Help, I've got a low sex or no sex marriage, part two.
Hi.
Welcome to today's little lesson.
We're going to keep talking about the subject of the problem of a low sex or no sex marriage.
On our previous little lesson, we established from first Corinthians chapter seven verse
number five, that's not God's will.
Okay.
That's just the foundation that we're laying.
I hope I made this clear in our little lessons that we addressed primarily to the sexual
struggles of single people to be praying for a solution as a single person or as a married
person, that God will deliver you from sexual desire.
I want to tell you, you can't have faith for God to answer that prayer, seeing as how God's
the one who gave you the sexual desire that you have.
Okay?
To say, "Oh God, deliver me from sexual desire."
Again, you could pray that prayer, but good luck on getting an answer because you can't
pray with faith because there's nothing in the word of God that would indicate to us
that that's God's will to lessen your sexual desire.
Now, he wants us to control our sexual desire, keep it fenced in within the parameters that
he sent out into the world.
It's a gift to married people.
It's an incentive to unmarried people to get married.
All right, but keep it within all of those boundaries that are in the word of God.
I'm just telling you, if you're praying for God to deliver you from sexual desire, you're
probably going to be disappointed.
Okay, so there's a better solution.
One of the very next verses in that passage we've been looking at in first Corinthians
seven, chapter seven and verse number seven, Paul says, "Yet, I wish all men were even
as I myself am."
That is, single.
Paul clearly had the gift of celibacy.
In fact, that's what he calls it.
Each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that.
If you have the gift of celibacy, you know it, and if you don't have the gift of celibacy,
you know it.
You don't have to be praying about this and say, "God, reveal to me whether I have this
gift."
Oh my goodness.
No, just check out your sexual desire and what a blessing it would be if we all had
the gift of celibacy before we got married.
There'll be absolutely no temptation there or somehow you could flip the switch in a
low sex, no sex marriage and those frustration flipped the switch and, "Oh, now I've got
the gift of celibacy," but it just doesn't seem that's how God's working.
Okay.
We've got to find better solutions than that because those really aren't solutions at all.
All right.
We've established what is God's will in this matter.
Now the next step is if you find yourself in a low sex or no sex marriage, you need
to communicate, okay, and not communicate with your buddies and friends and girlfriends
or boyfriends.
No, no, no, because actually there's an element here of Biblical truth that your spouse is
sinning against you if they're the one who was withholding sex.
We read it in first Corinthians seven, five, "Stop depriving one another, except by agreement
for a time, but then come together again that Satan tempt you because of your lack of self-control."
The spouse who is withholding sex from the other spouse is sinning against them opening
the door for Satan to get in there.
There's no way around that from the scripture, so you need to communicate, but you need to
communicate in love and not in finger pointing and anger and accusations and so forth.
Husbands, if you're frustrated that you're not getting enough sex from your wife, chances
are pretty slim that it's going to get better by you yelling at her and arguing with her
and pointing your finger at her and so forth.
No, it's always best to, you know, when you have a problem in a relationship to look at
yourself first and see if perhaps there's that teeny weenie itsy bitsy weenie beeny
chance that maybe you could at least be partially responsible for the problem.
Okay.
Now, here in first Corinthians seven five where Paul's talking about, "Stop depriving
one another, unless you accept by agreement for a time, and come together again lest Satan
tempt you because of your lack of self-control."
He's didn't say, "Hey, men," no, the implication is, hey men and women, hey, husbands and wives
both are susceptible to this.
Both have sexual desire.
Both need to come together again.
Right?
Right.
Okay.
If your wife, for example, I'm talking to husbands now, seems to have not as much sexual
desire as you would like her to have.
Well, you're not going to win her over by telling her that she's sinning against you
and say, the Bible says submit, you know, because I'm the head.
You're the pinhead, that's true but that's not your job.
Now, what's your job?
Your job is to love your wife, like Christ loves the church.
How much love is that?
Oh my goodness.
Do you ever hear the Gospel?
Oh my goodness, I feel so sorry for women who get all bent out of shape because the
Bible's talking about wives submitting to their husbands.
Again, taken out of context, yeah, that could be offensive and I get that, but the duty
laid on the husband.
Husbands love your wives like Christ loved the church.
That's a whole lot more demanding and difficult than wives submit to your husbands.
Okay?
Just threw that in as a little caveat.
Now, husbands, I'm not going to be able to get into this.
You have to watch part three, but husbands, God has given you everything you need or he
certainly given you access to everything you need to maybe make a difference here.
Okay?
You need to begin to understand your wife.
God gave her sexual desire, and this is not identical as yours.
She doesn't get turned on by what she sees when you parade in front of her scantily clad.
She's not going, ooh, you know, she might be admiring you, sure.
It's not like it is with you when you see an attractive woman scantily clad.
You got to turn on your wife and she's got a slow cooker, slow burner.
It's not all about sex for her.
It's about love.
Oh my goodness, romance and thoughtfulness.
It doesn't just start in the bedroom.
It starts at the beginning of the day, every day, every day, all week long, little tender
indications and hugs and sweet things and little text messages that you're thinking
about her.
Not just saying, I'm thinking about your breasts.
It's I'm thinking about you honey, because I like talking to you.
I like being with you.
You're the love of my life and so you're just getting that slow burner cooking so that maybe
a little more fuel for the desire comes out and that's what you want.
Okay?
I can't believe I'm doing this.
All right, we're out of time for today.
We'll pick up here in the next little lesson.
Hope you don't miss it because it's going to be juicy.
See you then.