[Crowd] Norm.
All right.
[Crowd] Norm.
Crowd.
That happens wherever you go, right.
Yeah, everybody yells.
I actually, when I started doing comedy,
I would go on stage and I was doing it for a couple of years
and then I'd go on stage
and sometimes people would go Norm, Norm,
and I thought it was catching on, but it was from Cheers.
They were just excited about the show, Cheers.
So, I go hey, I'm doing pretty good here.
That's a sad thing to happen to you.
All right, well, happier things.
You're a, what are you?
You're on, you're on your fourth show of the season
of Saturday Night Live?
And you got Quentin Tarantino this week?
Smashing Pumpkins, that's a cool show.
That's really cool.
(crowd cheers)
You gotta be excited about that?
Yeah, Quentin Tarantino is like so cool
and plus in the back of your head,
you think maybe we'll put you in one of his movies.
Really?
No.
But he's a great writer too and really cool.
And Pulp Fiction was like my favorite movie.
I seen it like a hundred times and it was,
it was on Pay-Per-View it's on Pay-Per-View this month.
Yeah, that's right they show it there, yeah.
So the other night, I ordered it,
I called in and ordered it and then I got the wrong one
and it was that porno and it was Pumped Friction.
You know that one?
Oh man.
You seen that one?
No, I mean, no, I don't know what you're talking about.
It was all right, it was pretty good.
It was okay?
Yeah, they're different movies.
I mean, you know.
(group laughs)
Really?
Like Pulp Fiction is kind of a gritty urban fable
with strong characters interacting
and Pumped Friction is more, you know, graphic sex.
Yeah, I could see how they're different.
It's like apples and oranges.
You can't compare 'em, they're both good.
So why would you want to?
But I called the cable company
and about an hour later and complained.
They're going to get that straightened out, good.
That's good.
Sex is everywhere though.
You can't, you know.
I love porn.
You guys watch a lot of pornos?
(crowd cheers)
Yeah, that's what our demographics study show.
to find out who's watching?
Our fans love porno.
That's what we know about this show.
I always thought they should have like
you know they have that Dick Clark Ed McMahon,
blooper shows?
The Blooper Show, yeah.
They should have those for pornos,
because I'm sure they make mistakes on the set
and everything.
It'd be funny to see like the girl going
you know Harry you have a huge clock, ooh.
(crowd laughs)
Or just messing up their lines.
I then you cut back to Ed McMahon.
Cut back to Ed and Dick, I don't know.
You don't know what you're doing,
you're just riffing here.
You don't know.
Yeah, I like actually, graphic sex better than,
you know what bugs me is like, I like pornos and stuff,
but I don't like what I don't like is like,
when they try to be like, they have sexual innuendo.
And so they pretend like it's not about sex,
but all my life, remember that show.
I remember I was a kid Dating Game, remember that show?
Yeah, yeah.
And there was a game show, but you know, it was all,
about everything was sex, it was all dirty
and you know that show right?
Everything had a double meaning.
Everything had a double meaning,
and so the girls would ask and then they'd get these guys
that were like, good lord,
I don't know where they find these guys
and you get a beautiful girl
and then these three serial killer type guys.
And you know, the girl would ask these questions
that were all had double meetings.
Like the girl go, you know, if I were a Popsicle,
what would you do to me?
You know, something like that.
(crowd laughs)
I remember that.
Then guy would be like,
well, first I'd take your wrapper off.
You know what I mean?
And then I'd grab a hold of your big sticks there,
if you know what I mean?
And you know, and then I'd press against the counters
of your broken too, you know, if you know what I mean,
put half of you in the freezer till later.
Jesus, good lord.
(crowd cheers)
Oh, I miss those days in TV.
It's tough though, there's so much sex.
I know you got a family.
You got a kid.
Yeah, I got a beautiful little kid.
How old is he?
He's three.
He's the greatest.
Yeah.
Is he like, ah, let's just end there.
He's just a great, great kid.
Yeah, he's like three now,
he's reaching the age where he's kinda
he's reached that kind of cruel age,
where it's like a Lord of the Flies or something
where you got to watch him.
And we got a dog a little dog.
Yeah, I know dogs.
We call them Doogie.
When I was a kid,
my dad and my parents and my dog Snoopy.
Oh really?
So I was completely embarrassed all the time,
it's like a hackiest name you can call your dog.
Oh hey, what's your dog's name?
Something, you know, but so my,
the point of the story is this.
[Conan] Yes.
My kid is getting this cruel age
and he always got to watch him around the dog,
because he'll and he lies,
like, you go hey, what are you doing there?
You shouldn't be petting his eyeball like that.
He doesn't like that.
And he's like, no, he likes that.
He told me.
I go dogs, can't talk, I'm not stupid.
[Conan] Yeah, yeah.
And I can't even find the dog anymore
because the kid's always, hey where are you Doogie?
You ready to play with Dylan?
Where are you?
You know, I can't find him anywhere,
open the cupboard dogs in there.
(crowd laughs)
Not here, not here.