-Guy on Porch: I don’t really wanna burn too much… -Julianne: Oh I understand.
-Julianne: Thanks for coming. -Guy on Porch: Thanks for having me.
Julianne: Yeah, of course…gotta share the wealth of the house, ya know?
-Guy on Porch: How long you got it for? -Julianne: Just until tomorrow.
-Guy on Porch: Ah, well, at least ya got it. -Julianne: Yeah, you know- come inside and check it out?
-Guy on Porch: Yeah, I’m gonna finish up. I’ll see you in there. -Julianne: Ok, cool.
-Girl at Party: if you lose them or it becomes severed then its… -Eric: Right, right
-Eric: There she is. -Julianne: There she is..who was that?
-Eric: I think her name is Emily… -Julianne: Ugly name.
Eric: (fake accent) Marla darling…? Would you mind helping me to discard the rubbish?
Marla?
Oh, no, no no-ok, ready?
- Yes… - Ok.
- One. - Two…
THREE!
Perfect.
(fake accent) It’ll be like no one was ever here not even you…or me.
(fake accent)That’s right the less evidence of our own existence the happier we are.
(fake accent) Now if only I could find where we put the rubbish bags.
(fake accent) Marla, did you do something with the rubbish bags last night?
Julianne: (fake accent) Yes that’s a problem isn’t it…you know, maybe they ran out.
(normal voice)No, Daniel always keeps like 30 extra of everything.
(fake accent) And Marla is always saying, why Daniel, we have enough stock already!
Julianne:(fake accent)-Why keep stocking? Eric: Jules stop. I just looked there.
Sorry. Ah, um, I might have thrown them out. With the trash…
I’m gonna go check.
-Jules- -Just one sec-
You threw out the garbage bags?
I don’t know I might have. With the trash. I’m sorry-
(LOUD KNOCK)
Eric: Jesus-
-Julianne: Sorry-sorry, it scared me. -Why’d you lock the door?
Julianne: Sorry…
Eric: Ok…huh-
Hello? Daniel? Marla?
See? It’s for us.
Eric: May we help you?
I must say I appreciate the precaution. Locking the door like that. Instincts. Practiced.
Thanks.
Apologies. I am a friend of Daniel and Marla’s. My name is Todd.
-You’ll have to forgive my verbiage I tend toward the loquacious when I’m sober.
Ok, well I’m Daniel- I, I work for Daniel-
I’m Eric. This is Julianne. We’re housesittin’.
Phew! Then I’m in the right place!
- (whispering) Eric- Eric- - (whispering) Jules- its fine, it’s fine ok? Look, it’s my bosses house let me handle this.
It’s nice what they’ve done with the kitchen.
Uh, yeah.
I’m sorry I was-
Hey man- what’d you say you’re name was again?
I’m afraid I’m just a little sober myself.
Todd: That’s funny. Yeah, I know I heard you guys having a party last night. I’m Todd.
Eric: I’m sorry are you a neighbor? We had a couple friends over last night-
We tried to keep things as quiet as possible-
Sounded awesome.
How can we help you?
Jules its fine he’s a-neighbor, ah, do you need water- or-
I’m Todd. Todd Billings? It’s my kitchen really. I built it. Well, my company did. And then I sold it to Daniel and Marla.
That still doesn’t explain why you’re in it.
- Jules, calm down- - (Todd chuckling)
She’s good. Logical. I built the house but I do not own the house and therefore-
-Why am I in the house?
-I’m calling the police. -Seriously Jules…
No- he is scaring me. -Eric: Can you please let me handle this?
Don’t let the emotion fuck up your logic, Julianne. You haven’t even asked me to leave yet.
Eric: Jules, baby- Daniel is gonna ask me why the police showed up at his house, alright?
Julianne: I do not care. Hello? Hi? Yeah, I’m calling to report an intruder in my home.
Look man, we’re just a little out of it is all-
-Things got a little, out of hand last night, ya know?
But, ya can’t be here. K man? You gotta go.
That way Julianne, she can calm down a little- We can finish cleaning up, and Daniel and Marla can come home to a nice empty house with-
- newly trimmed plants. - Julianne (on phone): I want them to come here right now-
-You gotta leave. Ok man? - Julianne (on phone): I don’t live here so I don’t know the address-
You can get a beer for the road, sober up somewhere else-
-Julianne: (shouting) Eric hey- what’s the address? - Eric where are the garbage bags?
-Eric: Ah, I ah, I don’t know- -116 Columbia Street at the intersection of 29 and River Hill. Tell her.
-Julianne: Eric is everything ok? -Everything’s ok, everything cool- alright-
-Todd: Tell her. -Eric: It’s 116 Columbia Street-
-Todd: FUCK! Ouch-fuck- -Julianne: Oh my God-
Are you ok?
It’s ok- everything’s cool…
-Do you need a towel? -Jules don’t be stupid.
- Hey, Hey! That wasn’t stupid. She’s not stupid! - Hey man-hey-
She was correct not to trust me, ok?
Todd: Oh, fuck, fuck my floor…
Listen man -why don’t you put the knife down and we can get you cleaned up-
Just sit down! Sit down!
Could you please retrieve some paper towels and help clean this up?
Thank you for cleaning up the house, by the way. This house-
Could you please hurry up Julianne?
Todd: Blot it! Please-
Fantastic, you’ll no doubt find a jar of white vinegar and a sponge to scrub the wood-
In the cabinet below the sink…
Things are a little messy with me right now…
Todd: Homes my company built- foundations are cracking and there are laws-
-People are blaming me. So I came here last night-
-I wanted to go someplace that was sound. That had structural integrity-
This is the only home I ever built well.
And Daniel and Marla are really good people and when I saw you and Julianne-
-and your drunken cohorts I figured I’d stay a little while.
Thank you, thank you Julianne, thank you.
Sit back down Eric or I swear to God there’e going to be more cleaning.
You won’t die for her. You won’t die for him…
This is what I was repeating to myself over and over, sitting there outside your party last night.
Part of me even wanted to come inside and join you, I did-
-but I took great care to restrain myself and instead I listened and I watched-
And I saw you Eric, and I saw you Julianne-
and I knew. I knew it cuz I’d done it.
It’s differential settlement. One side sinking faster than the other.
You won’t die for him…
You won’t die for her.
I’ve built dozens of beautiful homes.
All crafted catastrophes in wait-
Figuring everything would move on. Forge ahead. Be fine.
This house is one hundred percent solid.
When you build something like this out of nothing you love it.
So- what? What you get drunk and what? What do you want?
I need to ask you a question Eric. And I need you to tell me the truth. If you don’t, I’ll know-
-And I’m gonna kill her.
‘Cause I can’t have her go on like this. It’s too sad it’s too cruel.
But if you tell me the truth, no matter what it is, I’ll let her go.
What is it?
Do you love her?
No.
Julianne clap for Eric. Eric told the truth!
That was difficult I know.
Todd: Now I understand why Daniel asked you to take care of this house.
Todd: You’re a duplicitous piece of shit but underneath it all-You’re honest.
Todd: Jules you are one strong piece of work you know that?!
Thanks for cleaning up. Before the blood stains the wood.