- That is a bad rumor, but the biggest thing—it’s a rumor
-Ugh! Grrr!
I looked like a wimp last week
so I'm gonna grind my teeth this week!
-You know, I once beat up Ray Lewis
-What? Yeah, I mean— -That’s another story I could tell
♪♪
-What is up?
And welcome back to "Simms & Lefkoe"
Headed into Week 4
Week 3 is in the books!
And Monday night, I thought, "Oh, no
The end of Ryan Fitzpatrick has come”
Second half, almost wins the game
Where are you on the Ryan Fitzpatrick
“It's over/He’s still going" meter?
-I'm over talking about it on a weekly basis already
I know that. Like, we're, like, every week
Hey, he had a rough first half
against a desperate Steeler team
but battled back and made some big-time plays
-Still his team? -Definitely still his team
What's more annoying about the “Monday Night Football” game is
that game should have been over about a quarter before it was
but we are not allowed to blow in the ear
of quarterbacks anymore, and those are penalties
-But you're a quarterback, Chris Simms!
-I don't care. I'm old-school, and they need to hit them.
Hit them hard -I don't want anyone to hit
Ryan Fitzpatrick after I saw him doing this
-Pure, unadulterated joy
This is after the Mike Evans touchdown
Now, Fitzpatrick, he did get sacked a few times last night
We got to see his sack face
And we had everyone reach out, and, boy
did we get a lot of yours -Right
-Of their quarterbacks getting sacked in Week 3
And we wanna take people into the minds of the quarterbacks
as they get sacked, so you go first
-Oh, Eli!
"Ugh! Grrr!
I looked like a wimp last week
so I'm gonna grind my teeth this week!
I can take a shot from the gut from J.J. Watt!
Ahhh, tough Eli memes this week!
Grrr!"
-Alex Smith -"Um, Cali, bro!
Look at how my hand's ridin' the wave of this football, man
Super loose, super chill, super cool"
Do your favorite quarterback here
-Oh, my favorite quarterback. "Hi, I'm Aaron Rodgers
So, uh, I’ve been carrying this team for 10 years
Let me just carry the Redskins along with me
I hope this guy throws me down like a rag doll
and then they won't call it
but they'll call it on my guy later on, Clay Matthews
when he makes a perfect form tackle”
-All right, I got Andrew Luck
"Dearest Rebecca, I ask you to remember me
not for this sack, but for my career as a whole
Signing off— Your captain, Andrew Luck"
Oh, look who it is, Simms
-Oh, look who it is
-Getting a shot to Peppers right in the old gut
-"Oh, oh, please, Julius, don't hit me in the spleen!
It's already losing blood at this point
Hit me a little lower than the spleen
It won't hurt
Oh, I'm still tough and losing blood
and dying on the field, but I'm playing!
Now, I’m—Gosh, I might have to retire early
and go work with some idiot named Lefkoe at one point"
-Wait, so you're telling me
that the game that we chose for your sack face…
-I am truly— -…that was the spleen game?
And that's after you lost your spleen?
-Well, I didn’t— -Well, busted your spleen -I mean, it's being destructed
as we were watching it right there
It's bleeding internally
But it just shows you how tough I am
Look, losing blood—I don't even make a wimpy face.
I'm just like, “Grrr! Losing blood, dying—doesn't matter!"
-See, that's why you're OK with the roughing the passer
You're able to look at your stuff
you're a true self-scout, and I'm really proud of you
-Thank you for being proud
-But I think we need to do some self-scouting -OK
-I want some more analysis -Sure
-It's what separates us as analysts
We're OK admitting when we're wrong
Jared Goff -Yeah
-You were questioning his abilities
questioning his talent
Look, even our fans upset with you
"Keep the Rams out of your mouth
Gurley was a one-hit wonder. STFU," all that stuff.
But a lot of Rams fans have come at you
and your criticism of Goff
-OK -Self-scout yourself
-Yeah, well, I mean, Goff
I think what I said early on is what he was
The fact that I would—
Do I wanna say he's a system quarterback early on?
Hey, he was the No. 1 pick of the draft
and he had to be massaged a little bit
his first year or two, OK?
-How about now, though? -But right now?
Yes, I mean, we're seeing a new Jared Goff
We're seeing a guy that is not actually managing
the offense or McVay’s making things so easy for him
What I've seen in the first three games from Jared Goff is
actually a guy that I'm going, "Wow, gettin’ outta the pocket
makin’ big-time throws on the run
Wow, throwin’ 101 mph fastballs and painting
the corner into a tight window to a receiver," or
“Wow, a bomb throw down the field, right on the money"
So, those are things that I didn't see
I thought the offense and the talent around him
early on was more carrying him than the other way around
but we're seeing a guy that's coming into his own
right in front of us, and I got no problem with that
I'm not gonna STFU, but FU to Brandon McIntosh -[Laughing]
-I hear that you have a self-scout for me
-[Laughing] This is gonna be more fun
Have you seen Lefkoe's Locks lately?
