Cloud: I don't get why they call this the "My-thrill" Mines.
I'm not feeling the thrill.
Rude: It's pronounced "MYTH-RIL"
Tifa: *disgusted* Great. What the hell are the Turks doing here?
Rude: We'll be asking the questions!
???: Yeah!
For example, how do you take your coffee?
Rude: ELENA!
Elena: What? I'm supposed to get everyone coffee!
Rude: When you were an intern!
Now, you're a Turk!
Tifa: Oh, is this Reno's replacement?
He must still be in the hospital, coughing up his remaining testicle.
Elena: They operate tomorrow!
Rude: Elena, shut up!
Cloud: Wow, you're one mean dude!
Elena: Mean? He's 100%...
RUDE!!!
Rude: Please stop trying to make that a thing...
Tseng: I disagree.
That catchphrase is hilarious.
Allow me to express my appreciation for such a display of wit
through the act of laughter:
MAH!
MAAAAGHH
Laughter has ceased.
Aerith: Hi Mister "Teh-sang"!
Tseng: It is pronounced "Teh-sung"...
Or is it?
By the way, the 'T' is silen(t).
Cloud: Aerith, don't be nice to him! He kidnapped you, remember?
Aerith: Well, I don't want to be rude.
Tifa: Better than being Reno right now!
Doctor: Alright, so your testicle started here...
then it went here, here, looped around here...
...aaaaand ended up here.
Reno: Uhh, what about the other one?
Doctor: Oh, it's dead.
Tseng: Come my Turks, let us continue our mission.
Elena: Yes sir!
How do you think Sephiroth takes this coffee, by the way?
Cloud: Wait! You guys are hunting down Sephiroth?
Tseng: *suspiciously* Sephiroth? Who's Sephiroth?
SCATTER!!!
Tifa: How are those guys always one step ahead of us?
Tseng (in the distance): Wrong way, Elena!
Elena: Went the wrong way!
♪ Opening Theme ♪
Barret: So, they offered you coffee...
*in disbelief* and you turned it down?
Tifa: It was the Turks!
Barret: IT WAS COFFEE!
Cloud: Sooo, any update on Red?
Red XIII: I CAN SMELL THE COOOOSMMMOOOOOOOOSS!!!!!!
Barret: Yeah, no, he's still high as f**k.
Tifa: ARRGH GREAT! We have no leads, the Turks have a head start, and Red's too stoned to guide us!
Please, universe: give us more headaches!
???: SURPRISE ATTAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!
FOOLS! Now you face the GREAT NINJA YUFF-
*POW! Right in the kisser!*
Yuffie: *incoherent mumbling*
Yuffie: *incoherent mumbling* Tifa: Now THAT'S a surprise attack!
Yuffie: Hey, why'd you cheap-shot me like that!?
Tifa: Just doing you a solid and teaching you a lesson!
Yuffie: Well, how's THIS for a lesson?
SHURIKENS! *throwing sound*
Cloud: What are you doing?
Yuffie: I'm throwing invisible shurikens at you!
Cloud: More like "shuri-can'ts"!
Yuffie: Whoa, puns AND punches!
I like that!
Name's Yuffie! Nice to meet ya!
Yo, miniskirt! You gotta teach me how to throw a punch like that!
Tifa: Uhhh, no.
Cloud: Come on, Tifa, teach her the Dolphin Flog!
Tifa: DOLPHIN BLOW!
Yuffie: O
Yuffie: OM
Yuffie: OMG!
That sounds AWESOME!
Cloud: *stifled laugh* You hear that, Tifa?
It sounds awesome!
Yuffie: Maaan, you guys are SOO COOOL!
Way cooler than those suits I was following earlier...
Cloud: You mean the Turks?
Yuffie: Yeah, the Jerks!
Yuffie: Yeah, the Jerks! (ding)
I was about to surprise attack them, but the shine from that bald dude's head blinded me, and then WHAM!
I got knocked out!
SO annoying! It happens every time!
Tifa: Did you yell out "Surprise attack!" ?
Yuffie: Yeah, every time!
Tifa: Yeah, maybe... maybe stop doing that.
Yuffie: WHOA!!!
That's a good idea!
You're totally blowing my mind right now!
Cloud: More like "Dolphin Blowing" your mind!
Tifa: SO, did the Turks mention anything about a guy named Sephiroth, or where they might be going?
