Well, if you ask somebody about what their values are
most people unknowingly
are
because they've been raised by
mothers, fathers, preachers, teachers,
and because they've been,
inculcating,
the mores, traditions, conventions, of
peer groups of different scaled sizes,
they have been injecting the values of
those that are leaders in society's ideals.
And they confuse what is really important to them,
individualistically, compared to what they think it should be. Whenever you hear yourself
saying, 'I should do this', 'I ought to be doing this', 'I need to do this', 'I gotta do this',
'I have to do this', 'I must do this,'
'I have to do this', that's an imperative,
deontological duty that you feel
you're going to do. You're living by 'ought to's'
instead of what you would really 'love to's'.
And,
most people don't even know what their values are.
And I've asked gosh, tens of thousands of people
over the years to define and write,
what they think their values are. And then I do a more objective
evaluation, and it's not the same,
what they write are ideals,
you know, honesty, integrity, peace, and all this other stuff.
It's just bullshit, instead of what
their life is actually demonstrating as important to them.
So I had to develop,
as a result of that, a series
of value determinants that gave
at least a little bit more objective view
based on what their life is actually demonstrating
Because if you go by what they say, they'll give you an idealism
or they'll give you an injected value by outside authorities.
And that starts at a young age, for instance, it starts at age one,
the second you stand up and start to walk around
and everything else, you got to baby proof the house,
your mom starts saying, no, yes, no, no, no.
Yes, yes. And they start inculcating
as a result of dependency on the mother, the
values of the mother. And so now there's a conflict
between their own values
and the mother's values.
And we've called that socialization, we've called that how to fit in and
conform to society.
But that's great if you want to conform, but society doesn't
evolve by conformists. It evolves
by individuals that are innovative, that are
willing to
possibly be ridiculed for having new ideas.
So most people conform,
99% of the population conform,
and have varying degrees of injected
values instead of their own true life
demonstrating values. So I had to go through
there and identify something that would indicate what their life is demonstrating,
not what they think it should be.
And I look at how they fill their space
because even a baby in a little,
a baby crib or bed, whatever,
will, if you toss something into the baby crib,
the playpen or whatever, it will, if it's something that
it wants, that's really valuable to it'll stick in its mouth and
it hold onto it and look at it and observe it and explore it
and keep it close to it,
to the baby. But if it's something that it doesn't want,
and it has no value on it, it will kick it out, throw,
scream, cry, push it away.
Because anything that is
close to us, that's proximal to us is valuable.
Anything that we push away and don't want around our space
is obviously less valuable.
And so the, what is measured in our
intimate and personal space, our foot and a half to
four feet around us has a lot to do with what we value.
So the first value determinant is, 'What do we
fill our space with, our intimate space and personal space?'
What are the three highest priority items that most
consistently
we have around us? It could be our cell phone.
It could be our computer. It could be our children. It could be
technology. It could be
food, clothes, it depends on what we value.
My daughter is involved in fashion,
so around her were fashion
items and clothes and things, so that was,
she was looking at creative ideas.
Myself, it was books for many years,
and now it's a computer, really.
So,
if you look at what a person's
space is filled with, it tells you what they value. The second one is time.
You know, if you look carefully at what you spend your time on,
you make time, find time, spend time on things
that are really valuable to you. You run out of time,
don't want to spend time and can't find time for things aren't,
and you may have a moment to moment
variation based on the urgencies, but
overall, the scheme of your life is demonstrating this. So you look
at how you fill your space and how you spend your time. Those are two really
great indicators of what's really valuable to you,
because if you say, 'I want to be financially
independent', but your life doesn't demonstrate
that you're accumulating wealth and there's no demonstration
of working and investing in money and stuff like that,
then it's just, it's a fantasy.
The third thing is 'What energizes you?' When you're really around something that's
valuable to you, your energy goes up. And when you're not,
your energy goes down
So you look at what energizes you most.
You know, I love,
I always have energy for doing presentations and educating,
and also my research,
but I don't have energy, or
patience you might say or a lot of energy for going to a
cooking class for instance or a driving
class. Or going to a
car show or something. That means nothing to me. So I would have,
I'd be bored with that So you look at where you're energized
and where you're not, and that energy, what
grows your energy, and you always have energy for it. You're energized
doing it. And you can wake up and you're animated. Your reticular
activating system is alive when you're doing it.
That's an indication of what you value. The next one is
what you spend your money on and find money for. You'll find
money, you'll make money, you'll spend money on things that are valuable.
And you won't want to spend money on something that's devalued.
Who wants to spend money on something that they don't think there's a .
value. They don't want to exchange that way. So look at where
you spend your money and it tells you what you value.
When I was in my twenties, I was buying 40 to 70
books a week on average. And so I obviously had a value
on learning and books and was reading voluminously books. .
