-Our next guest is a very funny comedian
and correspondent on "The Daily Show,"
which returns from hiatus January 17th.
Please welcome back to the show Roy Wood Jr., everybody!
[ Cheering and applause ]
♪♪
-Yeah! -Welcome back, Roy.
-Yeah! -Happy New Year.
I want to start -- -How you been, man?
-I've been good. I'm ready for this year.
-Alright. Me too, I think. I don't know.
We're only a couple days into the [bleep]
So we'll see.
-Probably too early to tell.
-Yeah, yeah. Way too early.
You know, I just wrapped up the holidays, man.
So I'm still, like, in a fog.
-I know you got a 6-year-old.
Did you have a good Christmas with your 6-year-old?
-Christmas was good 'cause he's finally aware
of who gets the gifts for him.
-Oh, okay. Meaning?
-It's good. He's 6.
He can understand now, which is why, like,
you can never give Santa Claus credit for the big gifts.
-Okay.
-Big gift, that's me, your daddy, your mama.
We got you -- You like that? Yeah.
That's us.
-Okay.
-Sweater, the toothpaste, that's the white dude.
The white dude --
-You call him the white dude?
-White dude.
He's a black child. I got to let him know.
Sometimes them white dudes, they gonna come in the house.
They gonna help you with your teeth.
But, yeah, it was cool, man. It was a good holiday.
-Did you travel?
-No, no. That I did not do.
-Okay. Any regrets?
-Well, no, after what I saw what happened with Southwest,
I am happy I stayed my ass at the house.
The thing that I don't understand
about air travel, man, is just --
Like, I just really wish, like,
whenever there's, like, a huge shutdown,
like, there's a huge storm and there's a shutdown
and everybody's sleeping at the airport
and people laying all out in the baggage claim,
laying on the baggage revolver...
shouldn't there just be one airline that just says,
"[Bleep] it. Let's try."
[ Laughter ]
Like, "Let's go."
Like, there should be one airline
that just be like, "Hey, if you want to risk it...
[ Laughter ]
...let's go," 'cause I would imagine
there were people in the airport who would have been --
What the plane hold, about 300 people?
Find another 200, 300 people at the gate.
"Hey, do you want to go?
You want to go?
Let's go."
And you understand the risk.
It's like when you go to Best Buy
and you buy a TV that's already out the box.
-Yep.
-You know there might be something wrong with that TV.
And they let you know, "Hey, this is an open box.
We don't know.
[ Light laughter ]
But it's only gonna cost $8."
And that's when you say, "Let's go."
-So it would be sort of a discount airline,
Let's Go Airlines.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, that will be the working title.
I'm not sure if the FAA --
What I really want to call it is just "Come On Then."
That's what I want to call it.
But I'm not sure if that's the right way to go.
But, you know, Southwest got everybody
straightened out eventually, vouchers and all that.
-Last time you were here,
you talked about you got early COVID,
which you referred to as whisper COVID.
-Yeah. That's when you couldn't tell nobody.
-Yeah. [ Light laughter ]
-You get COVID and then like three months later,
"You know I had it.
I had it. I just didn't say nothing."
You get COVID now, you can just tell everybody.
"Hey, you know I got it right now!
What's going on?" [ Imitates coughing ]
Just projectile cough into strangers' faces.
I don't -- I don't like the restrictions of it, though.
Like, I tried to come to your show.
You had a live show.
-I was doing stand-up in town, yeah.
-Yeah, and you shut it down.
And I got there and I was a little perturbed.
-Yeah. [ Light laughter ]
-'Cause at this point -- 'Cause I've had COVID three times.
What about my rights? Like, I've...
done had it three times.
At this point, it should be my choice if I want to --
Like, there should just be an option --
"Hey, somebody in this room has COVID tonight.
Do you still want to watch the show?"
And then I say, "Let's go!"
[ Laughter ]
-I see a theme here. I see a recurring theme.
-That's how you do it.
Like, I don't like the fact the government restrictions
take away my rights to be stupid.
[ Laughter ]
That's all I'm saying.
-You have that right just like anybody else.
-We should have a COVID section in restaurants.
Remember smoking sections in restaurants?
They should just have that in the restaurant now.
They already got the plastic.
You got the little outdoor porch.
Put me out on the porch.
[ Laughter ]
Everybody eating on the curb and all of that [bleep]
Just, "Hey, do you have COVID?"
"Yes, I do."
"Okay. Well, here's your seat."
"Thank you," and I can...
sit next to other people with COVID.
I guess what I'm suggesting is segregation.
-Oh, okay. [ Laughter ]
Yeah, now that you say it, that is what you've been describing.
-Let me backtrack on it a little bit.
I'm not sure --
I'm not sure if segregation went so well the first time.
-You -- Something else I've seen you be very angry about
on television and on social media,
you do not like --
There's a new trend of flamin' hot versions
of our favorite foods, our favorite snacks.
Can you explain -- Do you like hot foods?
-It's a tragedy, man.
[ Laughter ]
You ever just tried to go buy a bag of just regular chips?
[ Light laughter ]
The regular, just the OG original recipe,
whatever chip you like, there's 20 different spice,
fuego, enflamo, inferno version.
Like, it's just -- I want a --
Everything ain't got to be flamin'.
It's okay to just have some regular [bleep]
I just want regular [bleep]
There's flamin' hot cereals now.
[ Laughter ] -What --
-Flamin' Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
-There's flamin' hot -- -Flamin', bitch.
Flamin' hot Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
Do you -- Do we really need spicy milk?
-No. [ Laughter ]
-Do you need your milk to be spicy?
-No.
-We already know what regular milk
will do to most Americans' ass[bleep]
[ Laughter and applause ]
And you want to add spice?
You want a spicy ass?
This is what you want to do to yourself?
-Well, the other thing is, when you eat something spicy,
people tell you to have milk. -Yes.
-So you've taken away the antidote.
-I don't -- I don't like it at all, man.
And I just think in 20 years,
it's gonna be a class-action lawsuit
that we are all gonna be a part of 'cause we had spicy milk.
-I have a ton more to ask you about.
We're gonna be right back with more
from Roy Wood Jr., everybody.