Let's self-scout that!
-Why? -Cuz they're horrible!
-What's so wrong with them? -You're 0-8!
-So, the last two weeks, I'm 0-8
It's my job to pick games -Right
-It's their job to decide what to do with my picks
-Ohhh -If they would've bet against me
all four games in a $100 parlay, you know how much money
they'd have? -Right
-Nearly $1,500
If they did it for two weeks
you know how much money they'd have?
Nearly $25,000
-Man, I’m still thinking about 0-8. I can't even—
-Yeah, well, guess what?
Michelangelo didn't paint the Sistine Chapel
cuz he thought he was more of a sculptor
-Huh -I thought I was a winner-picker
I'm not. I'm a Lefkoe Loser Locker, OK?
So use my information correctly
and maybe you would've made some money
This is not a "me" issue, it's a "them" issue, Simms
-Oh, I gotcha
You're such a diva wide receiver -Yes
It's disgusting. “He's open every play, Coach.
Throw it to him. It's never his fault.”
-I have a story from another diva wide receiver
Little Chad Johnson -Oooh
-Where he claims that he almost beat up Ray Lewis
Almost
-Yeah, right -Almost
-Good luck, Chad
-You know, I almost beat up Ray Lewis
-What? Yeah, I mean— -Another story I could tell
-I like the way you say "almost"
-"Almost" is the key phrase -You “almost" beat nobody
-Because, listen, Ray and I are very good friends
similar to how T.O. and I are
So, we're playing the Ravens. We're in Baltimore.
Ray and I talked before the game
We did our ritual that we always do
We always met at the 50, and we’d say a short prayer
In the game, at some point
there was a slant that was thrown too high
He hit me, and the safety hit me at the same time in a sandwich
-Yeah -My helmet went flying -Right
-And I jumped up, and I ran at Ray like we was gonna fight
Obviously, I wasn’t gonna hit him during the game
cuz I didn't wanna get thrown out
-Right -But where could I catch Ray?
In the locker room
-After the game -After the game
-What? -So, what do I do?
I put on my tight jeans cuz, you know, all my clothes are tight
-Right -Tie up my shoes real tight
and I go towards the Ravens locker room
I ask Ed [Reed], "Where's Ray?" And I just wanna talk.
Man, Ray had went out the back door
and he already headin’ to the car
So I go out to the parking lot
and he pullin’ off, and I'm runnin’ after Ray's car
-You got a shirt on now and everything?
-No shirt. I'm runnin’ after Ray’s car.
I'm like, "Yo!" -Yeah
-And I know he can see me in the rearview mirror
cuz at that time, you know, I had a little size on me -[Laughing]
-I can barely see him now -I don't think Ray really wanted that beef
You know, cuz I'm a boxer. I box.
-Yeah -You know?
And I think he understood and knows about my hands
-[Laughing] -And, therefore, he didn't wanna
get shown up, and Ed Reed really saved Ray
by holding me up -Giving a little more time to get away
-To get to his car. That's what happened.
-Ray, you see how close you were to gettin’ your ass beat
by Ochocinco?
-Almost
-Yeah, Chad, almost
All right, we have three-time Pro Bowler DeMarco Murray
in the house
DeMarco, we want to play a game that we call "Depth Chart"
I'm gonna give you three names and a scenario
and you have to tell me which one you're going to start
which one is the backup and which one is in street clothes
-OK -So the first scenario is this
A baby is falling out of a window
Which of these running backs do you trust the most to catch it?
Start, backup, healthy scratch
Darren Sproles, David Johnson, Le'Veon Bell
-Hopefully it's not my baby, but, uh…
[Laughing]
I would say Sproles
-OK -Because he's a little softer
he's a smaller guy, and he won't hurt the baby
when he catches the baby
-I agree with that. It's gonna be a soft landing.
-It's gonna be a soft landing.
I would say David Johnson is my backup
-Yeah, I don't trust Le'Veon Bell catching my baby
Not at this point -Le'Veon Bell, he may be rapping or doing something
He may be—his mind may be elsewhere
and let the baby fall and splat
-He might be like, “I’ll catch this baby if I get a new contract”
-He might be like, “Hold on, hold on, my agent's calling. Hold on."
-He may be elsewhere mentally. Mentally, he may be elsewhere.