Yuffie: Hmm... Maybe they did. Maybe they didn't. What's it worth to ya?
Aerith: *coldly* Absolutely nothing!
Let's go, Cloud.
Cloud: Hold on! Let's hear her out.
Yuffie: So, I think we could be friends, right?
Cloud: Sure!
Cloud: Sure! Tifa: With effort...
Cloud: Sure! Tifa: With effort... Aerith: No.
Yuffie: Great! So, here's the deets: I'll tell you where they went
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIF
you let me come with you.
Aerith: Why?
Yuffie: Look, I leave my little village for the first time...
I meet this kick-ass older woman...
Tifa: I'M 20!!!
Yuffie: RIGHT?! Just so OLD!!!
I want to see the world and experience as much as I can, like learning how to throw a punch from a master.
Cloud: She does know a thing or two about fisting...
Yuffie: So come ON!!! What do you say?
You do me a solid, and I'll do you a solid!
Cloud: Yeah, Tifa! Let's do her a solid!
Tifa: *groan*
Fine. Whatever you say, Cloud. It's your decision.
Barret: *pissed* AND THAT IS WHY, CLOUD...
YOU ARE NO LONGER ALLOWED TO MAKE DECISIONS LIKE THIS!!!
Cloud: Oh, come on! The trail was cold,
and Yuffie's the only one who can lead us to where the Turks are going.
Red: Friends!
I've got an idea for how to get past that Zolom...
Chocobos.
Cloud: I just feel like she's necessary.
Barret: I feel like she's optional at best.
Red: Just like giant bird over there! Let's check it out!
Barret: Red, focus! We have no time to stop for giant, pointless birds.
*sad caw*
Yuffie: Aaaaaand stop!
We're here!
Priscilla: [Irish Accent] What in the feck are you doing in Junon Harbor!?
Barret: That is a very good question. I do not know.
Now here's another:
Why does this village have a giant-ass cannon that looks like it will not turn?
Priscilla: Ugh. You'd have to ask the Shinra bastards who run this town.
Barret: *stupefied* Shinra.
Runs.
This town?
Priscilla: Correct. Now here's a follow-up question:
Why in the feck would Shinra's Most Wanted even t'ink of coming here?
Yuffie: Wait wait wait wait wait!
*surprised* We're Shinra's Most Wanted!?
AWESOME!!!!!
What's you guys' kill counts at!?
Barret: *through grit teeth* About to go up substantially...
because once again...
Cloud has-
Cloud: *irritated* F**ked up, right?
Because it's my fault that the only lead to Sephiroth just happened to be in a military town run by Shinra...
'cuz that's MY fault, right?!
Barret: *calmly* Thank you, Cloud. I now have one rant saved for later.
Priscilla: *suspiciously* Ahhhh, so you guys are also looking for Sephiroth, huh?
I believe we can be of use to one anudder...
Barret: OHHHHH NO! We are NOT bringing on another underage, female party member!
Priscilla: I've got me own group to worry about. Besides, anywhere I go...
me mate, Mr. Dolphin, follows! Mr. Dolphin: *dolphin noises*
Yuffie: Oh, sweet!
Does he help you practice your Dolphin Flock?
Barret: I see...
...and are you also accompanied by Mr. Flying Space Eel?
Cloud: Flying Space Eel?! Yuffie: Flying Space Eel?! Priscilla: Flying Space Eel?!
*flying space eel roars* Mr. Dolphin: *dolphin noises*
Priscilla: AHH!! MR. DOLPHIN!! You daft bastard!
*attack*
Noooo...
Yuffie: Ugghhh, kids are the worst!
Barret: Oh, hi, Kettle! Meet Pot!
Red XIII [as Kettle]: Oh, we've met.
Barret: Alright. Never thought I'd get a chance to use one of these... But here goes-
Yuffie: GRENADE!!!
*throwing sound* *flying space eel roars*
Cloud: Nice one, Yuffie! See, Barret, she's not so bad in a fight.
Barret: *perplexed* Yuffie...
I do not remember ever giving you one of my grenades...
Yuffie: Oh, that's because you didn't.
I stole it!
Barret: YOU STOLE ONE OF MY GRENADES?!?!?!
