- Especially when like older male virgins get ridiculed
like what, why aren't you like, you know, having girlfriend
or why aren't you getting married soon or, oh, oh
you're an incel then, right?
(cool music)
- [Announcer] Oral sex counts as losing your virginity.
3, 2, 1 go.
- I mean, I believe that we call it oral sex for a reason
because you get the same benefits
from somebody's mouth as you would from vaginal intercourse.
So it is sex.
- I think I agree with that.
Cause it's like growing up that's that's what sex is.
It's right.
It's the full, like the whole thing.
But that makes sense.
Cause you're getting to the same end goal.
So I'm gonna go here.
- Well hearing you all say that it makes me rethink kind
of I've just always assumed it's just penetration.
- Yeah. That's what's true thought too.
- Yeah. I mean, for me like losing my virginity means
like receiving it through my back end,
if you don't know what I'm saying,
but that's just like my own personal definition
of like what virginity to me is.
- [Announcer] I am afraid of having sex.
3, 2, 1, go
- That (beep) scary.
- You said I'm afraid, right?
- Yeah. - Okay.
All right.
I'm definitely not afraid.
(laughing)
I'm actually kind of wait, wait,
you guys are afraid of sex?
I know my path.
I, I, I will get married.
I will have sex with my wife and it's going to be great.
I have no fear about that whatsoever.
- I feel like exposing you're yourself
at your rawest form to another human being--
- Who I love
- Who you love. Yeah. Okay.
That's that's true.
- Who loves me, yeah.
- But you're not like at all, like even nervous?
- No, not at all.
- I mean, I mean I'm talking right now, so I don't
know how I'll be in the room, but like if it's a person who
I love and we've dated and we know each other
and we know how we work, communication is key.
No, I would be very comfortable
- Just in general,
I just feel like I'm going to be extremely awkward.
So yeah, I'm a little scared, but.
- I'm not really scared of losing it
to the wrong person because no matter, what I intend
for it to be just this monogamous one time thing.
But I am scared of that person
perhaps not being the one that I'm supposed to be
with forever for the rest of my life.
- I, I think like a lot of the pressure does come
from like porn because it paints a picture
in your mind that like
like 90% of the time can't be fulfilled or satisfied.
So if I'm gonna be having sex, right.
She expects like an iPhone pro 12 max.
And all I have is a 12 mini, you know, like that's
that's what some guys think.
Right. And like, and you feel
like you can't live up to those standards
because for the most part, you probably can't.
That (beep) fake.
- I heard you whisper "I don't care."
And I felt the same way.
Like I just, I think that the right person wouldn't care.
- Maybe we just have too much time
to think about these things
and we put too much pressure on ourselves
for whatever reason to look a certain way
or act a certain way.
And you're gonna figure that out when the time is right.
So why worry, why spend your time worrying
about that right now?
So maybe I'm a little bit less scared.
- [Emmanuel] Hey!
- Yeah. Yay.
- [Announcer] I'm saving myself for marriage.
3, 2, 1 go.
- Saving myself for marriage was something
I was taught growing up.
It was something very indoctrinated to my mind.
So, you know, at a young age I made that decision.
I don't wanna give that part of me to somebody else.
That's not gonna take that journey with me.
- I think the energy exchange between me
and my future wife will just be so powerful
that when we do get married,
I'm just waiting for that moment.
And I know that in the future years after that moment
it'll just be great sex after great sex, after great sex
just because I've waited for that moment.
And it's something special to me.
- So I haven't been in a relationship
and I'm not sure how I would act in a relationship.
So that's why I'm on the just agree line
because I would love to save myself for marriage.
That's what I am aiming for at this point.
But I also haven't dated anybody
or been in any relationship.
So I don't know how I'm gonna act.
I don't know if that's gonna be my first love
or what type of pressure's going to be on me.
So that's why I'm not on strongly agree
because I'm still a human and I don't know.
- Have many men like asked you
out on dates or like tried to date you?
- Yes, but I usually run away because I'm scared.
- And like what causes you to run away?
Like what's like?
- I think my mentality when I was young of just being afraid
of men in general, just because getting pregnant where I'm
from, wasn't abnormal at a young age.
So I just never wanted that to happen to me.
- Just like her, I have like zero relationship experience
except no one asked me to go out with them.
Another compelling thing for me
on saving my virginity for marriage is that, you know
I had an unfortunate occasion
on being sexually mishandled by a girl when I was young.
I didn't know back then it was considered, you know
not good until later on.
And it made me very protective, maybe very selective.
- I used to have that mentality
of wanting to meet, wait till marriage.
That was something when I was younger, I just
for some reason, that's what I wanted to do.
I didn't grow up in a religious home where
that was something that was expected at all.
It was just a decision I wanted to make.
But I think for me
it started to evolve into when I feel comfortable,
when I feel it's someone that I wanna have that experience
with, but I don't, I didn't want it to
be this like check box that I needed to have filled
before I decided to make that decision.
- [Announcer] I enjoy watching porn.
3, 2, 1 go.
- Okay. So porn does release a lot of dopamine
so we technically all do enjoy it.
But it's the after the fact you realize like how,
how horrible that was.
You're watching two people have sex
through a phone screen in the bathroom.
It's, it's kind of disgusting.
I'm on like over a thousand days NoFap.
I haven't watched porn in over a thousand days.
