Loveseat
I am not getting rid of my couch!
Joe, it's a biohazard!
I have to put down two towels just to sit on it.
My couch is new and...
It matches your stuff?
Exactly!
Not my stuff.
I'm an adult, I have style.
I shop at Anthropologie.
Okay, that's actually a pretty good store.
Then what is it?
Are you really that upset about losing a couch?
Yes!
And...
And?
Think of all the good times I could still have on it, you know?
Are having thoughts about moving in together?
No.
Yeah, just a little. It's very overwhelming...
Your lease ends tomorrow Joe.
This couch is the last thing we need to get rid of before...
Well...
Us.
Luckily, somebody else wants to buy it and come tomorrow.
How much?
10 dollars.
My landlord told me I can continue living ere if I want, and start a new lease.
I want to do that.
What?
Nothing.
Did you say what I think you've said?
Maybe.
You know what? I...
I have to go.
You know, I can still...
No, just sleep on your own.
Okay.
She's a jerk face.
I'm not giving you up.
Alright, earthquake, make up your mind!
What the...
Yeah, sorry about that.
Just me, buddy!
This is very realistic dream.
Oh, it's been a long time since I've seen you slept.
Lust hurt, but would't know, don't have nerve endings.
I don't believe this is happening.
I don't believe in you.
The brain is very powerful thing.
Okay, what's happening? What's wrong with me?
That's why I'm awake now to show you.
I couldn't sit here and let you to make the biggest mistake of your life!
Alright! How is this possible?
Like you said - I'm magic.
Okay.
Oh, jeez, Joe! What did I kill you? Clean me once in a while.
I smell like your balls.
You sound like someone else that I know, someone else who likes to complain.
Why don't you wanna live with her?
She's the only one who spritzed me, with clean fumes anyway.
I don't know.
I guess, I'm...
I guess, I'm just not ready yet.
To what? Give me up?
To give up everything, you know...
This is all very real now.
The beginning of the end.
The next stop is marriage.
With everything else you mean what?
Other girls?
Yeah!
And...
Freedom.
I wanna show you something.
Put your head in my mouth.
No!
Putting my head in your mouth? You gonna bite my head off!
Another thing you have in common with Ashley.
Okay.
Weird enough as it is. I'll just go with it.
That tongue makes me not wanna do this.
Wow, sorry. First time using this thing so I could talk.
Come on! Trust me!
Okay.
But I'm only doing this cos we've slept together.
Okay, yeah. Now this is how it supposed to look.
This too?
What are my ex-girlfriends doing here?
Why are they smiling?
You know, some of these girls are married now?
Isn't that weird?
You are a magical couch.
First, let me thank you for all things that you did with them on me.
Then bringing them to your other furniture for weather activities.
What?
Don't by shy, girls! Show him your pillows.
Yeah, yeah! Show me your pillows.
Okay, that's not exactly what I was expecting.
This... winning lotto numbers or something?
No, they're the number of days you were together before they left you, ass.
What?
No! I was definitely with that girl longer than 2 days.
Wow! Where did they all go?
This is a dream, so we can, you know... Weather activities.
That is 46 pennies that fell inside me over the years.
Which is more than you worth to them.
Okay, that's a little harsh.
So, anymore money inside?
Mine!
I like how they sparkle.
Come see where they all disappeared to.
Alright.
Alright, Joe. Slide on in. I... I don't know if this thing is...
Okay! There we go.
Alright, hold still and watch.
Sorry, my sinus is really act up this time of year.
Yeah.
Get better.
You never sew her or them again.
What happened with that "day 2" girl?
You sent her 30 texts in an hour.
Oh, yeah.
Well, you've been with Ashley for what?
Almost 2 years.
654 days. Close enough.
Before that do you know what your life consisted of?
I was single.
I partied, I had a great time!
Remember when you borrowed that dog?
Hey, cute dog!
Thanks!
What kind of breed is he?
He is a golden lab.
Which is very old american...
Speaking of all american, there's a cafe round the corner...
Hey! That's my dog!
I lost him last week!
Right!
Yeah, I found him, like, 5 minutes ago.
Yeah, but it looks like he got groomed.
Yeah, I gave him a bath after I found him.
I found the "wanted" poster.
I was trying to help out...
You dropped it. Tiffany's phone number.
Right. I'm gonna keep this.
Okay, I'm gonna go.
Hold on! Hold on! Hold on!
600.
What?
Days single at this point.
Why you're so desperate?
Don't know why you miss those days with me so much.
Take me outta here.
I don't love you anymore.
No, dumb ass.
Okay, okay, okay!
Stop, stop!
You were miserable single, so you wanna see the real reason why you don't wanna see me go?
Sure.
Wonderful. More girls leaving me?
You didn't have to take off work.
I needed a movie day anyway.
And I know how to fix you.
My allergy is suck too.
Because of times with her...
Okay, how do you fix me?
Hate this part, but.. Shot of whisky?
Here's a whole system.
Take a close look at you face right here.
Those goo goo eyes aren't for an old sofa.
Okay.
Ash!
It's disgusting.
Jerk face.
Oh, she just let that in there.
Arts and crafts whisky bottle cap thing, that's adorable!
Take me to see Ashley.
Take me present day right now.
You know what to do.
Alright, let's..
Not so fast! I'm not used to you entering me.
Okay. Enough with the double entendres, okay?
They are not double entendres, Joe! They are sexual innuendos.
You're done?
Yeah.
This is Ashley's place.
Oh, she hates whisky.
You think you are the only one who is afraid of this big change?
Yeah, I guess she needs me.
I gotta step up and be a man.
If you don't...
Well...
Check it.
No, no, no!
She's with the guy with the soul patch! She hates guys with the soul patches!
Sorry, Joe.
No, don't be sorry.
I'm sorry. I gotta give you up tomorrow.
Even though you're magical and the longest relationship I ever had.
Not for long.
At least my successor has what you call - knockers.
Well, I'm gonna miss you, man.
Well, didn't think it was physically possible but I feel it. Pain.
So anything I can do for you? I owe you.
How about one big last cuddle?
I wish you always talked, even though you're, kind of, creepy guy.
Yeah.
Oh, that's the stuff, buddy! That's the stuff!
Speaking of knockers...
Okay.
So, how would finally managed to..?
You know...
Well, I had a very lovely dream about you where I realized that you were the real cushion that props me up.
And I think living together is gonna be great.
I had a dream last night too.
I was living with another guy. He had a soul patch.
Did you drink whisky?
I did. It was all I had.
Yeah.
I fell asleep
I should probably take a shower.
House is in here.
Garbage.
Memories.
Before Joe met his girl he was a lonely looser
I showed him that world so that he would, damn, choose her
Joe did not appreciate her
Know that grass is always greener.
When a break in your heart ain't pushing enough, you need a cushion of love
A cushion of love
Brother, I won't leave you at the whole alone
No way
When commitments make you nauseous
You're meeting your subconscious
Now my job is done. Next chapter's began.
I am the cushion of love.