The rivalry between Iron Man and Captain America has reached a fever pitch with Civil War,
and in the movies and the comics, both are incredibly effective leaders. What's undeniable
though is that people follow them for different reasons because, Iron Man, quite frankly,
is much cooler than Captain America. In fact, Captain America can be kind of a dweeb.
In honor of Civil War, I want to take a look at the two actors behind these characters,
because whether Iron Man has bled into Robert Downey Jr. or vice versa, the fact is that
they have both mastered the art of witty banter and cool demeanor.
Chris Evans more mirrors Captain America and they both still make great leaders, but in
a very different way. So let's take a look at how some tiny habits make Robert Downey Jr.
and Tony Stark come across as very cool, while Chris Evans in Captain America come across
as something else entirely.
Let's begin with the most noticeable habit, how frequently Robert Downey Jr. and Tony
Stark both use sarcasm. So here's Robert Downey Jr. accepting the award for Best Actor at
the 2013 Choice Awards.
Clearly Robert is just kidding, but sarcasm is a habit that he has. Specifically, he takes
a lot of opportunities to jokingly elevate himself.
Tony Stark is very much the same way, joking that people miss him when he arrives in Iron Man 2.
And both Tony Stark and Robert are not shy about telling you the amazing things that
their lifestyle can afford, without playing up any false humility. Here's Tony Stark when
asked about if he actually slept with 12 Maxim cover girls.
You see there? He answers the question as if it's no big deal, even though everyone else in
the world wouldn't be able to tell that story without a big grin on their face. Robert does
something similar. Here is an example of all the cast members responding when asked if
they've been able to take any small mementos home from the set of the Avengers.
So the stage is set here. No on on the cast took anything. They were too nervous to do
that because Marvel and Disney are so locked down about everything that's on the set, then
Robert chimes in and says this, without even smiling.
Everybody else smiles because of how cool that is, but Robert purposely doesn't even act
very amused with it. He is unabashed when it comes to making jokes that elevate his
status and even in telling true stories that elevate his status. And he tells all of that
in ways that make it seem totally normal for him, which is, because he's Robert Downey Jr.
All of that creates an aura of cool. He is absolutely not bashful in the limelight. In
fact, he thrives on it, and even jokes that he deserves much more of it.
Chris Evans handles things very, very differently. He kind of like you might imagine the Captain
America would. He downplays his own role when the limelight comes to him and he thanks every one else.
Now this is the same award we just watched Robert win a minute ago, just two years later.
Interestingly, Chris doesn't make a joke about he deserve it. He just says "Thank you" sincerely.
That choice between joking and sincerity will come up in your life every single time you
receive any kind of compliment or praise.
Responding one way isn't better than the other, but the one that you tend towards will have
a huge impact in how you're perceived. Choose to be sincere more often, and people will
see you as gracious, genuine, and kind. Choose to crack a joke more often, and people will
see you as funny and composed. It is worth mentioning though that the type of joke that
you crack has a huge impact. There is a large difference between being self-deprecating,
as Chris Evans does at the end of this speech
And being self aggrandizing like we saw Robert do before
Again, there is a trade-off. Self-deprecating jokes won't upset anyone, but if you do them
too often, you risk coming off as very insecure.
Self aggrandizing jokes will typically come off as more cool, but some people are going
to think that you're just arrogant. One last wrinkle to add to this whole joking idea is
that there's a huge difference between smiling when you crack a joke and not smiling. You
see, sometimes the line between joking and seriousness is not obvious. In those cases,
we look at context clues to tell us whether or not the person is joking or kind of just
being a jerk.
Typically, the biggest clue is whether or not they laugh and smile. If they don't smile,
it can leave us kind of confused. For an example of that, check out this next clip where Robert
jokes about not inviting Jimmy Fallon to his party.
You see, here, Robert says it in a very deadpan manner and kind of lets it sit, and it is
true that he didn't invite Jimmy to the party, but the way he said it comes across as sarcastic,
so even though Robert does follow up in just a second here by saying that it would have
been nice to have you, the tension is never released, because Robert doesn't break and
smile and speak in a different tone. So watch how the rest of this interaction unfolds.
Watch this last part back and pay special attention to Jimmy's eyebrows, and then, how
he chuckles for seemingly no reason at all. What you'll see is that Jimmy is trying to
release some of the tension that's created by Robert's joke that he wasn't invited. Robert
never laughed for him, so Jimmy kind of gets this "Yeesh" look, and those are the eyebrows,
and then, that little chuckle, which is his way of saying, "Ha,ha, it was just a joke
even though I don't really feel like it."
Now I know that a lot of groups of friends will say stuff like, "You know, we're buddies.
It's all good between us. It's okay. We all know he's just joking." But the truth is,
sarcastic jokes with no release, that are at someone's expense do not make people feel
good, even if you're close. It makes them wonder if you like them, no matter how long
you've been friends. That feeling just sits, and because of this, you get the sense that Jimmy is the one
who is vying for Robert to like him for the rest of this interaction.
And that's one way that the cool guy effect is created. Contrast that with what you tend
to see from Chris Evans. When he makes jokes, not only does he do self-deprecation, but
he tends to make jokes that elevate other people. Watch here for an example how he jokes
that he wishes people would think he looked like Chris Hemsworth.
So the content of that joke is that he wishes people thought that he was Hemsworth; that
he wishes he could be more like Hemsworth, and we know that he's joking because it's
so over the top and he laughs, but this joke is basically the opposite of what you saw Robert
Downey do. There was no tension created here and you can see it in the way that Chris Hemsworth
responds. If anything, there was a little moment of pride, and that's what happens when
you elevate people in your joke. Watch again how he spreads the good vibe around.