Cloud: *nervously* Uhhhhh
Yuffie: Yeah, I'm kind of a kleptomaniac. (Cloud: uhhhhhhhhhhhh)
I just can't stop stealing! (uhhhhhhhhhhh)
Tents, giant shurikens... (uhhhhhhhhhh)
kisses, Materia, you name it. I steal it! (uhhhhhhhhhhh)
Barret: Cloud, she is going to steal our Materia! (uhhhhhhhhhhh)
Yuffie: *pretending to be offended* Whaaaaat?
No, I'm noooooot!
Shut uuuuuuuuup!
Barret: YOU JUST SAID YOU WERE GOING TO STEAL IT!
Right after, by the way, you told us that you were a
Right after, by the way, you told us that you were a KLEPTO-
Right after, by the way, you told us that you were a KLEPTO-F**CKING-
Right after, by the way, you told us that you were a KLEPTO-F**CKING-MANIAC!!!
Yuffie: That's called a jooooooke.
Duuuuuuuhh!
I'm preeeeeeetty hilarious!
Cloud: *very nervously* Hey guys! Yeah, you know what's really hilarious?
That monster has gills. Doesn't it need water to survive?
*flying space eel...dies?*
*dumbfounded* Did it...
Did it forget that it needed water to survive?
Yuffie: Good job, team! One monster down, and nobody goooooooot hurt!
Barret: This child is extremely hurt...
Yuffie: *nonchalantly* Oh well. Casualties of war.
Cloud: She knows something about Sephiroth. We gotta do something!
Yuffie: You're right, Cloud!
Yuffie: You're right, Cloud! Let's check her pockets!
Barret: There will be NO looting of this small, unconscious child.
Yuffie: Ugggghhhh, fine...
whatever, DAD!
Old Man: Priscilla! What the fish is going on?
Cloud: Sir, I don't think she's breathing.
I'm going to try CPR...
*deep breath*
Old Man: Or I could just cast Cure...
*Cure cast*
Priscilla: *coughs* OHH, feck-on-a-stick!
Yuffie: *agitated* Oh great...
now we have to kill them BOTH before they tell anyone we're Shinra's Most Wanted.
Old Man: Wait...you're Shinra's Most Wanted?!
Yuffie: Whaaaaat!? No, we're noooooot!
Barret: *weakly* Shut up, Yuffie.
Old Man: I think it would be in your best interest for you to wait at the inn...
until our leader is ready to speak with you.
Barret: And if we don't?
Old Man: Then I'll just have a word with Shinra instead...
Barret: Oh my God, are you blackmailing us?!
Old Man: Just think of it as... involuntary volunteering.
Yuffie: As long as you're not extorting us!
Barret: *very weakly* Oh my God, why are you here?
Old Woman: So... you're the lot who saved Priscilla?
Cloud: *arrogantly* Actually...
Cloud: *arrogantly* Actually... I saved Priscilla.
Barret: Yes, Cloud. Please tell this woman how your lips almost saved this small, unconscious child.
Cloud: I was TALKING about beating off that giant eel-
*realizing what he said* That doesn't sound any better...
Old Woman: Sounds like you've all had a full day.
Better get some rest! Our leader will have a little job for you tomorrow.
Cloud: Aaand what does this job involve?
Old Woman: Don't worry. It's something you lot are VERY familiar with...
Assassination!
Cloud: Awww, shit!
Barret: Awww, damn it!
Yuffie: AWESOME!!!
We're gonna make those Murder Bucks!
Barret: *weakly* Why didn't we stop off at that giant bird and left Yuffie there?
Yuffie: *laughs* THAT would've sucked!
That place looked SOOOOOO boring.
Bird Guardian: Our enemy draws close, my old friend...
*eager caw*
Bird Guardian: Our only hope is that, one day, fate brings us heroes with the strength to oppose Sh-
*explosion* Man: OH GOD, IT'S SHINRA!!!
*gunfire, explosions, and screaming* Bird Guardian: ...
*gunfire, explosions, and screaming* Bird Guardian: ...But today is not that day...
*sad caw*
♪Outro Music♪
Antfish: Hey guys, thank you once again for your continued support and sticking around. Do you like anime?
Well, so do we. That's why we have a brand new anime channel called FourStarBento,
featuring a new show called Anime FMK, where KaiserNeko, Kirran, and Ben sit down and watch
the current season of anime week by week and decide which shows stay and which... get knifed.
Check it out right there!
Peace!