Piedmon: Hello everyone! Thank you for making the meeting.
Let's first give a warm welcome to our newest member: Devimon.
Devimon: Nice to be here guys!
I'm just glad I realized that having money was more important than having an opinion.
Machinedramon: Amen.
Puppetmon: I like him! Put him on a shirt!
Machinedramon: So? Let's hear that fresh pitch kid!
Devimon: Well I was thinking: you take metal Etemon, yeah?
Then you make him regular Etemon again and make him, like a music producer.
Then just ph pha phase him out.
But not really.
Machinedramon: I have opinions on that.
Puppetmon: Agreed! His time has passed! Long live the new guard!
Piedmon: Now, for the meat of the meeting: we have recently filed for the trademark of all things DigiDestined.
Puppetmon: Pure evil!
Devimon: Ah, yes.
Machinedramon: Very good evil, good evil.
Piedmon: Now, this won't disallow anyone who wants to become a DigiDestined:
they'll merely have to purchase our DigiDestined package. And we shall call it–
Izzy: The Digital World? Oh those cu–
[music] ♪ It's been one week since you looked at me Cocked your head to the side and said "I'm angry." ♪
♪ Five days since you laughed at me saying, "Get back together come back and see me." ♪
Tai: Ah, oh, ah, aww yeah. That's right.
Burn that cutie mark you dirty little ho–
Izzy: Tai!
[Tai screams]
[Tai and Izzy scream]
Tai: So... I'm not ashamed.
Izzy: Clearly.
Listen, have you heard of the Digital World?
Tai: That place where we lived?
For like a year?
Izzy: No no–the Digital World!
Tai: Thanks for specifying; door's that way if you don't mind–
I've got some business to finish.
Izzy: [sighs] I put my webcomic on hold for this–!
Listen Tai, the dark masters have enacted their most heinous plan of villainy yet!
Tai: Didn't we kill them?
Izzy: Yes but no.
They're trying to trademark... the concept of being DigiDestined!
Tai: Hey yo that's our thing!
Izzy: Well I'm sure there was some similar concepts before us–
Tai: No. We started it.
Izzy: Well either way... they've released a new Digimon that's sole purpose is to seek out and destroy
anyone doing any DigiDestined stuff, or even anything remotely like it!
Tai: Reboot?
Izzy: The user won.
Tai: Dot Hack?
Izzy: Boring and dead.
Tai: Sword Art Online?
Izzy: Oh, we can only hope!
Tai: What about Tome, yo?
What about Tome?
Izzy: What's that?
Tai: [whispering] Oh it's okay baby, you're safe.
I'm sorry man, but I can't do it!
I'm out of the game!
I'm no longer a DigiDestined.
I'm into... [inhales] something fresh.
Izzy: Yes, I noticed.
Could you put that away please?
Tai: Hey, I don't come over to your house and tell you where to put your dick.
Izzy: Yes you have.
Look, Tai, I understand, but this is the last time.
One last ride.
We've gotta get the band back together!
Tai: Did you say... band? [music plays]
Izzy: Stop that!
Tai: Ah fine.
Sora's mom: Woman's voice woman's voice!
Tai: Is Sora there?
Sora's mom: Oh. Woman's voice! Woman's voice woman's voice!
Sora: Girl voice girl voi–!
Tai: Nope got old. Trying Joe.
Izzy: Oh good luck. Last time I heard he was stuck in Amsterdam!
Tai: Wait, stuck?
Joe: I didn't know United even had a rail system!
PA: Your train has been delayed for: four hundred and thirty-three hours.
Joe: [sighs] Better call Zudomon.
Izzy: Try Mimi.
Tai: Um, she's in America, man.
Izzy: What? Why?
Mimi: Hey Tai! I just wanted to tell you I've moved to LA to become a voice actress!
Don't worry, I'm friends with Kyle Hebert, so I've got an in!
X's and O's!
And I'll see you at the next convention–just look for me signing autographs!
Love, Mimi.
Tai: I wonder what Starbucks she's working at.
Izzy: There's always Kari.
Tai: Ah... um...
I could try, but, well, some shit went down and–
Izzy: Tai call your sister!
Tai: Okay!
Kari: Tai, I know this number, you know you're not supposed to contact me or come within a hundred feet.
Tai: Yeah, that's been really hard with us living together.
Kari: That's why we built the expansion. What do you want?
Tai: Listen, everything we worked for is in peril, dawg.
We gotta take up the guard again and save the world!
Kari: [sigh] Alright. Listen, if you finally just apologize for everything you did–
Tai: There is no reasonable way she will help us.
Izzy: Bollocks!
Tai: Yo, I've got just the guy.
♪ Can you feel the love tonight ♪
Leomon: Hiiiiiiiii...
Tai: Hey Leomon, we've got a job.
Leomon: Oh wow!
Well, I'd love to help, but I'm a little busy.
Tai: Yo you watching Lion King again?
Leomon: Naw I'm past that, I'm into... [inhales] something fresh.
Tai: Well, how long you gonna be?
Leomon: Long enough!
Tai: Godspeed buddy.
Izzy: Well there's one option left then.
Tai: No there ain't.
Izzy: Tai, call him.
Tai: I'll call your mom.
Izzy: Go ahead, she misses you.
Tai: Ah man, I really like your mom.
I'm not even gonna make that about me. She's just a sweetheart.
Izzy: Tai, call Matt!
Tai: Fine, but I don't gotta like it.
Oh, he didn't pick up.
Izzy: Try dialing!
