- This video, I'm gonna show you
how being shy, being an introvert, being awkward,
how these can actually be your greatest superpower,
how you can embody it in a way that is super attractive
and how to really reframe this whole entire thing.
Because the truth is,
that which you own within your body
and that which you own within your energy is attractive,
and what a lot of times happen is people judge themselves.
People say, "Oh, I'm awkward,"
or, "I am shy," or, "I'm an introvert.
I'm not good with people."
They have all these beliefs
that stop them from unleashing their true selves.
Now, the funny thing is,
the only reason
awkwardness wouldn't be attractive to somebody else,
or the energy, in a way, would be way less attractive
is if you were self-conscious about the awkwardness
and you felt like there was something wrong,
you felt like the energy that was coming out of you
was like, "I shouldn't be this way."
But what's funny is I've seen this happen many times.
People own it.
They just simply own it.
They own that they are sometimes awkward.
They own that they are sometimes shy
or that they're a shy person,
and if they own it, it has a completely different energy.
It's like when you,
if you were to have like a mole on your face or something,
you're wondering, "Are people noticing the mole?
I hope people don't see it.
I hope people don't judge me for it."
And what happens is then, it's like when you're around,
you're thinking everyone's looking at your mole.
"Are they looking at my mole,
or are they looking at my eyes?
Where are they looking?"
And then you feel even more insignificant
or more judged for it,
when in actuality, people feel what you feel about you.
So when it comes to awkwardness,
shyness, introversion, or whatever,
if you softened up the resistance about it,
that energy would emanate off of you,
and other people would feel that.
There are many times I can look at my own life
and see that when I felt self-conscious
about certain things,
I'd feel small.
It would actually work against me.
But then what would happen is I would just say
"You know what? Screw it.
I'm going to own it."
And as I would own it,
I would have a different energy about myself.
So this is something to become aware of.
And also, here's the thing, too.
You could, even if somebody says this,
like I've seen it happen before
where people may feel awkward,
and say, "Sorry, sometimes I'm awkward."
They literally say that like,
"So sorry, sometimes I'm awkward."
And they say just with that kind of energy,
and someone's like,
"Oh, this person's comfortable with themselves."
Vulnerability is very attractive.
When you are the most vulnerable
and authentic version of yourself,
it has an effect.
Look at this, magnetic being.
Now, this is the triad.
I'll explain this in a minute.
But in general, these are some of the qualities
that are very attractive to people,
and one of the qualities
is being authentic and being vulnerable,
even being courageous.
Being courageous means showing the real you,
owning the real you.
When you own it, other people feel that,
and insecurity is something
that we try to hide out of shame.
Think about the energy of shame.
The energy of shame says there's something wrong with me.
I'm broken.
People won't accept me.
And the way that we deal with the energy of shame,
and I think most of us have some degree of shame,
is we try to hide it.
For a long time, I was the nice guy people pleaser.
That was my personality.
My dad was a nice guy people pleaser.
He attracted my ex-stepmom, who was a narcissist,
and I would see that dynamic play out from seven to 15,
my ex-stepmom was in my life.
My dad divorced her when I was 15.
I saw my dad go through a lot of pain after that,
because my ex stepmom did her best
to make my dad's life really challenging
with my sisters and stuff like that,
where that their real mom.
And the people pleaser nice guy thing,
it's a mechanism that people use to avoid tension.
So instead of going into it,
like I think one of the best things my dad could have done
with my ex-stepmom
was actually stand up to her,
and really in a powerful way,
hold his own ground, hold his own energy.
If he would have done that,
it would have been a completely different game probably
in how things like play out.
You know, everything's good now
because my sisters are grown up and everything.
Time goes by fast.
But in general, I can tell that I took on
that it wasn't safe for me
to express the real vulnerable me growing up,
because my ex-stepmom would come in
and she was narcissist, abusive physically and emotionally,
mentally manipulative.
So I'd have to tune myself to her
to know, is it safe, Is it safe, is it safe?
