So you know nine months later,
you know, I just fall deeply in love with Pauly
and then all of the specialness
is just coming up again and
feels like I don't want to go through that again
the pain of it
that's what it's gonna be.
yeah, well, certainly it's,
I think the most painful aspect of specialness is exposing it.
You know, it's like, before it
just seemed like, just the way things are in the world
you know, it's like,
it's what you see in the movies it's what you see in the fairy tales
You just see it acted out
it's all you know of life.
And you know people will say yeah you have
to take the good with the bad and and
you know you just have to accept things
as they come, no matter what they are and learn to live with them
but, but
this is seemingly a lot of heartbreak
involved with this, we'll say, this unconscious belief in loss
that while we believe in a world of loss and gain
that can be some like pseudo highs and thrills with gaining something
and there's a lot of kudos and a lot of applause and
oh very good you've done very well and
you've achieved and you've accomplished and
you know, you do things and,
and of course we live in a society that
that celebrates birth and mourns death
even though there are cultures that
celebrate death and and mourn birth actually.
It just shows how they're just beliefs
it's not like a universal thing
but as you go through it,
you know and you get deeper into your purpose and everything
you realize that you will only be content with a happiness
that is everlasting that won't go away
as if it's just part of the opposites of the world
and you're just happy for a while
and then the heartbreak comes in, and the pain comes back
and you go back and forth between heartbreak and happiness
and heartbreak and happiness
you know, it's more like life is a yo-yo
It's just an emotional yo-yo
and there's something inside that just knows
we're entitled to more than that
more than this emotional yo-yo
we're entitled to a sense of consistency in state of mind
peace of mind.
And we're told that if we have a constant purpose
if we have a single purpose that will unify our perception
and stabilize our emotions:
love, peace, happiness, joy.
But it's so obscure, you know, we just,
we have different egoic purposes for everything in this world
you know, a chair is for sitting in
and then we get a mind training program like A Course in Miracles which,
says no actually, a chair
shares the same purpose of everything else.
It's like that how can it be that seems absurd.
but a chair shares the purpose of forgiveness
and so does a truck or a tent or a cloud or
you name it, the sun.
Everything shares the same purpose
which is seeing it from a new set of eyes
from a higher perspective
So you know, it's, you start to realize that
you have to go through the darkness to the light
and the only difference is
that when that intense emotion of specialness is coming up
and you're looking at it and exposing it so that you can release it
then it really has a different purpose
than just before, it was just like,
oh oh here we go my heart is broken
I I feel sad, I feel lonely, I feel lost and whatever
and you're just dealing with an emotion that
just seems to be there
and it's just like in your face
it's just on you
and there's, you know,
you just hope that it goes away
or you do something to distract away from it
because you don't want to experience the intensity of it
but this is more
it's always helpful to think of it as just like moving through
like a storm moving through
and it and this too shall pass
and that perspective makes all the difference
because it's so intense
the healing process is so intense that
you know, that's why we don't,
we aren't given like a like a five-year plan from the Spirit
because we would all go NO!
If we were told what we gotta go through
oh here's what you gotta go through
I've written it out in a book and
I've got some videos to show you
of all the crying and screaming and gnashing of teeth
and everything that you've gotta go through
nobody would even go for it
you know, the door would be empty
everybody would be over in distraction-ville,
I prefer the comfort of distraction-ville
to the intensity of true-healing-ville
and that's why we are only kind of guided into
some people feel they're tricked,
like, you tricked me, Spirit,
you got me, you got me to take a bite
and go through the door and then "oh man, no way!"
but actually, you know, if you hang with it
the fruits do come.
You know, you do actually,
your mind goes from upside down to right side up
and things do stabilize but during the turn
it is really tough
it's white-knuckle time, you know,
it's it's extreme intensity, you know
and you have to, I say and myself and others, you know,
we do talk about those experiences
in parable form or we talk about it as it comes up
as the Spirit gives us to talk about it
but that's meant to just offer some sense of
okay, I went through this too
and I know what you're feeling
and I know there's a light at the end of the tunnel
which you're gonna come through.
But you're talking about the root of the pain,
you know, the specialness
trying to make anything special.
Should you avoid any resemblance of specialness in a relationship,
in a romantic relationship?
No, avoidance has always been the problem
and so you might say that these relationships are designed
so that, it will come up into awareness
and then you have an opportunity to make another choice
you have an opportunity to deal with it when it comes up
but you can't
you can't really avoid it
it's been pushed out of awareness already
so it's been avoided already
so if you're trying to avoid what you've already avoided
you know, that's not gonna help anything
So we're all about encouraging it actually
encouraging it to come up
and you do, with the mind training,
you start to notice it more
you know, you can notice it.
And you know, as you're noticing it
it's usually a sense of:
"oh golly I still, I can't believe I'm still so attracted to that"
you know, again.
Again it's in my face, again I see it
I thought, "oh I thought I'd seen the last of that"
but here it is again and again
not to discourage yourself
not to fall into depression with it
but to see the pattern for what it is and
really get beneath the pattern.
You know, you're really wanting it to come up.
So that's why, you know,
it seems to get acted out
and as you identify with the body then you believe,
you know, you've done wrong or you've lost your way or whatever
for the n'th time or whatever
and the Spirit's like going:
"No, no, don't, don't go that way, don't go down that road,
and start concluding.
Just look at the pattern, look at the thoughts
and see what they're connected to in terms of this ego belief system"
and little by little,
through miracles and contrast experiences
we're shown that
we don't really want those egoic patterns
that's just unworthiness acting out, again and, again and, again.
And after a while, you do start to just see it without biting the hook,
you know, without going for it
and there is a sense of empowerment
when you can just notice it at first
and watch it, and watch it
and then you're less hooked into it
you're less emotionally invested in it
and eventually those hooks and those thoughts and beliefs
they just fade from awareness
and they're gone.
You are no longer haunted by them
they cannot even enter.
You know your mind gets so riveted on the truth,
they cannot even enter.