Later on in my life. It was different things, but
right now it's investments and
education and
getting messages out to the world. So you look at what
you were spending your money on
The fourth, fifth thing, pardon me, is where are you most
organized and ordered? Because things that are not really
important to you, you don't get around to it, you don't put order to
them, it's chaotic and etcetera but where your
highest order is? My highest order is the knowledge that I've accumulated.
My research is organized. My traveling is organized.
My speaking is organized. So I look at
where I'm most organized, and that's what you value.
And if you say, 'Well, I'm not organized,' you are,
you're not paying attention to it, and if you think you're not organized it's because
you're comparing yourself to other people
and you're expecting to be organized in something
that's not really important to you, but you think it is because you've injected that value.
And that's confusing. So people are 'I'm not organized',
yes, you are. You're organizied in what's valuable to you.
I've been doing it a long time. I guarantee you it's true.
The next one is, 'Where are you most disciplined and reliable?'
You can count on me to be researching every day
you can count on me to be looking up articles. You can count on me to
be updating and writing in my manuals for seminars.
You can count on me for up until recently,
traveling. So,
whatever's highest on your value you're extremely disciplined
in and you spontaneously do things and
that tells you what you value. The next three are, 'What do
you think about, what do you visualize
and what do you internally
dialogue with yourself about most, about
how you would love your life to be, that shows evidence of coming true.
And you take each one of those and your top,
write down the top three answers to each, one after another,
and they may be slightly different answers, but there will probably be a scheme
there, a theme there, it will be reiterated,
but what is it you think about, visualize and affirm, about how you would love your life?
And make sure it's how you would love your life, not how you don't want it.
And make sure there's evidence that you're making progress on it. If there's no
evidence, don't write it down because that's a whim
or a fantasy. I need to know what is the evidence.
I have evidence that I wanted to travel the world teach.
I don't have evidence of other things that I fantasize about that don't show up.
Don't write down things that aren't showing any evidence, write down what
is. And you'll see a pattern. I guarantee there will be a
pattern there. The next one is, what do you want to converse with other people
about most? And what do you keep engaging
in conversations with people? If you do, you start to be extroverted and talk
and you tend to be engaged and listening, that
tells you what you value.
The next one
is 'What is inspiring to you,
and what's consistent to the people who inspire you?'
If I look at who've inspired me, it's been the great Nobel prize
winners and all their works, all the great philosophers and thinkers,
all the leaders in various fields that were innovative, that created a
new form or 'the father of
this', 'the mother of this', 'the originator of this'
anybody who's creative and original in their
ideas, i've been inspired to read and study
and their biographies. So look at
what is inspiring to you and people, and what is the
things that you do that bring tears to your eyes. Every
moment you actually get a teary eye from anything,
listening to music or going to a movie or whatever,
and you get a tear, write down what it was that was
in your mind at the moment of the tear and document the
inspirations because they're guides.
The next one is what are the three most consistent things that you,
three most consistent, persistent goals you have
about what you want to create in your life that you're showing evidence of
coming true? What are the goals that are actually coming true?
You know, I had desire to travel world, I had a desire to
gather a vast amount of information and share it.
They are coming true.
There's other things that I
thought were whims that I wanted to do, but never got
around to doing them. Those eventually fade out and you
realize that they're just whims, they're not real.
You gotta look at what your life is really demonstrating to
know what's really important to you. And the last one is what do you love studying
about, reading about, learning about, listening to about, most,
that you just spontaneously want to learn,
because you want to learn
what's important to you.
You don't want to learn things that aren't, you want to fill your
mind with what's important.
But what's interesting.
So,
what's interesting is that if you answer all 13 of
those questions and answer it with integrity
and not write down what you fantasize
or what you wish it would be or hope it would be what it used to be, but what it is
now, and recently,
and most consistently, if you do and answer three
answers each, it'll summarize
and you'll look at which of those answers are repeated
most, second most, third most, fourth most,
and you'll have three to five
answers that will be the top three values in your life.
And if you look at that, you'll, get a sensor and it'll be
obvious and you'll see your identity revolves around it.
You'll see that the thing you love learning, it revolves around it. You'll see
that that's where you're most disciplined.
but by identifying through the value
determination process,
the 13 value determinants that I created
it increases the probability of being clear about
what it is. And if you link what you
perceive, what you decide, what you act on to that
you're going to be engaged. There's absolutely no reason
why we can't be engaged. I tell people, either go do what you
love through delegating. Or go love what you do
through linking.
And engaging is about linking whatever you're doing,
whatever you're perceiving,
to whatever's highest on your values, so you start to see
things on the way, not in the way. And you
see things as feedback, not frustration or failure.
Thank you for joining me for this presentation today, if you found value
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