So then I got the nice guy people pleaser mentality
was active within me,
'cause I was always trying to find out, is it safe?
Am I gonna make someone mad?
Am I gonna disappoint someone?
Is someone gonna think I'm awkward?
And here's the thing, too.
I was very awkward for a very long time,
because from seven to 15 years old,
I wasn't allowed to go to school activities.
I had to earn going to school in general.
There'd be times I'd get in trouble
for not taking the trash out
or doing something not correctly,
and I'd get school taken away from me.
And I wasn't allowed to have friends
from seven to 15 years old.
Literally people at school would be like, "Let's hang out,"
and I'd be like, "Oh I can't."
I'd have to come up with some weird excuse
not to look weird,
and it would be weird
'cause they would feel that I was lying.
But I can't be like, "Well, I'm in this crazy thing
where my ex-stepmom says I'm not allowed to have friends."
I was embarrassed by it.
So what I would do is I would not have friends
from seven to 15 years old.
It was just my brother and I.
A lot of times we were locked outside doing yard work.
I'm not saying all this, by the way, to say pity me.
I'm just showing you kind of painting the picture,
because then 15, 16 came around,
my dad divorced my ex-stepmom.
My brother and I have all this freedom.
That's when I was allowed to go to parties.
I was allowed to start having fun and meeting other kids
and I was allowed to have friends,
and that's when I started developing
friendships with other people.
I was allowed to stay after school and hang out with people.
I didn't have to earn food.
I didn't have to earn going to school.
And guess what?
That meant at first I was very awkward.
I didn't know how to interact with people
and relate with people in certain ways.
Of course, at school I would interact a little bit,
but I was really sheltered.
Kind of had this box around me,
and it was like the more that I...
One of the things I did do, too,
is I had to eventually drop the label
and the identity of being awkward,
and the way that I did that is by being courageous
and just stepping into hanging out with people
and being around other people,
and as I did it, it got more and more natural.
But at first, I was like, I felt safe in my little box
of just hanging around with my brother and I,
and we did like theater for a while,
so maybe that helped a little bit.
I did forensics debate, too,
which helped me with talking with people.
But in general, I know what it's like to be awkward,
because I had to like literally learn at 15, 16 years old
how to interact with people,
and one of the things that I eventually learned
is how just to own who I am,
to own my own energy,
even to own my own awkwardness,
to own that, for a period of time,
I didn't have the luxury
of being around other kids and friends
and hanging out with them
and playing outside and stuff like that.
And by owning it, it completely changed my own energy.
But also from having the courageousness
to step into a new you
and having the courageousness to step into
interacting with other people,
you start to familiarize it more and more,
and you could also focus on being present.
This is something that eventually happened to me.
I went through breathwork,
and I know I've talked about breathwork a lot
since I've been going through the training,
but I got certified in breathwork recently,
and I that means that I was breathing in a certain pattern.
I was releasing a whole bunch of emotion
that was stored in my body,
a lot of which I didn't even understand or know was there.
And one of the results of this, though,
is that I started to become very present,
and I've been way more present with people
than I was before I did the breathwork,
because it was a four-day breathwork certification thing.
But I did breathwork like two or three times
in those four days,
and released a lot.
And I was at dinner a couple nights ago with my girlfriend,
and she was like,
"You've gotten so much better at talking with people,"
'cause normally, I think sometimes
I have a little bit of a wall up,
just because I'm so busy in my business and stuff like that,
when I go...
You know, sometimes small talk,
to me, can be a little bit annoying,
because small talk is kind of surface level.
It's like, "Ha, look at the weather."
"Ha, cool, yeah, see."
"You know? How is it?"
"Oh, yes."
Kinda like the small talk
that sometimes you'll have with waiters.
You know what I mean?
Or people that are in certain industries.
But I was just more present when I was talking,
and I was just more in my body, in a way.
And she's like,
"Wow, you've gotten so much better at talking with people."
