this is fantastic my guest tonight is
here in person
this is the first time in like eight
months that i've talked
to a human being because my family and i
don't get along
he's of course a very talented actor who
starred in such films as step brothers
talladega knights
walk hard the dewey story in
chicago
now he can be seen in the new showtime
series
moon base eight which i love please
welcome
john c reilly i can't believe you're
here yes
thanks folks all three of you look andy
a human being
agreed to come here and sit with me and
it's john c reilly
i still don't believe it's john c reilly
it's me andy i'm pretty far away and it
sounds like him but i don't i mean
it could be anything in a movie together
i know you
had a mustache on for the movie but you
should still recognize me
all right that's right well anyway um i
cannot tell you how happy i am to be
talking
to you in person i love talking to you
you've always been a good friend to me
and to the show but
the fact that you got tested yesterday
you got tested
for us yes i'd already been tested twice
this weekend
if i last i was like all right you want
to send your guy too
bring him on right so you've been tested
like 600 times
yeah well this weekend just three but
that's quite a lot of
nose probing for me i generally don't go
in for that kind of thing
it's unbelievable so you've got the far
up the nose yeah
well i've been doing a couple to visit a
friend's movie set
paul anderson's shooting a movie right
now and you can't even get anywhere near
it without getting
tested and everything and i discovered
there one nostril is better than the
other for me
yes you're like do you have a preference
and i was like i don't care right
and then it was like like there's a
little resistance in the right
right and then i realized like i have
kind of a deviated septum i guess on my
right hand side so
make sure you pick your nostrils right
yeah correctly
uh they get so far up there i don't know
how many people watching have had the up
the nose test
but if i was wearing a little hat on the
back of my head it would get
knocked off they go back into cavities
that you
didn't i didn't i thought the nose
stopped like here apparently that cavity
goes into the middle of the brain
you're a guy i got it done they used a
chopstick
i was like that's not even a swab yeah
andy though that was not a testing site
you went to a chinese restaurant
i thought panda express was a drugstore
okay well
no it's interesting for the for the film
production one they go into the nose and
then open your mouth
into your mouth with the same one right
so it's like i'm going to force you to
pick your nose real quick
and you're going to now i'm going to
force you to eat it
but your guy and i i'll call him your
guy because you sent him to my house
he came and he's like i said he gonna do
the nose on the mouth he's like no just
the nose and i was like oh okay
so he puts it in and it's like way
far in and he's like and hold ten nine
eight am i what
i gotta sit this thing parked in my nose
for 10 seconds
guess what that shocked me too because
the person because you agreed to do this
i got tested by a different person
yesterday he came to my house must been
the same guy he got out he was wearing
like a tracksuit
and he took the stick and he put it up
my nose
until they get back there and they start
triggering
weird memories and synapses that haven't
been fired apparently i was in the
circus as a child i don't even have any
memory of it
he put it way back there and then he let
go and he walked away
and said ten and i think he went and
made a sandwich oh my god
that was i was unbelievable and then he
came back and took it out and i'm like
what was that
yeah i thought he was gonna start going
like a little bit further
[Laughter]
i remember i had my wisdom teeth taken
out one time and i i
it was one of these things i just
decided that i needed like my gums were
bothering me in one part
and i was like i'm gonna get those
wisdom teeth taken out of then my teeth
will be straight and like
that didn't work but they said we can
take it only three at
once because there's a danger if we do
all four that you could
mess up your nerves and um
and i remember they gave me an iv of
this anesthetic and i was laying there
and i was like drifting off in la la
land and i had this vague images of this
woman
oral surgeon working on me and then at
one point i remember i was just kind of
spaced out and i remember
i was like i hear a hammer and i heard
kink
kink kink like that i was like that's so
weird i hear
i hear a hammer hitting like a metal
stake
and then i look up and it's the woman
she literally has a chisel and a hammer
and she's going pink like trying to
knock this thing out of my mouth like
it's amazing what you put up with when
you're high on something
yeah when a doctor gives you something
he can literally say and now i'm
removing your eye with a melon baller
you'll be like
do what you gotta do if you're happy
i literally remember the the thought of
like looking at this woman it's like
she's hitting me with a hammer and a
chisel that's fine
you know like okay i'm good