[Dr. Marks] Self-care is one of those things
that we hear is a good thing,
but it usually takes a backseat when we get busy.
But what is self-care?
It's more than getting spa treatments
or taking baths by candlelight.
Today, I'm going to give you a few things that you can do
to address your self-care.
I'm Dr. Tracy Marks, a psychiatrist
and I make mental health education videos.
Self-care is the act of taking steps to maintain
or improve your physical, emotional,
and mental wellbeing.
The effort requires an ongoing commitment.
Self-care isn't self-centered or selfish.
It's essential.
Examples of physical self-care are attending
regular medical checkups, getting adequate sleep,
exercising regularly,
and eating balanced meals.
But then there are things that you can do
to improve your mental wellbeing.
Here are some things that you can do to focus
on your mental and emotional self-care.
A big intervention is establishing healthy boundaries.
There are many ways to do this.
You can start by saying no without guilt,
prioritizing your needs,
creating personal space,
and communicating effectively.
Here's how you can do this.
Step one is to identify your boundaries.
Take some time to reflect
on what makes you feel uncomfortable, stressed,
or feel exploited.
These feelings often indicate the areas
where you need to set boundaries.
The next step is to say no to things that don't serve you
or things that you are doing out of guilt or obligation.
Sometimes it's necessary to do things
that you don't want to do
for the sake of helping someone else,
but do you mostly set aside your needs
in favor of someone else's request?
Practice saying no without thinking
about disappointing the other person.
People don't want to hear no,
but you can't make everyone happy.
Also, practicing no without needing to explain
or justify why you're saying no.
You don't need to get the person's approval
that the other thing that you're choosing to do
is legitimate or more important.
It's not for them to decide that
and then let you off the hook.
So, for example, if a friend asks you to help with something
and you're already feeling busy or overwhelmed,
instead of saying-
- [Cartoon Voice] "I'm sorry, I really can't.
I've got all these other things to do
and people are counting on me to get it done
and I can't afford to stay up late another night working
on something else."
- [Tracey] No, they don't need to hear all that.
Instead, you can say something like-
- [Cartoon Voice] "I understand you need help,
but I can't assist you right now."
- [Tracey] Another step towards setting boundaries
is to identify which needs are a priority for you,
and let go of the ones that are not.
Make a list of your non-negotiables and stick to them
regardless of the external pressures.
The fourth step in setting boundaries
is creating a personal space.
Establish a physical space and mental space
where you can recharge.
This could be a specific room in your house
or a period of your day dedicated
to self-care activities like reading, meditating,
or simply relaxing.
The last step in setting boundaries
is to communicate clearly,
express your needs respectfully and assertively.
For example, let's say you have a couple of hours
of downtime in the evening,
and you're looking forward
to catching up on a couple of episodes
of your favorite show.
You notice you have a voicemail
from a friend asking you to please call
because they have a couple of things
they want your opinion on.
You know based on this friend,
or it could be a relative that whenever you talk
it's at least an hour on the phone
and that's when you're just chitchatting.
If they have an issue to discuss
it's probably going to be an hour and a half or more
when you get off the phone
and you won't have time to do anything else,
but go to bed;
irritated because you didn't get a chance to relax.
So what do you do?
You can ignore the voicemail,
act like you didn't get it,
and apologize tomorrow when they call you again.
That's the passive avoidant approach.
It may work in the short term,
but it's just kicking the can down the road.
This person still needs to know that your downtime
in the evenings is a necessary part of your day
and you aren't going to let yourself be available
during that time.
So instead of ignoring the call
you could text them back saying something like-
- [Cartoon Voice] "I'd like to talk to you,
but I'm not available right now.
I'll check in with you another time.
I hope all is well."
- Now, you may be thinking,
"Texting is not exactly direct and assertive.
You're still avoiding talking to the person."
True.
But in the interest of saving your time
you're responding to them in a timely manner
without the risk of getting caught on the phone.
If the person really wants to talk to you
if you call just to say-
- [Cartoon Voice] "I'm relaxing right now,
I'll talk to you another time."
- They may respond with,
"Oh, okay, but let me just ask you this one quick thing."
Then there you go.
Then you either have to be more firm and say-
- [Cartoon Voice] "No, I'm not talking to you."
- And then risk hurting their feelings.
Or you'll have to suck it up
and engage in the call that you didn't want to have
in the last hour of your evening.
So in this case, the texting is a compromise.
You're responding to their request quickly
with a no, not now.
Now setting boundaries focuses on your wellbeing
by respecting limits that you set for yourself
and hold others to.
Sometimes self-care involves connecting with people.
This can be spending time with loved ones
or engaging in social activities.
The isolation of the pandemic had a huge impact
on our mental health for many reasons.
But one of those is the social isolation.
Even if you don't like being in groups
let's say you have social anxiety,
most people still need connection with another being.
That being could be your pet.
But we innately need interaction
with something that is living.
Some people need more interaction than others,
but even the most introverted person who loses energy
from too much interaction still needs
some amount of interaction.
So setting aside time to connect with someone
or something that values your company is another important
and often overlooked way to take care of your needs.
Then a couple of other activities that you can do
to attend to your emotional needs
are engaging in hobbies or journaling.
Having a hobby is often a rescue
for people who hate their job.
Having a purpose outside of a job that you hate
or a job that you enjoy,
but is super draining is something
that can keep you motivated to get through the days
because you've got something else that gives you pleasure.
If you don't have something you enjoy,
now is the time to experiment with different things
to find something outside
of your life obligations that gives you joy
and makes life feel more meaningful.
Then journaling is something that can help you
be more introspective.
You can use it to document certain experiences,
problem solve,
or just as an experience
in and of itself to help you sit
with your emotions and process them.
So self-care isn't just about pampering yourself
although that can be a part of it.
It's about maintaining a balanced life and ensuring
that you are at your best,
not just for yourself,
but also for the people and responsibilities
that you care about.
If you really struggle to set boundaries
and even find yourself having trouble separating
what you think and feel from what others think and feel,
watch this video on being an emotional sponge.
Thanks for watching today.
See you next time.