Hey guys, welcome back thanks for joining me for another video if you're new to my channel, my name is Stephanie
I'm a life and relationship coach and I am super excited
this Sunday morning because
Spring has finally hit Boston, and I'm so excited for this
So the warm weather is coming and I feel like when the warm weather starts happening we start getting out more
We start maybe dating more and so I really wanted to make this video
So for this week
I wanted to talk about
empaths and dating and this is super important because if you resonate with being an impact dating for you getting into relationships
is completely different than
Normal people that date and get into relationships and I'm gonna get into why in this video
I'm also gonna give you some tips that you can do when you are
Dating so you can protect yourself from abuse now like always if you haven't already
Subscribed don't forget to click that subscribe button down below and click on the notification bell
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On a brand new giveaway, so let's get right into this week's video
now if you don't know anything about an empath
That's the first time you've ever even heard the word
empath or
If you have heard before and you definitely resonate with it an empath is definitely someone who is a bit of an old soul
so this is a person that
Has always been able to feel on a very deep level
so when you watch a sad movie when you watch the news when someone tells you
You know a story whether it's a good story or not the nicest story ever you feel it on a much deeper level
Than other people and paths tend to also be highly sensitive
They tend to be like I said the old souls. They're very good listeners
They're very alluring to people because they tend to resonate such a positive
Vibration and they vibrate at such a high level that they're very intriguing to people because they tend to be the people in your life
That are just the natural
Caregivers they're the people that want to give they want to help. They're very genuine
And these are great qualities to have as being a human being but they also come
Some downfall right? So if you resonate with an empath in terms of downfall, you will know that you can get
overwhelmed very easily whether that's in crowded places or even just living your life day to day you definitely
Enjoy your alone time. You need time to yourself in order to recharge
Because you feel on such a deep level
It can be overwhelming at times and it can be a lot for you to hear
Horrific stories on the news right or hear about something. That's that's tragic that just happened to someone that you really loved her
Even if it's someone that you don't even know because you can feel so deeply it can definitely drain you
emotionally very quickly
You're also the type of person that is so kind and genuine and wanting to give that you see the best in people
And you see?
How you can help someone and the problem with this is if you don't get hooked up with people that are aware of
who you are and are healthy themselves on some level or at least no other issues are then you tend to be the person that
Will overlook red flags because you want to see the good in people
You want to believe that everyone is good and everyone's trying and everyone's you know
Wanting to grow and expand and learn and heal from past hurts and you want to help them
and so if you're not careful, you will absolutely get hooked up with people that are abusers that are the takers that
Don't respect boundaries that are gonna you know tiptoe on violating a boundary
So being an impact because you're such a natural caregiver and these things come naturally to you
you have to be very self aware and cautious when you are getting into relationships because
You are net you just want to give and if you're not careful
You're gonna attract takers and you're unattractive users and if you're not aware of this stuff
you get trapped in the hamster wheel that I like to call right and if you have past wounds and
Stuff that's going on inside of you then
Like I said, you're never healing from your past and we fall into that codependency
So sometimes not all codependents are impacts and highly
But a lot of them actually are so in this video
I want to give you tips on what you need to do while you were not just dating really but really getting into any relationship
so the very first thing that you absolutely have to do and again
These tips are true for just anyone but the reason why these are so important is because you have that kind heart
Because you see the little puppy on the street the stray cat and you want to take it in you want to save the world?
You want to help everyone and this is super important because you have to help yourself first
You have to protect yourself before you can help anyone else. So the first thing is you have to take your time
Getting to know a person you have to take your time in relationships and this is super important again
This is dating healthy dating 101
but for empaths
this is something that you totally have to be reminding yourself throughout this process is take your time getting to know someone so
You are allowing them to prove to you who they are
and
You know
That this is the person that you want to be with now I always say this when you're dating you have to be very not
Just dating but even friendships any relationship
You should have a real idea as to who you want your life
So there should be a standard that you have for all relationships not just romantic ones
And if someone isn't meeting that standard then maybe that's someone that shouldn't be in your in your life or in your existence
Same thing with dating. You cannot let your ability to have compassion and
Kindness and giving allow you to fall in love with someone too quickly
that's super important because
Especially female and pass we can be so
Emotional that we sometimes don't use logic when we're meeting people
And again, if you haven't healed past wounds, then you're gonna want to get into a relationship
You're gonna you're you still have that codependency, you're gonna feel the need to do certain things behave a certain way
So someone will love you. Someone will take care of you
So someone won't leave you and abandon you right because you haven't healed that past wound
but when you are whole and healthy you
Absolutely take your time in relationships because you understand that. Hey in order to be in my life
This is the job description I have
For someone that I want to be in a relationship
With or a person that I want in my life in terms of our friendship and I'm gonna give this relationship
Time for this person to show me who they are before I choose them
so
the next thing is you have to know your Worth and your standards and this is easy stuff that we can say we can absolutely
Say yes know your Worth. You need to have a high value on yourself
You need to know your standards
But the fact of the matter is when you're looking at someone and someone's getting to know you
We all have baggage we all have stuff and I always say the healthiest people are the people that know their own
They know their crazy. Right? So like I know the things within myself that I always have to be working on
I know where my wounds are so a healthy person knows the stuff
that they're trying to improve in themselves the stuff that they're trying to heal, but when you meet someone that
Has baggage that has wounds that doesn't even know their own crazy, right?
That's the person that is not gonna be the person that's gonna be aware of the stuff that they have to work on in order
For them to be with you
So we all in order to be really healthy no matter who you are empath highly sensitive
Codependent nor whatever it doesn't even matter who you are you need to know
What are the issues that are going on inside of me?
