
was some of the main sort of concerns that you guys had when it came to dating
women. And the number one thing that actually came up was that you feel that
you're not sure if the woman that you're dating is really being true to her or if
she's going to change into someone later on down the track. So, here's my tips to
help you understand if she's the real deal or an imposter. Number one, take your
time to get to know her default behavior. There are two types of simple behaviors
with women when it comes to relating to men and the first one is when they want
something from you and the second one is when they don't want something from you.
When you go on a first date with somebody, you're usually on your best
behavior. You're going to put your best foot forward. You're going to put in that
extra effort. It's normal because you are trying to impress them. Women do the
exact same. The only difference is, is they're tending to do something because
they want something from you. So they will often come across as really flirty,
confident, funny, sexy, and kind of as attractive as they can possibly be
because they're actually hoping to get something from you. Now, I'm not saying
that all women are users or we're only out there to try and take from you. What
I'm saying is, is you're going to come across two types of women. You're going
to come across women who are only dating so that they can get what it is that
they want. Whether it's marriage, children, security, or certain lifestyle, and those
are the sort of women we kind of want to steer clear of.
Or you're going to have number two, which is a woman who is understanding
that, yes she wants something from you so she's putting in the effort but what she
wants from you is a healthy relationship. She wants to add value to you, she wants
to actually come to the party as a team player in a relationship. The trick is to
make sure that you actually spend enough time with her in order to be able to
know what her actual fallback character is. And what I mean by that, is you have
to know that after the initial phases of getting to know her, where everyone's in
their best behavior, what does she like after that? Is she
somebody that when she has what it is that she wants, she reverts into this
other person that makes absolutely no effort whatsoever and is high
maintenance? Or is she someone who is continuingly able to still consistently
put in effort because she understands that in order for a relationship to go
somewhere and be healthy and fulfill you as a man, she has to always be putting
her best foot forward? If you think you know somebody after the first couple of
dates, you're wrong. In fact, it usually takes a good three to six months to
really get an idea about someone's character. And that's the only way you're
going to get to know what her true default behavior is. It's over time. Don't
feel that just because you're the man that you have to rush into a
relationship and offer her this security that she wants. You have every right to
set the pace and take your time to make sure that this is a woman that is
actually worth investing into. Now, if she's the sort of girl who's actually
pressuring you to speed things up because all she talks about is being in
a committed relationship or having babies or wanting to get married, then
that should be a little bit of an indication of what she only wants. You
want to make sure that the sort of woman that you're actually starting to date,
and invest into, and become physically, and emotionally attached to is a woman,
who not only has desires that need to be met, but also she understands what your
desires are that need to be fulfilled as well. And guys, if it seems too good to be
true, then it probably is. Number two, see her in different scenarios. The best way
to really get to know somebody's character so that you don't get
surprises down the track or will find that she changes into another person when you
get married to her and you become completely disappointed and unfulfilled.
He's really look at what they are consistent in. Whatever somebody is
consistent in is a revelation to their intentions and
also their character. Have a look of how she acts in different environments. This
is why dating and the dating phase is really important because it gives you an
opportunity to really get to know somebody outside of who they are trying
to be or trying to impress you with. Don't just go on dinner dates. Put her in
different situations, such as going to a baseball game, because maybe that is
something that you really like. Now she's openly said that she hates
baseball, how does she respond when she is at a baseball game with you or a
football game? Is she pretending to really enjoy it or is she being honest
about it? I think the trick here is to make sure that she's not changing
her personality to suit the scenario every single time. A girl that is into
using you or only wanting one thing from you and is only obsessed about what it
is that she can get in a relationship, will be always trying to please you. And
that's why it's good to see her in these different circumstances because not only
are you able to kind of throw her off guard but you also get to really know
exactly what she is about and if she's been authentic in that moment as well.
A woman who is actually going to be real with you will actually be honest about
whether or not she likes a place where you take her on the date or whether or
not she's into whatever it is that you're into. She won't be trying to mold
herself to fit or suit you or on the other hand, she won't be so much
high-maintenance that you feel that you can never actually perform enough in
order to be able to keep her which leads me to my next point — test her. Now, this is
something that I think both males and females should do when they're dating
somebody. This isn't about playing games. The last thing that I want you guys to
say that "Renee, gave you permission to play games," I never said that. This is
about really, again, getting to know who she is and actually seeing if she is the
right person for you. And the way that you do that is you test her along the
way. An example of being able to test her is asking her a contradicting question.
For example, you could say "ah, I really love football, don't you think it's
really cool?" and she might say "yeah, I really love football as well" and then
the next week, you might say "Oh, football just really sucks" and if she then goes
"oh, yeah I don't like football either." Well, it's a pretty much an indication
that she's only changing her opinion and saying what it is that she thinks
that you want her to say in order to be able to please you, to try to impress you,
to then get what it is that she wants from you. I'm going to make a little bit
of a side note here as well guys because I really want you to know this, so stick
with me. Women sometimes say things and do things because they've lost their
identity and it might come across that she's only saying these things to please
you because she's trying to use you but could also be an indication that she's
saying these things, yes, to please you but also because she's afraid to not be
her own person or she's trying to search for some validation in you. Either way,
that type of female isn't really the sort of person that you want to align
with because chances are we're either going to change as soon as you start
committing to them because they've got what it is that they want or they're
going to be constantly insecure about their own personality and their own
identity and they're never really going to feel fulfilled within themselves.
