hey Lindsay how's it going it's going great Michelle what's going on in your world today
what's happening oh I just I don't know I feel like I've been watching a lot of really good
fun stuff funny funny shows I've been watching uh Ted lasso do you watch Ted lasso oh you're a
big fan of that I remember you talked about is that still on that's so funny yeah the
new new season just came out so I'm enjoying that so I really I really like that show so
um today we're going to be talking about you know understanding jokes um because we have a
great listener question Lindsay do you ever not get the joke and oh yeah you're not sure what to
do oh yeah it happens a little bit for me um I get embarrassed when I don't get the joke I try
to hide I feel like what's wrong with me uh why didn't I get it yeah what about you do you like
just kind of giggle along or do do you act like you get I usually just giggle along I mean yeah I
don't want to be the one who's like I don't get it right right right right right right so exactly but
then it's like awkward if it's something that you aren't supposed to understand and the other people
know that you know what I mean like if it was like something yeah you're just kind of laughing yeah
right right right for sure well my problem is you know people when people use a lot of references
like media references I'll miss that right because I'm not always up to date on all the TV shows yeah
um yeah so it can it can be it can be uncomfortable so today we're going to
answer a listener question about this is a really great question a really important uh skill to have
yes absolutely especially in another language right in your you know second third fourth
language English uh yeah it can be double double trouble especially stressful right because is it
the language that caused us to not understand is it just the joke right so I'm gonna go ahead and
read The Listener question here okay are you ready all right so listener says hello Lindsay
Michelle Jessica and Aubry my name is Asami and I've been a listener of aller's English
for five years wow oh my gosh thank you thanks for listening that's totally awesome Michelle
it's totally awesome thank you Asami I recently listened to episode 1892 which is about why
English inside jokes can build or break the connection I could relate to it in a lot of
ways uh when I was in Canada I had opportunity an opportunity to hang out with local people
but then I often found myself feeling excluded because they were talking about inside jokes and
laughing yeah since there were many of uh so many of these jokes and I didn't want to kill their fun
I didn't ask anything and I and I fake laughed right we've all done that right yes it would be
great if you could make an episode about what I could do or say in this situation where I'm the
one who doesn't understand the content of the joke love you guys thank you Asami oh what an awesome
lifetime listener that's amazing oh I love it and yeah I I know I think we could all identify with
Asami and even even if it isn't a language thing I think yeah like just so you know what's happening
you're not alone uh I've I've been there Lindsay's been there it's not I mean certainly it's uh the
language thing is one aspect but there are also just times when you don't get the joke I mean
you know do you ever hang out with uh you know a group of friends maybe they know each other from
a certain situation and they start making jokes about that and then they they're you don't want
to ruin the fun because they're it's fun for them but you have no idea what they're talking
about so it's very awkward we're all we've all been there it's very awkward yeah for sure yes I
think yeah I remember being at a party because Boston is a place where a lot of times people
uh you do find groups hanging out with people from high school right that they had they just
they never left Boston and they're still connected to their High School crowd I found myself at a
birthday party that turned out to be everyone that went to high school together and it's and I was
just I was bored and as soon as the yearbook came out I went home I was like I'm going home they're
breaking up your book this is not where I belong yeah but you know that's the minority situation
right most of the time you don't want to have to go home you want to do something here right so
what can we do Michelle what can we do right well guys so listen to that episode Asami was referring
to episode 1892 just once more with why English inside jokes can build or break the connection
so listen to that one and as well we have episode 1545 which is how to understand a fast and funny
story in English so that's another good one um and yeah Lindsay we want to remind our listeners that
today's episode is on YouTube so you can go over on and watch us on YouTube I'm making a funny face
right now one you'll never see it if you're not on YouTube yeah okay sometimes YouTube is a fun place
to check out our episodes guys if you're more of a YouTube person consume all ours English on YouTube
all of our episodes are on there and most of them are now on video okay so check it out go to
YouTube type in all ears English that is right all right so Lindsay so what if people are talking and
you don't get the joke so what can you do so oh yeah so we're going to talk about two basic things
here um I think the first thing is you decide if you want to put the effort in is it something that