Here he cracks a joke about how integral Robert was to making all of these Marvel movies and
how, even though that's the truth, he's going to be humble about it. So, at the same time,
he is talking of Robert Downey's importance and his humility. Even in this next clip,
when he's allude a joking opportunity to tease Chris Pratt, he goes the complete opposite
direction and puts himself down while elevating Chris Pratt.
The point here is that not only do you have an option of whether or not you're going to
joke or be sincere in your conversations. You also have the option of which direction
you'd take those jokes. Will you use it to elevate your own status and tease others or
will you be self-deprecating while elevating others. The first option is probably gonna
make you more cool and respected. The second makes you more likable. I see the same trade-off
in the way that people handle other people's jokes.
At this point, if I told you that one person laughs really, really loudly at other's jokes
and the other is more reserved, you probably know who is who. Clearly, there's a pattern
between Chris and Robert, so let's go ahead and watch as Chris tilts his head back and
laughs like crazy even when people make jokes about him. So watch now as Chris Hemsworth
disses Captain America for being a nuance character.
Even though Hemsworth is saying that he didn't really bring in any nuance to his character,
Evans takes it totally unpersonally. He falls over in his seat and insists that that joke
was perfect. This shows that he isn't actually insecure about these jokes, and it makes Hemsworth
feel great. We all want to be funny. So when someone bursts out laughing at our joke and
insists that it was perfect, we can't help but feel this swell of pride. I'm sure that
you had someone in your life giving you that experience and made you want to spend more
time with the person who was laughing at your jokes.
Robert Downey on the other hand tends to be more muted, purposely stifling sometimes his
own laughter. It isn't that he doesn't have a sense of humor, it's just he prefers to
play like he didn't find the joke funny so that he can respond with more banter, and
you can tell, because they tease him for being old in this next clip, and after a few seconds,
he finally breaks at the end and laughs.
So notice here, he very purposely is not laughing.
And then, he can't keep up. He was about to
say something quippy and funny in response, but he gets touched too many people teased
him, and he finally laughs. That is very common for him is that he will restrain his own laughter
and prepare to make another joke in response, rather than sharing that laughter with other
people and letting them know that their joke was really funny.
At this point, I've spent a lot of time talking about joking, because, really, that's one
of the biggest drivers of whether you are more perceived as cool and respected, or as
likable. But, there's one other piece that's very important, and that is where you put
your attention. Where you place your attention when you're speaking to someone has a huge
effect on whether or not they feel the need to prove themselves to you. So, in this next
clip, he's got glasses on, but you can still see how Robert's attention and eye contact
seemed to wander after he's answered the question, sometimes, in the middle of the question,
looking over his shoulder or at the camera, basically, anywhere other than right at the interviewer.
If you're speaking to him, this can create a bit of a feeling that you need to win his
attention back all the time. And it creates a moment of anxiety that maybe he's going
to walk away. What that does is make you want to be more interesting so that you can maintain
all of his attention. That's another point in the cool column as you work to win his
favor.
Chris Evans on the other hand tends to just look the person in the eye as he's speaking
to them, especially when they're asking him a question. That way, the person feels less
like they need to win him over. And you can see right here in this clip, this is a great
example of it. Now, the truth of all of this is that both Robert Downey Jr. and Chris Evans
don't do any of these things all the time. For instance, Robert Downey Jr. will sincerely
answer questions and talk people up.
And Chris Evans will take joking disses at his friends.
Now, obviously, we all exhibit some of these habits some of the time, but what it comes
down to is the balance that you find, and that is created due to your interaction habits.
We all have habits when it comes to human interaction. Robert's habits make the people
around him feel odd more often than not, but, also, potentially insecure as to their status.
That is really what cool is. It's when people think that you're amazing, but they are kind
of unsure if they stack up.
And then you see how Chris' habits may not come across as cool, but still make him
extremely likable. And that is the big difference between the two patterns that we saw today.
The cool pattern, as exemplified by Robert Downey Jr. in Iron Man is self-elevating jokes,
distracted attention, all that kind of stuff that is going to make people walk away from
you thinking, "I hope that guy likes me."
I would call the other habit that we saw in Chris Evans the giver pattern, and that is
jokes that talk people up, focused attention. That's going to make people walk away thinking,
"You know, what? I really like that guy." You can, of course, do both of these at different
times, and, of course, you can be likable and cool, but you do have to choose which
way you will lean more often than not. You have to choose which habits you're going to
go to more often.
I know that I titled this video "Why Iron Man is Cooler?" But in my opinion, you are
actually better off leaning towards being likable than cool. That leads to people around
you feeling better and, for me, that is worth it. So I recommend that you find the right
balance for you. If you want to create more intrigue, more respect, maybe you add a bit
of Downey's cockeyed banter. If you want to make other people feel good more often, maybe
you allow yourself to laugh like crazy at other people's jokes.
In short, you just pay attention to how your habits are making the people around you feel.
Those habits are going to be the blueprint for the impression that you make most of the
time. And if you're interested in the blueprint to making an amazing first impression, we've
actually set up a different video that covers those four emotions that guarantee a great
first impression every time. Hit those four emotions in the right order and you are set
in any kind of environment, from the boardroom, all the way to a bar or a party. So, if
you want those, go ahead and click the box. It's gonna take you to a page where you can
submit your email and get immediate access to to that video, so that you begin using
those emotions today.
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If you guys have any video suggestions, please, please, write those down in the Comments.
I know that a lot of you have asked for more Game of Thrones, and I have some good ideas
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Also, I know that a lot of you asked, how I know these sort of things and how I do these
breakdowns, and I plan on talking about that in a video sometime later this week. So thank
you, guys, for those comments. They really help a lot in terms of letting me know where
to go next.
I hope that you have enjoyed this video and I will see you in the next one.