At The Marriage Foundation, we address
marriage in a very
positive way. We don't try to
break the mold but what we do is we
use things that actually work. My name is
Paul Friedman. I founded The Marriage
Foundation
and one of the questions that came to us
is, “What do I do
if my husband doesn't love me anymore?"
This is a tough one for anyone who has
that feeling
it can be extremely discouraging,
very painful, really confusing and really
there is a lot you can do about and
that's what we're going to talk about.
Understand this
almost 99% certainly
changed that, 99.9 certainly
didn't get married with the right
prescription
for a happy marriage. Everyone . 0:01:03.120,0:01:06.320 seems to get married because it's the
next thing
to do and/or "I met my soul mate"
and/or "it's time" and/or etc. etc.
missing the real reasons for getting
married
and it's laughable that we don't
consciously consider.
Wait a minute! I want to get married in
order to be
happier. Who doesn't?
Let's take that further, I want to be
happier every day of my
life. I want to be with the person who
really
just completes my life,
makes my world so much better.
How does that happiness happen
if you're not moving towards it, if
you're not actually doing something
to make that happen? So
why be shocked if you're feeling like
your husband doesn't love you anymore?
I'm not saying it's okay but why be
shocked when you haven't done
anything for the second reason we get
married
to be in marital love to
experience unconditional love that's why
we
get married. Those are the two promises
of marriage
normally unspoken almost
all the time nothing is done to make it
happen.
Would you get into a car without knowing
how to drive? Of course not,
but we all get married without knowing
how to be married. Look
my first marriage was a disaster because
I didn't know
and then I thought, you know what divorce
is a good idea
and I became a divorce mediator. I had a
thriving business in San Diego,
a lot of money there. I made a lot of
money. I did good.
I did well but
there came a point where I thought,
"There's something else.
There's something missing here,"
and you know how things work in the
world
it's not just like one day you wake up
and you have this idea but there's
things that happen
to you. And certain things happened to me
that made me take a look at
doing something else, what I'm doing now.
It's been over two decades
but I shifted my practice to helping
people with their marriages
and I recognized that the way
that was being done was all wrong.
So I did my research
and it's really good stuff that I found
including these two promises
of marriage. You actually get married
in order to be happier every single day
of your life and to feel
unconditional love, not just love but
that kind of love that
wells up from your heart that just takes
over
that's why we get married. So
whatever you do you always learn as much
as you can about that which you
are going to do and you apply
what you learn in order to get the
rewards
that you basically signed up for. No one
does that with marriage
and that's what's happening in yours.
So we're human beings,
we have free will. You don't have to go
back.
You don't have to go back and take a
look at
what you did wrong. It doesn't matter.
You don't go back and look at your
childhood,
it doesn't matter. None of that stuff
matters
because what trumps everything is that
you have free will
so you're able to make big changes now.
Huge changes
that will turn everything around.
You and your husband found each other
for a reason. I don't want to get all
spiritual or mystical here but I've
never
seen two people who weren't together for
a reason.
You need to exploit the fact that you're
together.
You need to bring that love up
and you can do it. It's
honestly the hardest part
is learning how taking the time
and then applying it. Well, there is
another part that is hard, I'm going to
be honest with you
because in my research. Let's call it
research and then of course, I practiced
with
many many people including myself.
Thousands have since signed up for our
course for women.
Thousands have signed up for the course
for men
so we know what works, and the first step
is the most
important step because you need to make
changes.
Let's recognize that right off the bat.
You're going to need to make
changes. You want to know what to do
because your husband doesn't love you
anymore
is you have to change yourself into that
person who he originally fell
in love with and then some.
The trouble is with most,
let's call it programs whether it's with
a marriage counselor
or online thing or whatever,
they spell out very nicely, most of the
time
those things you should do
but you can't do it because of the
habits in your mind.
So I realized this very early on
and I came up with methods for
literally learning how to gain mastery
over your mind.
What does that mean? That means that you
can
get rid of bad habits, bad reactions. You
can get rid of them.
You don't have to manage them. You could
literally get rid of the bad habits.
Let's say
you're are prone to anger. You could
get rid of that
completely. Let's say you tend to argue a
lot. You could get rid of that.
Confrontation, get rid of that all of
these habits, these reactive habits.
You learn to get rid of that. You learn
to then
insert positive habits
that will bring you back to a loving
space, and I say bringing you back and
I'm giving you something here because
most people never really had it.
They may have had the emotions
of it in the beginning but because they
didn't march
towards that, happiness
and love, it was never ever super part of
the marriage.
So there's so much you can do
you just have to learn how to do it.
Marriage is not
simple. I'm not going to pretend. It's
simple, it's complex.
You still have to learn it. People can
learn to drive,
that's complex. You could learn to be
married and there's a lot of forgiveness
in
things that you do when you're on the
right path so you got to get on the
right path.
Subscribe to this channel that'll help
you get on the right path because you'll
learn so much about marriage in a
positive
way you know for instance whoever told
you about
free will changing everything right now
and you don't have to worry about the
past. Most people go, "Well, you know I had
this really rough childhood." You don't
have to go there.
Trust me on this. Subscribe to the
channel.
Go to our website. Our website is
filled with information. These YouTube
videos are great.
Some articles, there's lots of
information.
You have this marriage for the rest of
your life. Make it amazing.
Thanks for spending time with me! Like
the video, leave a comment, leave a
question. This
is where I go and answer questions
otherwise, you could always write in to
our counselors.
It's a free service at
themarriagefoundation.org. You go to the
Ask a Counselor tab and you could get
your questions
answered. Thank you for joining me! Take
care and God bless!