Suicide appeared to me.
It appeared as the kindest most loving thing that I could do for myself.
And in that moment I knew
I am in a lot of trouble.
I was very very close, I was a breath away from not coming back.
On screen you've known him as that confident, charming handsome guy
that's fronted some of Australia's most popular television for years.
But off camera the enigmatic personality you've loved for so long, was falling apart.
Alcoholism, depression, obsessive compulsive disorder, anxiety, body dysmorphia
and episodes of psychosis.
This is a man that literally lost his mind
in the worst kind of downward spiral.
A side to Osher Günsberg, you've never seen.
Over a course of about 18 months of my life,
I was experiencing bouts of psychosis and then I would be alright again and it would kind be bad again
and then I would be alright again.
Sometimes moments, sometimes hours, sometimes days where I was in that.
I was seeing
pretty intense paranoid delusions.
A blurred channel or a glitchy channel where
reality and what was happening in my brain were kind of flicking on and off.
I would start seeing things if they weren't there and it was really traumatic.
And so painful, so physically painful actually.
Like I was being stabbed in the stomach with a barbecue skewer.
It was like someone had finger nails on all sides of my skull.
I was kind of like- every 5, 8 seconds I was flinching
and just kind of cowering in this agony that was happening in my brain.
I was dealing with quite active and prominent suicidal ideation.
The very best solution I could come up with was
to make it all stop.
Do you reckon that, maybe abusive alcoholism or drug taking excessively caused the psychosis?
Yeah there was a time in my life when drinking vast amounts of champagne straight out of the bottle
was a really, really cracking idea.
And there was a time in my life when
accepting random pills from strangers on dance floors was also a really great idea.
For me there was that one particular pill that I took.
I'd read the pamphlet, I'd seen the story, I'd be like
'Just one dose is enough to bust you for life. Nah that won't happen to me!'
It happened to me!
And nothing was the same after that.
Ecstasy is a hell of a drug. Some people can take it and walk away from it and never have a problem again.
But my brain never really recovered from that.
Was it worth what happened afterwards? No way.
That was it. I think I would of got there anyway to be be honest, I just accelerated the process that's for sure.
Osher, what do you think it was that saved you?
To be honest the only thing that really took it away was when I was on stage.
And then so I ended up getting paid quite well for my coping mechanism, which is really interesting.
Lucky guy.
I am, really am.
But when I got really sick, the switch was stuck to doom.
And I couldn't switch it off and I needed
first one, then two, then three, then four different kinds of medication all at once.
To let that switch flick back
and start to rewire that neural pathway, to start to rewire by brain.
I had to be on meds for a long time before I got to a point where any of that rationalisation stuff could work.
Is it fair to say then that there was a version of Osher or Andrew G,
who became Osher that we saw and a very different version of you, that we're only just seeing now?
I think anybody has that.
Anybody in the public eye or anybody generally.
There's who you are at work and there's who you are at home.
There's who you are to your friends and there's who you are to your lover.
Y'know, we all have that.
How do you feel right now?
How do I feel right now? I feel pretty good.
Yeah I feel pretty good y'know, we're on Bondi beach, it's cold.
Y'know my body language is probably pretty weird, I'm pretty cold cos it's the middle of winter.
But it's beautiful, it's lovely to have an opportunity to talk like this.
You said something before, I called you Osh and you said 'Osher'-
Yes.
because apparently your name means something pretty rude in another language.
-Is it Maltese? -Maltese, yes.
And is it an expletive that we can't say?
It rhymes with 'hunt'.
In the third season of the Bachelor,
Sam Wood wonderfully fell in love with a beautiful lady by the name of Snezana.
And Snezana is Maltese.
And every the girls went 'Oh hi Osh!'
She would be 'Hehehe'.
And then she told me, she took me aside one day and says
'Just so you know this is what it means.'
I've got tweets from people going: 'every time the girls call you that my nona just giggles in the corner.'
That is gold.
I will never call you Osh again.
I'm sorry. My apologies.
Back in 2009 you did this thing where you took a photo of yourself, everyday.
I've got that here.
So I set myself challenge of taking a DSLR self portrait, everyday for a year
and trying to not use natural lights.
So for a year I took a backpack that had a DSLR, a light stand, at least two flashes.
Triggers, everything, all around the world with me.
And I documented everyday of my life for 365 days.
How do you feel there, scrolling back through your life like that?
I...
I didn't realise it...
but I was documenting quite an intense time in my life, I'm drinking in a lot of these.
It's wild, as I get closer and closer to the last days, you can see my face is pretty puffy.
It's getting pretty grim.
The reason I bring it up is because I remember someone writing about it and calling you a narcissist.
Yeah, really? Okay.
How do you feel hearing that?
That's their judgement to make. That's what they wanna make, that's fine.
I don't believe that person spoke to me.
But is there an element of narcissism taking a photo of yourself everyday for a year?
Well the reason why I took a photo of myself everyday for a year was to become a better photographer.
Alright? And how can you become a good photographer if you don't have somebody to shoot?
The easiest model you can find is you.
So that's why I did it.
Now it's far more acceptable to walk around taking a photo of yourself on your phone
no one blinks an eye.
What would Osher Günsberg today say to Andrew G 15 years ago?
Now that you've got that beautiful thing called hindsight.
What was 15 years ago, first season of Idol.
Maybe, maybe go home a little earlier pal.
Nothing good is gonna happen after 2:30 in the morning.
Yeah just go home.
Go home. Go to bed.
-You're 44 now, happily married. -Yeah.
There's a kid around.
Ah yeah she's awesome.
-Do you sleep easy at night now? -Yeah but it takes a lot of work.
Y'know and that's everyday.
Living a life, with the brain I got
not supported by medication at the moment,
means that I have a fair amount of self care in my life to make sure that I can still function.
I absolutely have to make time for exercise, I absolutely have to make time for correct nutrition,
I absolutely have to make time to connect with my family at certain points
and approach my work with a purpose. If I don't do those things, I don't sleep well at night.
Why are you kinda laying it all bare now?
Why now?
Like anybody, you, everyone around us, we all know someone
who we lost to suicide and
there's so much stigma in our country-
-Around mental illness? -Around discussing mental illness.
I am just trying to have a conversation, an authentic conversation,
so that it's more normal for people to put their hand up and say 'Hey I might need help here.'
What's the dream though? Do you feel like you're living the dream now?
Mate I'm alive and well on the most peaceful, prosperous, beautiful country on the planet.
Of course I'm living the dream. Look at us!
This is the greatest thing ever!
This is the greatest thing ever. We get to live in Australia, that is the lotto man.
We're living it.
We are so lucky to be here.
Every single day I wake up I'm like, I cannot believe how lucky I am.
Osher Günsberg, not Osh,
it's been an absolute treat talking to you. Thanks mate I really appreciate you giving us this time.