Therefore, it's going to fall back on you to try and fulfill her in the
relationship which isn't going to be fun for you. Another way to test her is by
simply asking her questions to see if she's actually listening to what it is
that you're saying or remembering things or to see if she's lying about certain
things as well. If a woman has a hidden agenda because she's either insecure or
she's only after one thing, then chances are you'll be able to catch her out by
actually asking her questions and then calling her out when you know what she's
actually saying is a lie. Now, guys if a woman doesn't agree with you, this is
actually a good thing. It means that she's not afraid to really be able to
own who she is and her own opinion. Plus, it also gives you a little bit of a
challenge which you guys like, right? Number three, does she have her own
purpose? Guys, if you want to actually date and fall in love with a woman who
isn't going to change, who isn't going to let herself go, who isn't going to use
you, who isn't going to be fake, then you need to find a woman who has her own
identity and purpose outside of you. This is one of the major things that I
actually coach all of my girls on. So rest assured there are hundreds out
there who are making sure that they are doing this. A woman who has her own
purpose will not always be so available to you, she won't be able to do her own
thing outside of what you're doing and this is actually going to give you a
little bit more of a space to be able to have some perspective about who she is
and what her agenda is in the relationship. A woman who has no purpose
is a woman who is always going to change her life to be able to suit you and your
plans. And this might even be kind of another way that you can test her like
from the other point, you might ask her, do you want to do this when she's
already told you that she's already got something planned and if she actually
says "oh, yeah, no I've got nothing on" or "cancel that" and chances are she's
putting her life on hold just so that she can try and please you or have you
or get something out of you. Whereas, a woman who actually knows her work, has
her own life, has her own purpose is a woman who's actually going to say no to
you occasionally. She's going to be a woman who is busy with her girlfriends,
she's going to be a woman who is busy with life in general. It also means that
when you do actually commit to this woman that she will probably have more
consistency with her personality, don't forget that in relationships we're
always changing and growing. We're evolving so people will change and that
means our relationships will change but you want to make sure that you're
actually dating and aligning and falling in love with a girl who knows who she is
before the relationship knows who she is in the relationship and will continue to
know who she is as your relationship progresses as well. And a woman who is
able to do that is a woman who knows her purpose and her worth. Number four, who
are her friends? You can tell a lot about somebody and their motives and their
mindset by who they actually hang out. This is why, again, it's important to be
able to see her in different scenarios. Does she change when she's around her
friends? Who are the people that she actually connects with? Are they girls
who are also fake? Are they girls who are gold diggers? Are they girls who are
obsessed with getting married and having babies and don't actually understand
that a relationship is more than that? And you'll know that because that's what
they talk about and that's all they're always focusing on like man hunting,
right? Or what she like when she hangs around your friends, does she try and be
one of the boys and trying to like you know, fit them or flirt with them or
she's someone that just remains consistent and understands that who she
is is enough. People become a product of their environment and who they
hangout, so if you can get to know her friends or at least meet them a couple
of times, it's going to give you a better idea of what sort of person she is, where
she's heading and also if this is going to be her default behavior or if it's
something that she's actually going to change later on down the track,
and lastly, listen to what she says. This is a huge indication of whether or not
she's going to be someone who only wants to use you and abuse you or someone
that's going to change into a nagging housewife when you actually get married
to her. Guys, it will be obvious in the way that her conversation heads if she
only ever talks about you guys been together and a couple always trying to
please you or only talks about marriage and baby and relationships when she
barely even knows you, then basically she's got one thing in her mind and
that's what she wants to do. She wants to achieve that, she wants to have that. And
I know that, really, women that head more into their 30s are going to be more
focused on that because our biological clock kind of ticks in. But women can
also do it in their 20s and 40s at any age because they're seeking to have that
companionship or they're seeking to have that validation and love from a man. Now,
it's completely normal to want a man and it's completely normal for you guys to
feel attracted to a woman who makes you feel validated and good about yourself
but you want to make sure that her agenda isn't just about her and what she
wants that she understands you have your purpose as well, that you have your
mission that a relationship actually takes time and that she's not in a rush.
If she is the woman who is authentic and actually wants to bring value to our
relationship, then she won't be constantly focused on the relationship
aspect. She will actually be talking about her social life, her work, her own
goals, her own hobbies and she'll be actually interested in what you're doing
as an individual as well. Guys I'll be totally honest with you, it can be really
tough because sometimes you can think that you know a person and all of a
sudden they change so if you really need some direction and clarity on how to get
to know us women, how we tick what we do so that you can actually recognize the
signs earlier on and save yourself all that heartache and disappointment later on
around when she's you know changed, then attend
one of our boot camps. A link for that is in the link in the bio. In the meantime,
make sure you download our free conversation cheat sheet and the reason
why I want you to download this is it's going to really help build your
confidence to know what to say and when to say, to direct the conversation in the
way that you actually want to go while still being flirty and fun and coming
across as a confident man so that you can feel that you are in control of
what's happening with this day, that you're not being led astray, that you can
ask specific sort of questions to make sure that you're not going to be used or
abused. All you need to do to access that is simply click in the image on the
right hand corner of the screen. Alright guys, that's it for me. Don't forget there
are so many beautiful authentic women out there waiting to meet men like you.
It is literally just a matter of time and opportunity so if you want to know
any more about what we do make sure you check out all the links in our bio.
Until next time! Subscribe, hit the like button, tell me how you feel about this
video cuz I love to hear from you and that's it for me.
I'll see you next time, bye for now!