SCP-1987-J "Bitchin' Solo" Object Class: Euclid
Item #: SCP-1987-J
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: All printed copies or recordings of SCP-1987-J are to
be destroyed, except for a single printed copy to be stored in a locked safe at Site
5150. One six-string electric guitar, of any standard model, is to be made available for
testing purposes. As of ██/██/20██, testing is to be conducted by and on D-class
personnel only. Any people or objects affected by SCP-1987-J are to be examined immediately
after conclusion of test and archived or neutralized as necessary. Female staff members are not
to be exposed to SCP-1987-J's effects under any circumstances.
In the event of a manifestation of SCP-1987-J-1, the D-class responsible for activating SCP-1987-J
is to accept its request. No staff are to interact with SCP-1987-J-1 directly. Test
subject may be reassigned in event of failure; in event of success, Procedure Counter-XK-25R624
is to be enacted immediately.
Mobile Task Force Omega-2112 ("Beaumont Police Department") is to monitor major and independent
music publishers and online music distribution networks for any indication of an independent
rediscovery of SCP-1987-J. In the event of a containment breach, all offending media
is to be removed from public consumption and MTF Omega-2112 is authorized to execute Procedure
Kasem, Procedure Sumner, or Procedure Cobain at O5 discretion.
Description: SCP-1987-J is a sequence of chords intended to be played on an electric guitar,
which produces several anomalous effects when played. SCP-1987-J has been discovered independently
by several individuals since the development of the electric guitar in the 1930s. The earliest
known written copy exists in the form of a hand-written tabulature dated to 1965, with
the note "To J.H. - pretty cool, huh? -L.R." in the margin.
Extensive testing has indicated that any person who is aware of how SCP-1987-J is intended
to sound when played, and has access to an electric guitar and amplifier, is able to
produce SCP-1987-J, regardless of any previously documented ability to play guitar or lack
thereof. Once play begins, anomalous effects begin to occur within the area where SCP-1987-J
is audible after approximately 1.6 seconds, and continue to manifest every 10-30 seconds,
until play ceases or SCP-1987-J-1 manifests. No specific pattern as to the effects produced
by SCP-1987-J-1 has been discerned to date. All effects produced by SCP-1987-J are permanent
and are not reversed by cessation of play or subsequent exposure. Effects documented
as a result of SCP-1987-J include:
Perception by onlookers that the player is unusually physically attractive or charismatic.
Spontaneous lengthening of the player's hair and/or enlargement of genitals.
Apparent age of all females within area of effect changing to approximately eighteen
years, and/or spontaneous manifestation of eight to ten such individuals if no female
subjects are present. (Concurrent transmogrification of subjects' clothes into thong bikinis, lingerie,
or leather fetish gear has occurred in 68% of documented instances - extensive testing
has been authorized to determine where effects are correlated.)
Transformation of late-model automobiles in area of effect to vintage hot rods, muscle
cars, or custom motorcycles. Spontaneous manifestation of large quantities
of distilled alcoholic beverages. Spontaneous manifestation of sparks, pyrotechnics,
or large fans. Immunity of the player to bullets.
Resurrection of the dead, either to their previous state or as "zombies" loyal to the
player. Spontaneous manifestations of "dragons", dinosaurs,
or scantily-clad female "angels" loyal to the player.
Liquefaction of observers' facial features. Spontaneous pregnancy in fertile female subjects.
Spontaneous pregnancy in infertile female subjects.
Spontaneous pregnancy in male subjects. Testing has determined that all above effects
are only produced when SCP-1987-J is performed on an electric guitar. Attempts to produce
SCP-1987-J on acoustic guitar, keyboard, banjo, ukulele, or saxophone have produced a memetic
field which causes all observers to view the player as "uncool" or "a sellout", with extended
test sessions resulting in permanent [REDACTED] testicles.
SCP-1987-J-1 is an entity resembling a Caucasian male of approximately 25 years age, which
to date has manifested on any occasion when performance of SCP-1987-J has passed a collective
total of three minutes, one second in duration. SCP-1987-J-1, which has variously introduced
itself by the names "Count Rockula", "Sir Rocksalot", and "the Lord of the Strings",
will immediately upon manifesting order the player to cease and challenge him or her to
what it describes as an "Epic Rockdown of Rocktimate Rockstiny", which has been observed
to take the form of a "guitar duel" between SCP-1987-J-1 and the player, with the offer
of "Ultimate Rockness" if the player is successful.
The nature of "Ultimate Rockness" has yet to be determined - in all observed instances,
SCP-1987-J-1 has declared itself the winner and demanifested, followed by the player's
spontaneous transformation into an instance of SCP-1987-J-2 - an unattractive male (regardless
of the player's original gender) approximately 45 years of age, wearing the uniform of a
gas station attendant, which identifies itself as "Earl", and claims to be a fan of country
music. All instances of SCP-1987-J-2 have proven unable to produce SCP-1987-J or to
display any degree of skill with the guitar, and have been assigned to the maintenance
of the Foundation's motor pool.
Memo from Dr. Klein: As of ██/██/20██, I am hereby forbidding all staff other than
D-class from conducting tests on SCP-1987-J. To date, thirty-eight researchers at Site
5150 alone have become iterations of SCP-1987-J-2 while attempting to acquire the power of Ultimate
Rockness. Site 1137 is now facing a five-month backlog on critical laboratory work; however,
we possess well in excess of the required automobile maintenance staff, and will have
to resort to assigning the SCP-1987-J-2 instances as D-class due to a lack of work to assign
them. As tempting as Ultimate Rockness may be, we have more important concerns at this
time.