REG, HOW ARE YOU DOING?
>> Reggie: I'M GREAT.
JUST PLUGGING IN MY PHONE, FEELING GOOD.
>> James: YEAH?
GOOD TO KNOW ST NORMAL BUSINESS AS USUAL.
>> Reggie: YEAH.
>> James: I MUST SAY IN MANY WEIGHINGS, I DON'T LIKE DOING
THIS, BUT IN ONE WAY I DO PREFER THIS SETUP.
I ALWAYS WANTED TO LOOK LIKE I'M JUST SLIGHTLY TOO BIG TO HOLD MY
MUG, DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
(LAUGHTER) I'M JUST GOING TO DING THE BELL.
>> Reggie: YEAH, THERE YOU GO.
>> James: IAN KARMEL, ONE OF OUR HEAD WRITERS IS ALSO BACK IN
THE STUDIO TONIGHT.
>> YEAH.
HOW ARE YOU DOING?
DOES IT FEEL GOOD TO BE BACK?
>> IT'S AMAZING TO BE BACK.
I WAS GONE THE FIRST HALF OF THE WEEK FOR SOME STUFF BUT COMING
BACK TO THE ROOM, THE ENERGY IN HERE HAS BEEN GREAT IT IS SO
DIFFERENT FROM LAST WEEK.
(LAUGHTER) JRS I SEE WHAT ARE YOU DOING.
WELL, IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOUR FACE, IAN, IT'S WONDERFUL TO SEE
EVERYBODY.
NOW BEFORE WE GET INTO THE HEADLINES WE WANTED TO SHOW YOU
THIS.
LAST NIGHT ON THE SHOW WE TALKED ABOUT JOE BIDENINGS STARTING A
SPEECH BY PLAYING THE SONG DESPACITO OFF OF HIS PHONE.
WELL SEAN HANNITY ON FOX NEWS TALKED ABOUT IT LAST NIGHT TOO.
BUT HIS PRONUNCIATION WAS, WELL, SLIGHTLY OFF.
SEE IF YOU CAN NOTICE.
>> YESTERDAY JOE BIDEN WAS TRYING SO HARD TO PANDER FOR
HISPANIC AMERICANS TO VOTE FOR HIM IN FLORIDA.
THAT HE ACTUALLY STARTED A SPEECH BY PLAYING, WELL,
THE-- IT'S A SONG CALLED DES-PASI-TOE.
>> IS IT?
IS IT, SEAN?
IS THAT WHAT IT IS CALLED?
HE SOUNDS LIKE MY DAD ORDERING A MEXICAN RESTAURANT.
MOVEK ON TO TODAY'S NEWS, IN A HIGHLY UNUSUAL MOVE PRESIDENT
TRUMP'S FORMER DIRECTOR OF NATIONAL INTELLIGENCE DAN COATS
HAS ASKED CONGRESS TO CREATE A COMMISSION TO OVERSEE THE
UPCOMING ELECTION.
APPARENTLY HE HAS CONCERNS ABOUT THE ELECTION BEING FAIR.
EVERYBODY WHO LEAVES THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION TALKS LIKE
SOMEBODY WHO USED TO WORK AT ARBY'S.
THEY'RE LIKE LISTEN, I CAN'T SAY WHY, BUT TRUST ME, DO NOT EAT
THERE.
(LAUGHTER) YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW.
YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW.
WELL THEN JUST HAVE THE FRIES.
COATS CALLED FOR THE COMMISSION IN AN EDITORIAL IN THE NEW YORK
TIMES AND WE ALL KNOW IF THERE IS ANYTHING THAT WILL WIN OVER
PRESIDENT TRUMP IS T IS A THOUGHTFULLY ARGUED EDITORIAL IN
THE NEW YORK TIMES.
YOU MAY NOT REMEMBER DAN COATS.
IN ADDITION TO BEING TRUMP DIRECTOR OF NATIONAL
INTELLIGENCE HE HAS ALSO SERVED AS A UNITED STATES AMBASSADOR,
SENATOR, CONGRESSMAN AND FOR MANY YEARS IN HIS MOST FAMOUS
ROLE AS A GRANDFATHER WHO WAS NOT AMUSED BY YOUR TIKTOK.
MEANWHILE TODAY PRESIDENT TRUMP GAVE A SPEECH IN WASHINGTON.
HE TALKED ABOUT LIBERALS ATTACKING AMERICAN VALUES AND
HAD A FEW WORDS TO SAY ABOUT MOUNT RUSHMORE, HAVE A LOOK.