Tai: Ugh!
Matt: Hello?
Tai: Yo.
Matt: Oh you fuck off!
Tai: No you fuck off!
Matt: You fuck farther off!
Tai: You fuck the farthest off!
How's your grandma?
Matt: She misses you!
Tai: Yeah, 'cause she's awesome!
Now listen, we gotta do DigiDestined stuff.
Matt: Well chutes and ladders, your fucking problem mate!
I've got a baby (brother) to look after!
Tai: But this is bigger than us and your baby (brother).
If we don't act now, DigiDestined as we know it is doomed!
And that shit ain't tight yo.
Matt: Oh, did you just say "bigger than you"?
Because last time I checked–
Tai: Look, I know.
What happened to Gabumon wasn't right yo,
but when he slipped off that fur coat, my heart just skipped a beat–!
Matt: Oh my God please stop talking.
Tai: And those big red eyes giving me that look–
Matt: If you stop talking I'll help.
Tai: Good. Matt: Right.
Tai: Perfect! Matt: Immaculate!
Tai: I love you!
Izzy: Tai, put your cock away.
Tai: When I'm finished!
♪♪
Machinedramon: So, it's quite possible we might have overstepped our boundaries.
Puppetmon: Well, maybe we were a little vague on our message, but–
Machinedramon: No, I mean we launched nukes.
Devimon: Wait, what?
Piedmon: We felt like the claims weren't getting the message across!
The message being, if you use the word DigiDestined, Digital World,
or any concept similar or even remotely similar,
we will bomb the shit out of you.
Devimon: Okay, but how does this make money for us?
Puppetmon: Put it on a shirt!
Tai: Yo, I can't believe you guys.
You had them outnumbered!
Four to... one... ish.
Matt: You left to go to the bathroom in the middle of the fight!
They multiplied and–
Tai: I had to finish!
It was distracting.
Izzy: It really was.
Matt: Tai, our Digimon are going to die!
Tai: And? Who cares?
They come back anyway.
They're just fucking ones and zeroes; they ain't got feelings.
Wormmon: I love you Tai– Tai: Shut up!
Izzy: I don't mean to distract you, but um, there's a nuke coming towards us.
Tai: You mean Japan?
Izzy: Yes, but like, here?
Tai: So like, Tokyo?
Izzy: No, this apartment!
So if you don't kill Diaboromon–
Tai: Oh that's a sweet-ass name.
Izzy: We're going to die.
Tai: Wait, how do you even know that?
Izzy: Well, don't be mad, but I might have been offered a job by the dark masters,
and they might have put me into a chat.
So yeah. Stakes: a smidge higher!
Tai: Well I'm untouchable... if I live on the Internet!
Izzy: Tai. You can't just escape into the Internet to run away from your problem–
Oh you meant literally.
Tai: I will live here, among the porn I deserve.
And I will become the Internet!
Matt: Tai! You're here too?
Tai: Ah fuck.
Matt: Did your love for your Digimon bring you here as well?
Tai: [snickers] What?
Matt: But... ♪ if we take our time, ♪
♪ and we stick together, ♪
Tai: ♪ Everything we do will go our way! ♪
Matt: ♪ And if we try, ♪
♪ now and forever, ♪
Tai: ♪ no matter what comes next we'll be okay! ♪
[song] ♪ Let's kick it up! And show them all the things that we can do! ♪
♪ Let's kick it up! Another notch tomorrow... ♪
Matt: It's the last one, but we can't hit the bastard!
Izzy: We need to slow him down, something that will completely distract him from his purpose.
Izzy: Wait.
Attention Internet!
Diaboromon knows WenBroly!
Tai: Alright Matt, let's put it in together!
Matt: Take this Toei!
I mean Fine Brothers!
I mean fucking fuck!
Tai: How's that for a counter-claim, bitch?
[dark masters screaming]
[faint explosion]
Tai: So they were on the moon. Go figure.
Izzy: Just think Tai: because of our actions, we saved the world, and the bright future of all DigiDestined.
Davis: Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da Da-da-da-da-da-da-da Davis! Davis!
Cody: Wow Davis, you're so funny!
Almost as funny as animals having sex!
Because sex with animals is hilarious!
Especially with me!
Davis: I'm proud to not watch football.
Kari: Just so you all know, I'm a lesbian.
Yolei: Oh shit, me too!
Davis: I don't get Star Wars.
Kari: So uh, if we could maybe focus up a little, we should probably stop the Digimon Emperor.
Davis, Cody, and Yolei: Digi-who?
Davis: That is not Harry Potter!
Digimon Emperor: I am the Digimon Emperor–!
Antfish: Oh fucking ugh! Just hook it! Alright one more time, one more time, I wasn't prepared for that time.
Takahata101: Your line is: "I am the Digimon Emperor."
Antfish: Alright, got it.
Digimon Emperor: I am the Digimon Emperor–!
Antfish: Why–what the fuck is up with those–ugh! Just–ah! I don't like it.
Oop sorry, my phone's going off, one more time.
Takahata101: Your line is: "I am the Digimon Emperor."
Antfish: "I am the Digimon Emperor," alright let's do it!
What's the line again? I'm sorry I forgot.
Tai: A bright, bright future.
Izzy: So did we stop that nuke then?
Tai: No, no we did not.
[explosion]
Digimon!
Kaiserneko and Grant: [grunting]
Takahata101: Lani!
Kaiserneko and Grant: [grunting]
Kaiserneko and Grant: [muffled scream]