-All right. Your Uber didn't show up.
You need someone reliable to pick you up
Who do you call?
Jason Witten, Delanie Walker, Zach Ertz
-Hmmm, that's a good choice there
-Tight ends are reliable -That’s tough -They are reliable
I mean, I gotta go with my man Witt
I mean, Witt is always on time. He's never late.
-Yes -Every time he's told me
he'll be somewhere, he's there
I would say Zach Ertz…
Delanie's a little different now
Delanie, you know, Delanie may be
“Yeah, you know, I gotta talk to this girl"
He has this voice -[Laughing]
-If you know Delanie, he has this voice
Like, "Yeah, man, I got caught up"
You know, he has this voice
I can’t, I can't imitate -He might be doing something
-He may be doing something else
-He's gonna B.S. you and be late
-He's hilarious, yeah
So you got Witten as the start
Ertz as the backup
and then Delanie is the street clothes
-Yeah -And you know Witten
He's like Johnny Perfect over there, right?
-He might give me a lesson
-Yeah, but it's always a lesson that you can take, you know?
Always, you know, maybe a little ass-rippin’, but it's something
that you can take, you know, and use it in your life
-You guys take coaching well
-Well, I wouldn't
What I'd be more worried about with Witten is be, like
he’s just a wimpy driver and we don't get anywhere in time
It's like, "Oh, it's a yellow!” -“Go ahead, go ahead”
-“I gotta stop. It's a yellow light, everybody.”
No, go!
-All right, I got one more for you
Music, DeMarco Murray: start, bench, street clothes
Who would you like to control the aux cord at a house party?
Fletcher Cox, Marcus Mariota, Dez Bryant
-Why can't we just say radio?
Like, what the hell's an aux cord?
-Well, because you want to have your own music there
-Yes -I have my own playlist -Like you're gonna rely on Z100 “Hot Pops”
-OK, so, well, why can’t we say DJ?
Who can be the DJ?
-Because the kids are saying aux cord
-Yeah, DJ’s more formal
-It’s my party? -We're canceling out Mariota right now, OK?
I'm just gonna say that
-I don't know. You don't know that.
What kind of music would Marcus Mariota play?
-You know, he likes the island music
which was great, you know, unless, you know, you're like
"Aw, damn. It's a Wednesday practice.
I'm not in the mood." Then I hear this song.
-Right -I’m like...
-Right -Yeah, I hear you
-I would say Dez
Dez will probably have the aux cord
Dez, he'll mix it up, and he's able to take some advice
So if I say, "Hey, Dez, put this song on"
-He’d be like, "I like that"
-"I gotcha, I gotcha"
-So you're telling us Dez is coachable
-Dez is very coachable
-That’s good to hear -He's very coachable
-That’s a bad rumor that's out there -That is a bad rumor
But the biggest thing—it's a rumor
-Thanks, man -Pleasure -Likewise
Definitely, it was fun. It was fun.
-This is DeAngelo Hall
and you're watching "Simms & Lefkoe"
-Hello, and welcome back to "Simms & Lefkoe"
We're not all fun
Sometimes we're investigation
and we have something brewing in New England
You're very well aware of all their scandals
Deflategate, Spygate—mired in controversy
The latest: Is this the end of the Patriots dynasty?
For a little bit more insight, I’ve brought in our NFL informant
We have, of course, had to cast him in shadow
We are modulating your voice, sir
You are a true Patriot
Thank you so much for joining us
-No problem. Thanks for having me.
-Of course, of course
I want to establish a little bit of your credentials here
You did work with the Patriots, and you were able to witness
coach Bill Belichick on a regular basis
-I did
I got to see the inner workings of the New England Patriots
how they approached things on a daily basis
and certainly observed the greatest NFL head coach
in the history of the sport
-You've seen the way he starts his day
You've seen the way that he goes about his day
What kind of a man is Bill Belichick?
-Well, he is just an absolute grinder
That's what he is
He is detailed, focused, on a daily basis
It never changes
You see those news conferences
That's not an act. That's who he is.
-Would you say that Coach Belichick had any vices?
-Well, everybody has their vices
But the one that was concerning to me was the salt water taffy
-Excuse me -Yes?
-Salt water taffy? -Yes
Bill Belichick is a sucker for salt water taffy
specifically from a very well-known place
at the Jersey Shore called Shriver's
He loves it -Is this Shriver's in Ocean City, New Jersey?
-Exactly
-How would he obtain this salt water taffy?
-That I don't know
I'm not sure how he obtains it
I'm not sure if somebody ships it to him
or whoever it may be
but always had a big bucket of Shriver's Salt Water Taffy
-How often would you see him consuming this salt water taffy?