And I thought it was kind of funny,
because I've always been good at talking with people,
but there was a level of acceptance,
there was a level of just presence
that you can also bring to the table,
and I think that when people feel awkward
or introverted or shy,
they think there's something wrong
and they think that they have to sometimes fill the space,
or they think they should be talking
when they don't feel like talking.
Silence is very powerful.
Space is very powerful in between the words,
in between the sentences.
And a lot of times,
that allows other people to be present with you.
My best friend, Victor, he's very introverted.
I'm very extroverted in many ways.
I've seen him kind of battle with this sometimes,
because we'll go to these retreats that we do in Costa Rica,
these plant medicine retreats,
and we're around like 30 or 40 people
that know who we are from YouTube videos,
and we're hanging out with them
as we're doing plant medicine and stuff
for those like four or five days,
and sometimes he's like, looks at me,
looks at his wife Patty, looks at Heather,
and we're all super social, and he feels like, "Oh, I'm not.
I need to force myself to be more social than I am.
I need to force myself to talk
and always have energy be around people,"
when in fact, he gets a lot of energy
when he'll hang out for a little bit,
and then he'll go and sit by himself
or just go lay down, take a nap.
And what he learned how to do, though,
is exactly what I've shared in this video.
He started owning it.
He started owning like,
"There's no problem if I walk away
and go relax for a little bit."
And actually, people really appreciate his energy
about sometimes he's very quiet, but guess what?
Means he's a really good listener.
People really enjoy being around him,
because he listens in a very powerful way,
and he's very present, he's very empathic,
and people enjoy that introverted, shy aspect of him.
It's actually his superpower.
But I can tell there was a huge energy shift
when he began to own it.
Before he owned it and he thought there was something wrong,
he tried to force himself to talk and he'd waste energy.
Tried to force himself to have energy when he didn't have it
and he'd waste even more energy.
Everything changed when he began to embody it,
when he began to own it.
And you can own anything.
I've seen people own,
like I've seen people that felt, you know,
because of their culture, where they're from,
they feel like they're insecure about it.
They think everyone else is judging them
because of their accent.
Own it.
The things that make you different,
the more, the degree to which you own it
is the degree to which it's gonna be attractive.
It's only because we believe
it's not something that is attractive,
we believe that it's something that we need to try to hide,
that people can feel that incongruent energy.
Don't have to hide it anymore.
But you can also have courage
and maybe even an ability
to reframe some of these definitions.
I reframed my own awkwardness.
I reframed many things that kept me in little box
of feeling a certain way.
And all your insecurities, if you own them
and understand that they can actually be something
that you feature,
like feature your perceived flaws,
you will have a completely different energy.
This comes as a result of your energy from the inside out.
And it's also about not tuning to the environment.
You don't need to check to see that,
okay, is this person seeing me more attractive?
It's tuning to the external and looking for that validation
when you could feel it within yourself.
The more comfortable you feel within yourself,
and the more energy you bring with inside of your body,
and the more that you just own who you are,
the more people feel that.
Because remember, people feel what you feel about you,
and the way you let go of resistance
is by becoming aware of it
and then making the choice to let it go.
Resistance is there because of an attachment,
some type of attachment to a belief,
to a way we should be,
and to become aware of the attachment,
you can then say, "Wait, if I let that go, I'm more free."
And then when you're more emotionally free,
you will have more magnetic energy, I promise you.
I'll talk about magnetic being, the magnetic being triad.
There's something called the MAP,
the Magnetic Activation Process.
It's a step-by-step 40 minute video
that shows you a step-by-step how to go through the MAP,
the Magnetic Activation Process.
Comes with a PDF that shows you how to apply it.
It's completely free.
If you wanna learn how to attract your dream life,
how to unleash non-attached magnetic energy,
go to aarondoughty.com/MAP, slash MAP.
Also, one of the most attractive qualities you can have
is confidence.
So I have five confident secrets
that will completely transform your life
and make you attractive AF.
Watch this video right here.
People feel what you feel about you.
The energy inside of our bodies are contagious,
and based on how we feel about ourselves,
that energy is being emanated out
and other people are responding to us based on that energy.
Now...