I'm gonna try to do everything by myself today.
This should be fine.
As long as everybody does what they are supposed to do!
Right?
Oh no...
Got four minutes to get Rosco to the vet, so I love you kids get out, get out!
Oh my god!
Emergency PTA meeting today at five o'clock, will we see you there?
I'll totally get a sitter on a Tuesday night...
-Yes you can, you actually can!
What do I have on the schedule today?
You're super late for your marketing meeting.
You have to tell me these things!
I can't believe I'm gonna be late for my first soccer practice.
I'm sorry. Okay? I'm trying.
Well try harder, dude!
Good job.
Good boy.
The bake sale.
No BPA.
No MSG.
No BHA, no BHT.
No sesame, no soy, and of course no nuts or eggs or milk or butter or salt or sugar or wheat.
No.
What's that now?
I'm so tired of trying to be this perfect mom...
I'm done.
You said everything I've ever felt about being a mom but couldn't say.
There are so many rules now...
Don't punish your kids.
Don't say no to your kids.
We all work too damn hard trying to make our kids' lives amazing and magical.
Their lives already are amazing and magical.
Let's be bad moms.
Oh amen!
To bad moms!
Cindy!
🎵Nicki Minaj's 'Hey Mama'
We have to bring down the perfect moms.
Are those store-bought doughnut holes, Cindy?
Um...
I am going to destroy you.
I say we go punch that chick right in the tits.
-Great. -I'm in!
🎵Nicki Minaj's 'Hey Mama'
I made out with so many women tonight...
Guys... I really like whip-its!
Is that your mom bra?
-Looks like you have one long boob. - Uniboob.
This is my sexy bra!
-Looks like you wrapped an ACE bandage around yourself like three times. - Yeah, I don't even want to touch it.
That's like an eye mask, like you put it in the fridge.
You got a very Boys Don't Cry thing happening right now.