>> AS I SAID AT MOUNT RUSHMORE, WHICH THEY WOULD LOVE TO RIP
DOWN AND RIP IT DOWN FAST, THAT'S NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN.
>> James: WELL YEAH, CUZ IT'S A MOUNTAIN.
(LAUGHTER) BASICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO RIP DOWN
A MOUNTAIN.
ALSO WHY IS HE SO DROWSY?
HE IS TALKING THE WAY PIE FIVE YEAR OLD DAUGHTER TALKS WHEN
SHE'S 20 SECONDS AWAY FROM FALLING ASLEEP.
TRUMP ALSO TOOK A MOMENT TO TALK ABOUT THE PRINCIPLES OF THE
FOUNDING FATHERS.
>> TO GROW UP IN AMERICA IS TO LIVE IN A LAND WHERE ANYTHING IS
POSSIBLE, WHERE ANYONE CAN RISE AND WHERE ANY DREAM CAN COME
TRUE.
ALL BECAUSE OF THE IMMORTALLABLE PRINCIPLES, OUR NATIONS
FOUNDERS.
>> James: IMMORTABLE, THERE IS NOTHING LIKE QUITTING HALFWAY
THROUGH A WORD.
WHAT WAS HE EVEN SAYING, IMMORTAL, I MUTABLE-- IMMUTABLE.
HE SOUNDS LIKE A COCKNEY SPERN PERSON SAYING I'M HORRIBLE.
IMMORTABLE, FOUNDING FATHERS, WHAT DO YOU THINK HE'S TRYING TO
SAY, REG?
>> Reggie: I HAVE NO IDEA.
>> James: WHATEVER HE WAS TRYING TO SAY, EVEN SEAN HANNITY
WAS LIKE COME ON MAN, EVERYONE KNOWS YOU DON'T SAY IT LIKE,
THAT GET IT TOGETHER.
AND THIS IS AN INTERESTING STORY.
THE ISLAND NATION OF BARBADOS HAS ANNOUNCED THAT THEY ARE
REMOVING QUEEN ELIZABETH 2 AS THEIR OFFICIAL HEAD OF STATE.
WHEN SHE HEARD ABOUT THIS QUEEN ELIZABETH RESPOND BID SAYING
WAIT, I'M THE HEAD OF BARBADOS?
BARBADOS IS FULLY SEPARATED ITSELF FROM THE BRITISH
MONARCHY.
YOU HAVE HEARD OF BREXIT, THIS IS BARB-ADIOS.
THE PEOPLE ON SOCIAL MEDIA ARE ALREADY PROPOSING A NEW QUEEN TO
TAKE HER PLACE AND THAT PERSON IS RIHANNA.
IN WHICH CASE THEY WOULD HAVE TO RENAME THE COUNTRY BARBADOS
FEATURING RIHANNA BUT RIHANNA SEEMS OPEN TO THE IDEA, IN FACT
SHE ALREADY RELEASED A PRETTY DETAILED POLICY PLATFORM.
SHE HAS A JOB PLANNED CALLED WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK, A
CLIMATE CHANGE CALLED UMBRELLA AND A TAX PLAN CALLED BITCH
BETTER HAVE MY MONEY.
AND FINALLY DID YOU GUYS SEE THIS, FORMER PRESIDENT BARACK
OBAMA IS RELEASING A MEMOIR TITLED "A PROMISED LAND" AND
IT'S SET TO COME OUT RIGHT AFTER THE 2020 ELECTION.
I HONESTLY FORGOT PRESIDENTS COULD WRITE ANYTHING OTHER THAN
TWEETS.
NOW I'M, AS MUCH AS I LOVE THE OBAMAS, I'VE GOT TO SAY, THEY
ARE MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MYSELF DURING THE PANDEMIC.
BETWEEN BARACK AND MICHELLE, THEY'VE RELEASED AN
AWARD-WINNING DOCUMENTARY, STARTED A PODCAST.
NOW THEY HAVE ANNOUNCED A NEW BOOK.
MEANWHILE I'M PROUD OF MYSELF IF ONLY ONE OF MY MEALS A DAY I
ONLY EAT ONE OF MY MEALS A DAY IN BED.
RIGHT NOW OBAMA IS GOING WITH THE LOFTY TITLE OF "A PROMISED
LAND" BUT IF JOE BIDEN WINS THEY'RE GOING TO CHANGE THE
TITLE TO BIRTH CERTIFICATE THIS.