So I was exposed to it at like 10 years old.
It's not natural.
It's not healthy at all.
- I try not to watch it
but when I do watch it, I do enjoy it.
So I have to be honest here,
but I really have been trying to do more NoFap, you know
but I'm just not to a thousand days or anything like that.
- I mean, I believe watching porn is
like a private experience.
I mean, y'all, don't like go out and say, "Hey, guys, Hey
y'all I watch porn and stuff."
I mean, I see watching porn as like an outlet
of like my sexual frustration.
Like it helps me like maintain my virginity.
- Because I haven't had sex myself and experienced that,
It's been almost a tool for me to kind of learn
and understand how sex works, cause I didn't ever
have a sex ed class or health or anything like that.
There are different types of porn, right?
Some are like more romantic and natural, I feel like.
And some are a little bit crazy.
There's beauty to some that is natural
in how it actually would be.
I don't think it's all bad.
- So do you believe that what you see in the porn
or videos is actually how people have sex in real life?
- No, not in, not in most.
- [Announcer] I think about having sex a lot.
3, 2, 1 go
- For a while, I kind of lowkey thought something was wrong
with me because I never thought about it at all.
It's not something that ever popped up.
I always knew I was a little different
because I just never thought
about it or wanted to think about it.
- I feel the same way actually.
I thought something was wrong too.
And then one of my friends was like
well maybe you're asexual.
- Yes. I thought, and I Googled it
and I was like, is this me?
- Yeah. And I kind of took offense to it.
It made me feel like something's wrong with me, you know?
- I do think about it a lot, but I thought about it
a lot more when I wasn't abstaining from like porn
and masturbation.
I, instead of just thinking about it and just either
you know, going to waste it out
by just masturbating obviously, or going to find a partner
to do it with instead I just sit down crisscross.
I literally just meditate.
And then I focus on channeling that sexual desire
that we're all born with,
And I channel it into something that actually
would benefit me, like making YouTube videos, working out.
- For me, I constantly think more about finding
the right partner for me, finding the right guy
in my relationship.
I went through like really bad fallouts
with, like, other people.
I just don't want to feel like I'm just nothing.
I just want to feel
like I'm someone to someone's life outside my family.
- [Announcer] Our culture focuses
on women's virginity more than men's.
3, 2, 1, go.
- I have no idea.
- [Announcer] You need me to read it again?
- No, no. I just, I just, I don't know.
- I feel like men are more praised when they're a virgin.
I feel like people put more attention
on them whenever they are a virgin.
It's a bigger deal.
- I know, growing up, we
the people who I was taught by put a lot
of pressure to keep yourself pure or to, you know
cover yourself as a woman for the sake of men.
Either we are seen as more promiscuous
if we do it or we're seen as more prude if we don't.
- Yeah
- I would, I would counter that by saying
for a guy you're seen as like, "what's wrong with you?"
Like if you're still a virgin.
Whereas if you aren't a virgin, it's like, okay, finally
you're you're you're you're on our team now.
You're normal now.
Okay. So we, we almost kind of get, like, shamed
Like who's that guy, you know?
- Yeah. We'll take a step for you, bro.
I'll take a step.
It's true.
- So women get shamed for sleeping around,
but men get shamed for not?
- Exactly. - That's messed up
- You know, especially when
like older male virgins get ridiculed, like what
why aren't you like, you know
having girlfriend or something?
Why aren't you getting married soon or oh
oh you're or you're an incel then, right?
It's just a different dynamic.
When it comes to, you know, being ridiculed
as a female virgin compared to like a male virgin.
- [Announcer] Being a virgin is tied to my religion.
3, 2, 1 go.
- It is my decision, but it is very much tied
to my Catholicism and what we're taught about the sacred,
just the holiness of the body and the soul
and the value that your virginity is.
Not even just, you know, from a strictly biological sense
but the fact that you're willing to wait and you're
willing to put off something that the world
is trying to push on you.
- Isn't being a Virgin tied to every religion?
Technically they all say like, no premarital sex.
- Well If you're not religious though,
then maybe individually, it's not tied to your beliefs.
- Yes. I'm not, I'm not religious.
I don't go to church as much as I should,
but it it's my decision.
It's not a religion for me.
- The way I see it, is is God put us here for reasons.
And most people don't follow those reasons,
but the few who do they're rewarded for
for following the path.
So I almost kind of see it as almost kinda
like a superpower that, that God is like, "Hey man
you're on my side."
You're doing my work."
You're walking my path, good work."
Like--
- I mean it's true, that is.
- It's gonna be--what?
- I mean, like sex does create new life, right?
So if, if you're abstaining from, from that
you're not just giving it to just about anybody.
That is a superpower because it's,
it's staying within your own self.
And if you can learn how to control it
and channel that sexual energy through different
by other means, you can put more work
into your school, into your job, passion, hobby, instead
of just having it stay as sex, sexual energy.
- Right. And well, and, and you know
just relying on that answer as it's my religion, you know,
staying faithful to what you believe, in anything,
not just sex is it can be very difficult
because we are human, you know?
- Yeah. So it's human nature.
- Yeah. Just cause we have the excuse
or reasoning of religion
doesn't make it any easier for us.
- Give a round of applause, that's wrap.
(clapping)
- We're walking together.
I'm still saying goodbye, but I'm walking
the same direction.
(jazzy music)