you know and you know if I think if it's something from their childhood something that they all know
about I'm not sure that it's worth putting in the effort although it might be it might be
um but if it's something maybe culturally or just language that you understand maybe you
say okay I do I just want to be honest you know it really depends you have to make that decision
do you want to take a second and if they're really going on about something just go to the bathroom
at that moment or do you want to admit that you don't understand that you would like to
exactly there's a calculation that has to happen for all of us here in this moment you know
um how much like how important are these people in your life like are you just at a party just
passing maybe not going to connect with anyone after then yeah you know maybe it doesn't matter
but if these people are going to be maybe you're meeting the friends of your fiance for example
and this is a core they all went to school together or they all work together it's very
important you're going to hear this come up again and again maybe not at this moment but there will
be a time one of these parties where you want to try to start to understand some context of
their history together yes yeah so you that's a really good point Lindsay so really decide make
this decision is it worth it do you want to put this effort in and if the second step is if you
if the answer is yes time to say something and that's what we're gonna that's what we're gonna
be work working on and you know I mean you know if it's if it's not worth it though you can always if
everybody's laughing you can always just make a joke like ah I don't get it but okay you know you
can just make a joke like that or you can just ignore it yeah or you can always I mean I'm I'm
envisioning a party context where there's multiple groups standing around and talking so you could
always just move to another group not an offensive way just kind of you know people are always moving
in and out but if it's just one of those parties where it's maybe 10 people everyone's in a big
circle together that becomes a little harder to move out of the group right yeah yeah for sure
okay all right Michelle so if the answer is yes and we do want to engage what can we say let's
get some language going here all right so here we go you can just be honest be direct I don't
get the joke can you explain it to me yeah for sure I I think it's good to be honest you know it
endears you to people they want to help you they might like sit next to you and kind of help you
out kind of be your translator not literally your translator but your tran your cultural translator
in a sense of these people have a culture and you've just heard an inside joke and you need
the reference that they were College roommates right right right right right or maybe it's a TV
show they're talking about maybe they're talking about the latest episode of Ted lasso and then
you know you're like oh I want to hear you know um or what's something else you could say okay wait
what do you mean by that I'm trying to understand jokes more in conversations let me know right so
so you you know there's something disarming and confidence building for you when you say I'm I'm
working on this this is a goal of mine right right exactly so if it is you know a language situation
um you know or just like a show you know just say like you know I I'm trying to understand more I'm
trying to learn yeah for sure I mean I would say use your judgment um do it once or twice
if there's let's say if there's ten things that are said 10 jokes that you don't understand do
this once or twice not for everything no not right that's a very good point you know that's a very
good point really choose the things that you find the most interesting and also because otherwise
it's it's overwhelming to the people and it's also overwhelming to you like you don't want to have
like 10 new jokes that you have to figure out like yeah right right right and you want to have that
connection you want to be invited back so it's about making good choices here I think and then
you know using your other connection skills guys to start other conversations maybe the whole group
is telling a joke or telling a story but then maybe you strike up a conversation on the side
with someone next to you I was just gonna say that I was just or you know or just tell them you know
like hey you mind like explaining that joke to me I heard earlier you know you know just use that
as an opportunity maybe it's just an extra nice person who would take a second with you sure sure
I love it I love it and what would be the next one something else here so so this is about like
references so if somebody's like making a joke and you can you can kind of tell if it might be from
something they're quoting things and laughing or or they might say oh and that was so funny on that
show you might say is that from uh right like is that from a movie is that from a TV show is that
from a song right just like ask what that's from I know this is where I tend to get into trouble
not getting those references like I said before and then if it's a matter of maybe they're just
saying it quickly and you could get it because maybe you have the cultural knowledge can you
slow down a bit I want to understand the joke okay and again be selective with this right maybe once
