[Please keep these captions clean for deaf viewers. Funny extras can be added to the English (Canada) subs. Thank you!]
GOKU: It's OK, Gohan. You're safe.
Now go to sleep; and in the morning, Santa will have brought all of your presents.
And by presents, I mean books.
GOHAN: D... dang it... uhh...
TURLES: Savor this moment, Kakarrot. It will be the last one you ever have with your son!
GOKU: (Gasp)... He knows my Saiyan name!
So you...
So you... must be Vegeta!
TURLES [confused]: Wait, you think I'm--
GOKU: Silly Vegeta! It's not Halloween, it's Christmas!
Take that costume off.
TURLES: I'm not Vegeta. I'm just another Saiyan who escaped the destruction of our planet.
GOKU: Ohhhhh...
'Man, that means he's like... an evil *me*! Only he doesn't have a goatee.'
'I'm gonna imagine one!'
{KLING}
Ssso evil!
TURLES: Hurrrgh...!
[Dramatic sting]
GOKU: Now it's just down to you and me!
TURLES: Yes. Me and you.
Oh, and my five Misfit Minions.
GOKU: But, what about my friends?
SLAY: We all had eggnog and Christmas fudge!
GOKU: Really?!
REESE: Nope! Wasted them like figgy pudding.
GOKU: YOU NEVER WASTE FIGGY PUDDING!
JINGA: UGH! REESE: UGH!
BERU: UGH! S.N.O.W.: Droid.
SLAY: UGH!
GOKU: ...Did I just smash the Krampus?
TURLES: This has gone on long enough!
You don't even understand why I'm here, do you?
GOKU: All I heard was: "Look at me! I hate Christmas, because I'm a big jerk!"
TURLES: And who *wouldn't* be a big jerk after the injustices I suffered?!
On Planet Vegeta, we heard all about all the other planets that Santa would visit.
We'd heard of the joy he brought children,
We'd heard of the joy he brought children, of the presents,
We'd heard of the joy he brought children, of the presents, of the *merriment*...
THAT I WAS *DENIED*!
Planet Vegeta never *got* Christmas.
No, all we got was Freeza Day!
GOKU: Well, what d'ya get for Freeza Day?
TURLES: He blew our PLANET UP!
GOKU: That's sad...
But I still can't let you steal the joy from Earth!
{DING}
TURLES: Hold that thought; tree's done.
GOKU: What?
TURLES: See, these fruit hold all the joy from Earth.
When I eat it, I will gain Earth's joy!
GOKU: Why are you so evil?!
TURLES: Deal with it.
NARRATOR: Turles ate of the fruit, and so they say, his power level grew three sizes that day.
GOKU: 'That's not good...!'
[Goku groans as Turles pummels him]
TURLES: Now, denounce your faith!
GOKU: N... no!
TURLES: Denounce your faith in Santa Claus!
GOKU: NEVER!
TURLES: Well, then... Bah Humbug.
[Goku screams as Turles fires ki attacks at him]
{HISS}
TURLES: Well, now that that's over, time to plan a bitchin' New Year's party!
GOKU: Ugh... ahh... uhh...
'Nooo... Christmas... can't be ruined...!'
Must... summon up... energy...!
???: Goku... it is I, the anointed saint.
The spreader of love and peace.
GOKU: 'Oh, wow! It's...!'
???: Yes, it is I... Santa.
GOKU: (Gasp)
SANTA: You must defeat him, Goku; you are the only one who can.
GOKU: 'But, he's got all of Earth's joy. He's too powerful.'
SANTA: No, Goku. The joy... is within your heart.
GOKU: (Inhales)... you're right!
SANTA: Now kick his ass to the North Pole and back!
GOKU: Yes...Santa!
[Scouter beeps repeatedly]
[Scouter beeps repeatedly] TURLES: What the hell? What is this sudden burst of joy?!
GOKU: This is Christmas, melon farmer!
[Goku hurls Spirit Bomb; Turles screams, Spirit Bomb saves the day]
TURLES: NO...
TURLES: NO... SO...
TURLES: NO... SO... MUCH...
TURLES: NO... SO... MUCH... JOY!
[And he screams some more...]
[Sounds of explosions]
[♫ "Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!" ♫]
MAN [o-s]: Look! It's snowing!
WOMAN: But... it's yellow...!
♫ Oh, the weather outside is frightful ♫
♫ But the fire is so delightful ♫
♫ And since we've no place to go ♫
♫ Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow ♫
GOKU: 'It's too bad that Turles was such a Scrooge; we would have happily shared our Christmas with him.'
SANTA: You know... the sad part is, I always tried to visit Planet Vegeta.
Problem was - they kept trying to shoot down my sleigh.
GOKU: 'Bummer.'
SANTA: Now, I'm off to deliver my presents.
But thank you... for saving Christmas!
GOKU: Anytime, Santa. Bye~!
SANTA: Ho, ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas! Hoooo, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, hooo...!
GOKU: 'Wait a second... if that guy wasn't Vegeta...'
'...where is Vegeta?'
VEGETA: This is so non-canon, it hurts.
GHOST NAPPA: Vegeta~ ...Tonight, you will be haunted by three ghoooosts!
{DING}
And they're all me.
{DING DING}
GHOST OF NAPPA PAST: Hi! GHOST OF NAPPA PRESENT: Hi! GHOST OF NAPPA FUTURE: Hi!
VEGETA: God damn it, I hate Christmas.
[♫ "A Holly Jolly Christmas" ♫]