What's the stuff that I need to deal with where my insecurities wherein my wounds and am I taking?
Steps to heal that part of myself to grow to challenge myself
Am I able to have mature and healthy conversation with someone am I able to compromise?
You know
What is the interaction with this person look like if you're dating someone and they don't even know what their issues are know what their?
Bag is you even looks like and they're not even trying to work on it or fix it
That's not someone that you probably want to entertain in terms of dating
So the next thing is and I love to say this to people but the fact of the matter is and pass out
there you can't take home every lost puppy that you see so what I mean by that is it's not your job to
Fix people use your energy and your ability to be that natural
Caregiver to be that person that wants to help the world and save the world and and think the best in people
save that for the people that have earned that part of yourself go volunteer go do something where you're helping people that would really
appreciate and benefit from the the talents and the gifts that you have inside if you're talking to a friend and
you know that you're a great listener and every time this person anytime anyone tells you a
Problem that you're in it, right? Like you want to hear the problem. You're an active listener
You really care you really being genuine with this person and wanting to help this person
But if you're with someone that number one
Doesn't want help and that's huge. So again, does someone know what their stuff is do they know where their baggage is?
Do they know what their wounds look like?
Are they are they at the point in their life that they're taking steps?
Towards trying to better themselves
if you're not talking to that person and you're talking to the person that doesn't even know what's going on with them and doesn't quite
Care right to fix anything within themselves or heal something
It's not your job to then come in and try to save that person because they don't want to save themselves for me
That was a huge lesson that I had to learn that anytime
I tried to help someone
That if they didn't want to take the help that number one it wasn't my job to come in and save the day on this
Person I could offer advice I could offer assistance when I felt I could give assistance, right?
That was me healing that
codependency where when someone tell told me a problem
Whether someone I was dating or someone that I loved I didn't just step in and try to save the day I had to consciously
take a step back on who I naturally was and
not give so much and be able to stop myself before giving and
Just like we have bad habits that we want to be conscious of and stop before we do them
These things that aren't just naturally come to us. We have to be able to recognize
Okay, I can't go there. I have to protect myself
It's not my job to save this puppy right now and I'm gonna real back a little
Because I want to go in right now and save the day but I'm not going to because I have to take a step back
I have to protect my own energy my own self
I can't exhaust myself by
Walking in and wanting to save this person and I have to allow this person to get there themselves
setting boundaries is something that again is
healthy self-esteem self-love 101
Right, you have to learn how to set boundaries and you have to know what it is that you expect in relationships
That's number one. So and I always tell people if you don't know, you know what you expect on relationships. I don't know
What disrespect looks like I don't know, you know
I don't know any of that stuff
The first thing that you have to go off of is your intuition and how you feel
so when someone does something whether or not you can pinpoint as
Hmm that was gas lighting. Hmm. That was manipulation
Hey that person just shamed me if you're not able to detect it in that way. That's totally fine
You have to go off of how you feel when you leave a person when you're interacting with anyone
You should feel
Light maybe you don't feel filled up because then again we're tiptoeing on codependency here right? We're okay
You're giving me all this stuff and I feel amazing about myself
maybe we shouldn't have that type of feeling but you should at least feel content and
calm when you're around people so if you feel
Not good about yourself after you leave an interaction with someone if you don't
If you feel maybe negative or drained or you can just tell that
Hey, this person actually didn't really listen to me and it kind of was all about themselves and you can be really honest with yourself
That's why I say this whole process
This channel is about you learning how to be your own best friend you learning how to be your own coach be your own
Therapist the person that's gonna motivate you and help you in life
You have to be able to do that for yourself in order to do that
You have to get to know yourself. You have to be honest with yourself
You have to when you ask yourself a question, no matter what comes up. You have to be able to validate that stuff
So and that's what I teach my clients is being able to do this stuff for yourself that increases self-confidence that increases your self
That creates the happiness that you actually want. So learning how to set boundaries
Like I always say the best thing about boundaries is when you set them
you get to see who a person is and I think that that's amazing because you're not gonna always be able to see who a
Person is just by kind of living life and hanging out and you know going to the movies or having dinner together
It's really the times when you're going through a disagreement, right and you're telling someone okay?
Well, this is how I feel and this is what I think and how do they show up for you?
You're going to get to know a person when you let your walls down and you are vulnerable
with them and you let someone into your world so that again is a great indicator of
how a
Person is going to respond to you be there for you
How they're gonna make you feel when you're showing them bits and pieces of yourself. Absolutely huge
Also, we're not perfect
we're gonna do things that unfortunately hurt each other at times because we're human beings and we're perfectly imperfect like that quote says
but
When we do things where we hurt someone else by setting boundaries again
That will show you does this person respect me
Does this person respect with the boundary that I'm setting and then you know, sometimes it's not just enforcing boundaries. That's hard for people
It's excuse me setting boundaries
it's enforcing them and
enforcing them
when you get to a place where you really love yourself when you get to a place where you are your own best friend and
You know how to self-soothe and you know how to be alone
that when someone
Violates your boundary time and time again and you've given chances and you've given chances. It's
Easy for you to walk away from relationships because you know who you want to attract?
You know what you deserve in terms of romantic relationships and even friendships and when someone's not capable of being that person
You're okay with walking away because while you love this person
you need healthy people in your life and
You know exactly what you need to do in order to soothe yourself from that
Disappointment from that expectation that you probably had on that person and you know how to be alone and you don't crave
People like you used to and that, you know codependent way
so
I hope that that has helped all of my impacts out there and please comment down below on some of the things that
You struggle with yourself as an impact or someone who is highly sensitive. So I will see you next week. Thank you guys