-There would be times where I'd see one or two in his hand
maybe a few in his pocket, where he'd be walking around
But the amount consumed on a daily basis?
Hard for me to tell
-Sir, would you say that you noticed more
of the salt water taffy consumption
beginning, middle, end of the season?
-Certainly the beginning of the season
Almost a training camp snack or treat
-So you're saying that earlier in the year
he is consumed with sugar
He is tantalized by treats -Yes
-He is worn down by the wondrous snacks of the Jersey Shore
And that, possibly—not your words, my words
Mr. Informant—he could possibly be
so consumed with confectioners’ sugar that he's unable
to process a game plan?
-I think that's a fair assessment
-And as the bucket of taffy goes down, the wins pile up
Fret not, Patriots fans, the taffy will soon be gone
Mr. Informant, you are a Patriot
you are an absolute prized possession
of the "Simms & Lefkoe" show
and I thank you for your service
-Thank you for having me -Of course
I'm blown away
He looked me in the eye, and the connection between taffy
and Belichick makes sense to me
-I don't know. You know, who is this guy?
I question it. I mean, put a face to it.
That's what I would say. Come out and say it.
You're hiding behind, what? Some dark lighting?
I don't get that
I don't know if I trust this guy
-I do a lot
-Hey, guys, how you doin’? Allie here.
Allie's Newsstand
I just wanted to wish you guys the best of luck moving forward
I hope that you guys make better bets than I did last week
I know I fell short
But you know, I'm still 2-for-3.
So if you need any more picks
make sure you come and see me, 57th and Broadway
-Allie, Allie, Allie!
I thought you had it
Everyone here at "Simms & Lefkoe" was rooting
for you, and in came Baker Mayfield
Dude, I even had these T-shirts made
I'm really sorry. But I got $250.
I got another Thursday night game
and I need another New Yorker to pick my team
It's what we call "Somebody & Lefkoe"
The quest to find New York's best random bettor continues
I'm here with Ira Freehof
You run this joint, Cookshop
-Yes -Yes
-But now, I'm looking to be the new Oracle
-Oooh
-That's what I'm looking for now
-Was that a message to Simms? -It was
Chris -Watch your back, Chris!
So, you have quite the matchup, “Thursday Night Football”
-A great game -Great game
Minnesota loses in embarrassing fashion to Buffalo
Now they head to the Rams, who was just crushin’ the Chargers
Rams are favored by 6.5
-And that's what I think about the NFL—it's so crazy
When you think you've got it figured out, you don't
-I definitely don't
-As you said, the Rams look unstoppable
The Vikings played terribly against the Bills
But I'm thinking maybe they were looking ahead
-Ahhh
-They certainly wanna make up for that
-Yes -They're 5-0, straight up
and against the spread in the last five games
against the Rams
-We might have ourselves a shark
-And for those reasons, I like the Vikings
to keep it close, if not win outright
The Vikings, plus-6.5
are my pick -Wow
Even though the home team's won every “Thursday Night Football”
thus far? -Even though
Again, when you think you've got it figured out?
Nope, you don't
-I thought I had you figured out
-I'm going against Ira -Oh, surprise
Cuz I wanna go against Ira
I don't like Ira
I like him, but I don't want to go with him, OK?
And I have questions about the Vikings, OK?
-You trust the Rams -I trust the Rams
They're the best team in football
They're steamrollin’ everybody
We had questions about the Vikings
going into the Bills game -Yes
-They lay an egg
What's the deal with Everson Griffen?
It's Thursday night, and they're the road team
-Yes -I’m going Rams and McVay
-Football-wise, Vikings interior O-line’s a little weak
Donald, Suh—big trouble -Uh-oh
-Little China
-Simms, everyone's questioning
my Lefkoe Locks -Yes, me too
-I've gone 0-8 the last two weeks
It's been well-documented
So this weekend, #EmbraceTheMush is the hashtag -I’ll embrace you
-So whenever you see my picks, go against it
with your bookie, your fantasy team, your survivor pool
Show me on social that you're taking the opposite
of my bets, and #EmbraceTheMush
-I hope you go 4-0 this week
-Thanks, bro -Thanks, buddy
-For Simms -Peace out, homies
-I'm Lefkoe
We will holla, holla, holla atcha later
Enjoy the games this Sunday
How would he procure such salt water taffy?
-I don't know what "procure" means
so you'll have to explain that to me
[Laughing]
-How did he obtain this salt water taffy?
-[Laughing]
-It's OK
It's a serious subject, sometimes filled with laughter
[Laughing]