Welcome, guys.
We have a new member today in our group, Gaston.
Oh, Gaston.
Sit next to me.
I want him to sit next to me!
Gaston, no!
Ladies, I'll sit next to both of you.
It's all good.
We're all friends.
Everyone give a nice, not angry welcome to Gaston.
Hi, Gaston.
I used to have anger issues like all of you guys,
but then in the reboot, they made me
a good guy and not a villain, which is always nice.
And they had Angelina Jolie play me,
which is a lovely compliment.
We get it.
But if you ask any mirror in the room, I'm the fairest of them
all.
No, Snow White was.
No, that mirror was broken!
Evil queen, remember, when you're feeling this way,
breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth.
Good.
You're right.
And as a thank you, I brought you an apple.
[RECORD SCRATCH]
You know I'm not going to eat that apple, right?
An apple form a pretty lady.
Don't mind if I do.
No, Gaston!
Don't do it, it will kill you!
It wouldn't kill him.
He just needs to get true love's kiss.
That's easy.
I'll just kiss myself.
Or you can kiss me.
Or he can kiss me.
No he can kiss me.
Or me.
No, he can kiss me!
Ladies, no need to fight.
I'm not going to kiss either of you.
You also smell, so please put your shoes back on.
No, our shoes don't fit.
Why?
Because I'm trying to find a prince,
and they seem to like a very specific shoe size.
That's weird.
One time the prince picked our ugly stepsister
to be his princess because she had a size seven shoe.
He had some strange fantasies.
Do you have any weird fantasies?
Actually I'm currently into--
Gaston!
What?
I was going to say I'm really into fantasy football
leagues, which honestly, not as fun as it sounds.
Because sometimes you have a guy on your team
who you're playing against--
OK, let's get back on track.
Does anybody have any stories that they want to share?
Recently, my ugly stepsister was wearing a dress cuter
than mine.
Hey!
Not you.
Oh.
So anyway, she was wearing a cuter dress,
and I couldn't handle it, so I ripped it up to shreds
so she could never wear it ever again.
Oh yeah, and the other day I went to the shoe store.
I saw these really cute shoes.
I asked for my size, and apparently this girl
got the last pair.
I started having these awful flashbacks.
I blacked out, and now I'm not allowed in the store.
Well I think shoes and feet are overrated.
Did I tell you about the time that I convinced that poor girl
to give me her voice for legs?
And it wasn't funny, was it?
No, it was pretty funny.
I mean, I did the world a favor.
She didn't need her voice anyway.
She was always grammatically incorrect.
I mean, she called a fork a dingle-hopper.
Sounds like my kind of girl.
No, your kind of girl should be strong and intelligent,
and be able to combat your overwhelming sense of self.
Yeah, I went for a girl like that once,
and her boyfriend tried to kill me.
So yeah.
Not really into that any more.
I've had a worse day, Gaston.
Do you remember that girl I was telling you about?
Well her boyfriend shows up, and he's
like, anybody messes with my girl,
I'm going to hit you with my boat.
And he did.
Whoa, and they say we have anger issues?
I know.
If anything, I did him a favor.
I turned a fish into a person--
do you know how hard that was--
so could have a girlfriend.
You're welcome.
I don't have time for this.
I shouldn't even be here.
The only reason why I'm here is because the court sent me
for breaking all those mirrors in Urban Outfitters.
Oh, so that's why you have bad luck with men.
I don't have any problem getting men.
I only have a problem finding loyal mirrors.
Can't relate.
All mirrors are loyal to me.
Wow, you are a textbook narcissist.
I'm not a pharmacist.
Anyway, look at these two nerds.
Ursula, it's not fair for you to speak badly
about other people's thoughts when they're brave enough
to share them with us.
Maleficent, you put a girl into a coma
for not being invited to a party.
That's not fair.
Oh, what do you know about fair?
Hey, I thought I was being fair.
She was being ridiculous.
She wanted a voice and legs.
Do you know how hard it is to make legs?
That's crazy.
You're crazy.
I'm not crazy.
I wasn't talking to you.
Not everything is about you.
Excuse me?
Everything is about me.
I don't even understand what you just said.
OK, everyone.
Now share an experience where you were angry, but handled it
in a calm and collected fashion.
I would like to go.
Well, I was in one of my moods, because it's so difficult
nowadays to find a girl who's willing to cook
and clean and do my clothes and be my servant,
and I just don't understand why women are like this!
Gaston, Gaston.
Calm down.
Here.
Here's a mirror.
I overreacted.
What I was saying is, it's just difficult for someone like me
to live in today's age, when women
aren't just raised to date men.
But how I handled it was I took the father
of the girl that rejected me, and I
got him locked away in an insane asylum.
Why did you send him to an insane asylum?
Seriously?
Have you seen this?
If you think that this face is not perfect for your daughter,
you're crazy.
OK.
There's better ways to handle that,
but I'm glad you didn't yell.
Does anybody else have any stories?
So two weeks ago, I hired a cleaning crew.
They were pretty good.
They were called Seven Dwarfs Housekeeping.
They were actually seven dwarfs.
This one dwarf kept on asking for the cleaning supplies,
and I was getting so annoyed.
So I thought that I would poison him.
But then I stayed calm, and I decided
I would poison their roommate instead.
Does anyone have any situations where they actually handled it
in a calm and collected manner?
OK, I will share one.
So last week, a group of my friends
went out to go to Chuck E. Cheese's together, which
naturally would make me pretty angry,
because they know Chuck E. Cheese's is my favorite place
to be.
But then I breathed in, and I breathed out,
and I reminded myself that Stranger Things season two just
came out anyway, so I probably wouldn't have gone
to Chuck E. Cheese with them.
So I stopped myself from even getting angry.
Good for you.
So what we're learning today is that it
appears all of our anger stems from jealousy.
So we need to learn to love ourselves so we
can avert angry situations.
I'm not jealous of everybody.
Really?
Yeah.
You got mad and tried to kill a girl's boyfriend.
OK, but he wasn't a real boyfriend.
He was an animal.
So you tried to kill her pet because you
thought they were dating?
Precisely.
OK, so as I was saying, we all need to work on that.
So next week's assignment is to find ways to stop yourself
from getting jealous.
And I look forward to hearing all of your stories next week.