in an evening not every time not every time not every time just focus on the connection if you
don't understand it don't get don't get too upset you know you you you could even if it seems like
a reference you could even write it down and look it up like you could give it a try you never know
yeah for sure I love that so should we do a role play here do we have something yes we do
we do it's a little tricky to do because it's where it's it's just the two of us
um but I I tried to write in an away so we could give it a try okay so all right here so when you
start out Lindsay you're talking to another friend okay all right oh that's so funny how you doing
uh is is that from a movie oh no oh no it's from a TV show it's from friends oh I need to watch
that more oh Michelle I would never say that about friends except Lindsay you gotta say how you doing
oh oh oh I didn't do the joy triani thing oh sorry oh I should have given me that you should
have had that role I'm sorry I'm sorry um how you doing yeah so yeah if it's just like a joke and
everybody's laughing you could say oh is that from a movie you know just ask and um yes I love that
I love that and that can bring about connection more actually that like you know if they say the
TV show and then you could say oh I want to watch that more like and then yeah they might
get excited and talk to you about it so it might bring up other conversations it might be helpful
yeah so I think that um the key here is there's two there's two like inside joke scenarios when
people have shared experiences that's a lot harder to get into and that might be where we
step back and we try to start side conversations or drive the conversation somewhere else but when
it's a cultural reference that's an opportunity we should be trying to consume as much as we can
write Reading Writing uh you know reading books reading novels reading the newspaper watching
popular series so we can we have the capability of getting in there with that kind of thing you can't
be someone's college roommate right you can't go back true true so let's do another role play so
here we go this is kind of that scenario Lindsay's talking about so okay so and when we start this
off I'm talking to someone else okay yeah all right okay here we go oh my gosh remember Mr
Paul and the frogs oh I don't get I don't get it but okay ah it's just some silly joke from high
school yeah and you know what the the truth here is is that I think people with good social skills
are usually not gonna go too much into their personal experiences as college sophomores when
there are other people at the party or they're gonna do it a little and then they're gonna
translate for you they're gonna say oh they were College roommates or someone on the side is going
to tell you right I I think so I think people are nice and we'll try and get you involved yeah yeah
and if you find yourself at parties where people are always talking about their high school or
college experiences and you're like in your 30s um maybe that's not the group for you because you
if they're not aware I I do think there's a responsibility of people having these
conversations if you if you you are like with all your like college friends and there's like
a new person and then you're just gonna do that the whole time I don't think you're very uh yeah
emotional intelligent like I think you know it is rude and so I I would hope that yeah if you
find that you're constantly in that position with people then it's kind of like I don't
know maybe maybe these people aren't that nice in the first place I kind of agree with that
it's like uh you're not the problem they are the problem so right let's find another group let's
find that's what I loved about living in New York City Michelle is oh my gosh the vibrant
social groups you could have right how many people you could meet from all over the world and these
people didn't go to high school together right but they're talking about interesting things
now the world what's going on their cultures your culture it's just vibrant so make choices or about
who you're around I would say right right right exactly exactly so guys we gave you a couple of
role plays um you know and this one use a like I don't get it but okay you know you can make a kind
of little joke and then somebody will comment on it but I think the takeaway is be honest um Don't
Be Afraid uh to tell someone you want to learn more about jokes especially about the references
um I think people will appreciate it and but you also have to decide sometimes is it
worth it and do you wanna if you just did it two seconds ago do you wanna say again right
um but it is okay to say you want to learn more about jokes and we wanted to give
our listener and you guys some ways to talk about it or to evaluate it if it's worth it
um on this episode yeah totally this is an opportunity for connection but it's not a
reflection of your fluency if you don't get the joke it's just a matter of the content
maybe you don't have the content so keep that in mind guys don't make it don't make it a big hit
to your confidence you can come out of that party confident depending on how you choose to navigate
that situation exactly yep yeah so good I love this good topic all right yes great question all
right thank you Asami and Lindsay I'll talk to you next time all right talk soon Michelle bye
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