My name is Kei Williams, and I identify as
a queer, transmasculine person.
And I identify as a gender nonconforming femme.
I identify as transgender nonbinary,
or transgender nonconforming.
I identify as genderqueer— genderfluid, more specifically.
And my pronouns are they/them.
I don't wanna identify as a man or a woman.
There's so many stigmas that come along
with either being a woman or being a man,
and societal expectations— and I just wanna be me.
It's a way for me to express myself
knowing that there are no boundaries.
Knowing that I didn't identify as a woman,
and now knowing that I didn't also have to therefore identify as a man,
and just kind of float wherever I wanted
on the spectrum was a lot of freedom for me.
That feminine side of me—that I'm probably
not presenting at all hours of the day
or nearly as much as the male side of me—is just as important.
It comes and goes.
That's why I kind of identify really as genderfluid,
’cause I feel like sometimes I'm here,
sometimes I'm there, sometimes I'm somewhere in between.
So for a lot of people, there's not necessarily
a huge “aha" moment of, “Oh, suddenly I realize that I'm nonconforming. This is it!”
It's more of, “I finally figured out that there was a third option.”
My friend was telling me about this show “Steven Universe.”
She was like, “You have to watch this show.
There's all these characters who are just like us—you know,
gender nonconforming femmes.”
And when she said that word—she was so sure.
And I’d never heard it before, and it just clicked.
My biggest source of information was the internet.
It was just googling anything that came to mind—
anything from androgyny,
anything from gender fluidity.
I wrote a Facebook post, and I said,
“I’m still femme, I'm just not a lady.”
I kind of just went on Facebook and was like,
“Hey! Here's what's happening, and going forward, I won't respond to certain things.
And I will remind you when you misgender me.”
My mom is super active on Facebook.
And so she always responds in a really loving way.
One of my really good friends from college,
she just really didn't understand it.
And instead of trying to understand, she just kind of—diminishing the fact
that I was changing my identity.
And I just explained to her, “Hey, when I tell you something about who I am,
it's not up for debate.”
You're probably never going to fundamentally
alter their mindset.
The happy medium, if you will,
is where you can live your life as a queer person,
and then they can live their life.
And you just have to say it,
and to keep saying it until they can
no longer refute it as your truth.
Most people will nod their head,
but with an empty glare.
I actually had a conversation at work
with a co-worker, who is from Amsterdam.
And they don't really have a word for “they” or “them” pronouns.
He said, “You know, I just don't really feel comfortable calling one person ‘they.’
‘They’ is a group of people.”
And I said, “You know, it's not really about how you feel comfortable.
It's about what I feel comfortable with.”
We consistently use “they” and “them”
to identify singular individuals whose gender we just don't know.
Whether it's, “Oh, the doctor called today.”
“Oh yeah, what'd they say?”
Like immediately we know the doctor is one person,
but we don't know if it's a man, or a woman, or something in between, or not at all.
So we just employ the use of “they.”
I think coming out with your sexuality
is great practice for coming out
with your gender identity.
They can understand a lesbian.
Because it's like, “Oh, they have sex with women, and they're a woman.”
But when you say you're genderqueer, people don't understand that.
Because then they're thinking about sexuality. And it’s,
“Well, are you a lesbian then?”
And it's not really about that.
It forces your family to really understand
something that they do not see.
I chose to change my name just because
my given name is very much feminine.
So it did not fit inside of what I had constructed as my identity.
I have a relationship with my given name.
It is representative of who I am.
It's a Muslim name, and it's one of the things
that my father gave me that we have
a really close bond about.
There are still family members who
don't call me by my name.
And so learning how to navigate that on a day to day or a life basis,
you kind of have to learn what to argue about,
what to give, and what to take from.
I think I would've given myself the advice that patience is really important.
And being able to be soft and gentle with yourself is really important.
Because you're the one that's gonna have to be with yourself.
I think that you can be as clear as possible,
as kind as possible, but also don't be afraid to stand your ground
when they push back.
Because your family will always push back and say,
“This is who I remember you being.”
I would just say that know that no matter what happens that you're valid.
The thing that really helped me mature a lot
was also voluntarily doing therapy,
which I had been resistant to for the longest time.
It's important to also just reach out, and not be afraid to talk to people.
Because in my experience,
the trans community has been extremely welcoming.
People have been through your experience, right?
And so, they're also willing to help you move through yours.
People come to how they identify
in their own way at their own time.
And none of it is concrete.
So never feel like it's too late to look for sources, because they're out there.
We're out there. We’re waiting.
We wanna answer your questions.
We wanna hold our arms out and welcome you home.
There's enough people being fake every day.
If you can take off your mask and still look at yourself in the mirror every day,
fuck what everyone else says.
That is a power.