As a family psychologist, I've got 5 quick solutions for you to
immediately improve your family culture.
All 5 of these are really important. Stick around for the entire video and you are going
to transform what's happening in your family. Let's start with the first one. Family meals.
This is old school, you guys. We used to do this all the time. Families have gotten away from this
a little bit. But you know, the research shows that families who gather together on a regular
basis for family meals have a stronger family culture. Their relationships are healthier,
they have fewer discipline problems. This is an important time for families to connect and
where you can build your relationships. There's something about the psychology of eating together,
sharing a meal, breaking bread that allows people to connect in ways that they can't otherwise.
What if you were to establish a habit and a pattern of family meals? Give it a try.
As you come together with that first solution and have family meals,
you'll have an opportunity to connect. That's the second solution, use the time for connection. Find
ways to start conversations. Communication is an important part of healthy family culture.
Connect with each other through the communication and let's add this as a power-up.
Gratitude, find a way to express gratitude to each family member on a daily basis.
Now, this doesn't have to be some awkward show of "Oh, thank you for this or that." It can simply be
a sign of appreciation that you intentionally communicate to each family member each day.
Gratitude is another one of those things in the psychological research that has been very well
supported when it comes to establishing a positive culture. This is something you'll really want to
try. Next, I'm going to let you in on one of the trade secrets. This is something that's a little
lesser-known but it's going to make complete sense to you as you wrap your head around this. Have a
regular family council. This is a meeting where you come together as a family and it has to be on
a regular basis. Here's why: It's a guarantee that issues are going to come up. Have you noticed? And
it's not that there's something wrong with your family. It's that you're humans and that's what
happens to human families. Stuff comes up. Issues arise. There will be things to address. Let's say
for example that you want to have a discussion with the kids as they start getting a little older
about alcohol and other drugs. I'm just picking that as one of the topics that might come up.
Well, how are you going to have that conversation? Now, if you're already doing the other things that
we talked about you're connecting in gratitude you've got a family meal on a regular basis,
that's going to create some opportunities. But here's the beauty of a family council meeting:
You get to have the topic of the week. And it could be anything that you choose. This
week it might be arts and crafts. Next week it might be alcohol and other drugs.
It's just the topic of the week. And it takes the awkwardness out of having difficult or
potentially difficult family conversations. There's other issues that you can probably use
your imagination to come up with that you're going to want to address at some point and
this is a venue where you can do it. Now, let me give you a format. In this family meeting,
you hold it regularly. I would suggest you pick a day of the week and a time of that day where
you regularly meet as a family. For our family, it was always on Monday evening at 6 o'clock. We
called it family home evening. It was our chance to come together as a family to do 3 things. Now,
here's the format that I'd encourage you to follow. In your regular family council,
parents take the lead to teach a principle. That's the first element. Second, element, have
fun together. If we're not having fun, we're doing it wrong. And you're going to lose the
kids if you're not doing something fun. This gives them something to look forward to as well. So,
pick a game or an activity or some kind of art project that you get to work on together.
Something that is fun so that you have fun together. Parents teach a principle. You have
fun together, here's the third element. Have a treat, okay? Enjoy something tasty together. This
gets back to the family meal idea too but it's in a different context now. Because the treat that
you have at family council meeting is something that's special and it's set aside from the
other things that you do as a family. Again, something that gives the kids an opportunity to
look forward to and anticipate what's coming. This helps you to solidify the principles that you're
teaching as parents. And get the kids involved in that too. As the kids become a little more mature,
they'll be in a position where they can lead a discussion on any particular principle that
you want to discuss as a family. So, did you get the 3 elements? Teach a principle. Parents
are in charge of that. Have fun together. Got to have fun and enjoy a treat together as a family.
This is going to power you up like crazy. Let me share with you next a really simple solution
that my wife Vicki actually introduced me to and implemented in our home and our family. I think it
made a huge difference in our family culture. The way she put it was, "Be there at the crossroads."
Be there at the crossroads. What did she mean by that? The comings and goings as much as possible.
Think about the kids for example. They're going off to school, they're going off to
their sports activities, whatever they're doing. They're coming and going. If mom
or dad or mom and dad can be there at the crossroads, it completely changes the energy
and the feel of the family culture. It gives more of a home base and a feeling of security
for those kids. Now, I understand that there are seasons and demands and other things that
might make this difficult. As much as you can, be there at the crossroads for the comings and goings
of family members. That's a powerful solution. Let's wrap up with a little
discussion about dental hygiene, shall we? You should brush your teeth every day.
I'm not a dentist. But you know the importance of dental hygiene and you brush your teeth every day,
right? I hope you do. Otherwise, we got another discussion they have. Notice that you do it
and you don't quit because you did it yesterday. It's not like, "Oh, well. I brushed my teeth
yesterday. I'm good." No. You got to do it again today and tomorrow and the next day.
It's a constant practice. Okay, now let's shift that over to psychology, relationships,
mental health, mental hygiene. Not dental. Okay? Your mind is more important than your teeth.
Let's treat it that way. What can you do in your family to establish patterns
of mental hygiene? And for this, you have to pay attention to what kind of media is coming
into the home. What programs do we watch? What music do we listen to? What games do we play?
What you let into your home is powerful. I saw an advertisement once about a filtering software that
was available to parents. And in this particular software, somebody would come to the door
and they'd knock on the door and it was a robber. You know, old west, you know, guns blazing kind of
thing. "Oh, come on in." And the next one was some violent criminal or the next one was a drug dealer
or whatever. And they're just inviting all these people into their home. Well, you would never
do that. As a parent, you would control the access to your home and your family very carefully. You
would protect them with your life if necessary. What are we doing about the flow of media in
our homes? This has something to do with mental hygiene. And not only that, how do we think? What
are the words that we use? Are we positive? Are we negative? Are we stuck in victim mode or do we
embrace the agent mode? These programs of mental hygiene can make a huge difference in powering up
your family culture. And if you don't have ideas about how to approach that, reach out. We've got
some resources available to you and to families to help improve that. This is something that
you can take control of to improve immediately the family culture in your home. You've got this. Your
family culture is where you guys live so let's take control of that. I mentioned a resource to
you --Live On Purpose Central. The website is go.liveonpurposecentral.com. When you get there
you're going to see resources that will help you to immediately improve your family culture.
Come join us, check it out, and let's work on this together.