- I saw an article the other day for straight people
that said, "How to look good on your Zoom calls."
Do you not know how to turn on a (beep) light, girl?
- Turn on a light, look at your face,
is it boot nasty, like to'e up disgusting?
(laughs) Do you look like a wagon pulling a bunch of dirt?
(laughs) (chimes)
- I am Trixie Mattel. (classical music)
- And I am Katya.
- And we are two queens who like to watch.
- We like to watch.
- And today we're watching a very exciting show,
the Netflix original series, Too Hot to Handle.
- Sizzling hot, hot, hot. - Finally a show
that speaks to our experience.
- Absolutely, look at these jugs.
- I must be too hot to handle, 'cause no one tries
to handle me.
- (laughs) What about too hot to panhandle?
(laughs)
(manic violin music)
- Obviously spoilers ahead. (classical music)
I mean we're going to have this spoiled for ourselves
'cause we've never seen this either,
but-- - Oh no.
- If you don't like spoilers, I don't know why you're here.
I know nothing about this show,
other than the Netflix home page, believes in it's soul
that I should be watching this.
- I have no idea what we're about to see.
- 12 expecting mothers face off in a competition
within a sauna. (laughs)
To see who can outlast the heat
and have a baby that stays alive.
(laughs)
You have a chance to win $12,000,
if you stick your left hand in an air fryer.
Like it could be anything.
- (laughs) Yes. (chimes)
- [Narrator] If you were in paradise, paradise,
and had to resist sex. (upbeat music)
- [Trixie] What the hell is that?
- [Narrator] At stake is a prize of $100,000.
- All you have to do is not (beep).
They're like-- - Can't do it.
Can't do it, gotta (beep). - Gotta (beep), yeah.
- My friends are going to love this twist.
- [Trixie] Are these British people?
- It sounds like it.
- Okay, no shade to you British people,
these are the hottest British people I've ever seen.
- (laughs) No shade to England.
- Girl, normally it's Susan Boyle
and Neville Longbottom clomping down the street.
- [Narrator] Our singles will be hit with another--
(chime) (bass music)
- Hi, I'm-- - It's the sex police, Alexa.
Alexa, chop off my dick.
- (laughs) Yeah. (laughs)
- [Narrator] For the first 12 hours, Lana will be watching--
- [Trixie] I wish it was Lana del Rey's voice.
- I know!
♪ No sex today ♪
- [Narrator] Let's meet oblivious single number one.
- [Trixie] Oh her name is Chilouie.
- Hi, I'm Chloe, I'm 20 years old.
- [Trixie] These are British people.
- [Katya] Yeah.
- They're all going to get sunburns in four minutes.
(laughs)
- I'm quite ditzy as well, so.
- "I'm really hot, but I'm so stupid."
- [Trixie] "What's that shiny ball in the sky?"
- Dating apps are kind of like a part-time job for me.
(laughs)
- Something that people might not know about me
is I tried to assassinate the president.
- You know what, God doesn't give with both hands.
- What does that mean?
- You've never heard that?
It means like-- - No.
- Nobody has everything. - Oh gotcha.
- When God gave her this beauty, he didn't also reach around
and give her, like a brain.
If you're hot you can be stupid.
- This is true.
- Do you know how intelligent I have to be
just so I don't get gunned down in the street? (laughs)
- It's a picture of his boxers. (laughs)
- [Trixie] I wonder how she'd react to a hole pic?
- But they'll never seen my small pancake bum. (laughs)
I'll just turn around. (laughs)
- What if she turned around
and the back of her head was completely bald?
What would you do?
- (laughs) Yeah.
- [Narrator] Who were you expecting, Jeff from finance?
- Oh my god.
- Oh!
- Sharon. - It's gonna be Sharron.
- I'm Sharron by the way. - [Katya] Sharron.
- [Trixie] He's so hot, Sharron.
- What was your name, sorry? - Sharron, how about yourself?
- Chloe. - Sharon.
- All right what are we toasting to?
- Cheers.
- Sharon.
- Where I can meet women in church.
Might just actually sign up for Christian Mingles
(upbeat jazz music)
- Oh, God, I'm exhausted at the heterosexuals.
♪ Hallelujah ♪
I'm exhausted at the Christians
and when the Christian heterosexuals get together
and come on my television.
- It's too hot to handle. (laughs)
(bright salsa music)
- [Trixie] I (beep) knew somebody was going
to be from Florida.
- Hi, I'm Halie.
- [Trixie] She's hot, I'm into girls now.
- [Katya] You love her hair.
- [Trixie] Also Halie's a dog's name.
- I love the tattoos.
I have this one on my back.
- [Chloe] What language is that?
- I don't know.
(screams)
- I hope it's English.
I hope it's, hello.
- A misspelled like proverb.
- It says like, "At first you don't succeed"
- (laughs) Yeah.
- "What language is that?"
"I don't know." - "I don't know."(laughs)
(chimes)
- I will say, I mean it's hard to not address this.
(dramatic classical music)
The amount of work that goes into trying
to win something something like "Drag Race"
and then in straight world, you can win it
with actually doing nothing. - They get $100,000 for just
literally doing nothing.
- Actually doing nothing.
If you went out there on that deck chair
and did this for the whole duration,
you would win all your money.
- Yep, incredible.
- What the (beep).
You know what, it's about time.
The straights have had such a hard run, they need this.
- Yeah.
- This is their moment.
- They've suffered long enough. (laughs)
- They've suffered long enough--
(laughing drowns out speaker)
Think of what these hot people are going to think,
when they inevitably watch us talking about this.
- Like they're going to get chemically castrated.
- And they're like, "These nasty little (beep)
"really think that they are someone."
- Yeah these nasty, wigged, troll goons have something
to say about my gorgeous ass.
- They're going to be like, "I didn't even know ugly
"people could talk."
- (laughs) Yeah. - "Never heard it before."
(chimes)
- I go to a lot of frat parties, literally
everyone's hammered. (dance music)
A girl's like broken her neck before falling off the roof,
but-- (laughs)
Other than that it's fun. - YOLO! (laughs)
- If you're not breaking your neck at a frat party--
- I broke my neck at a frat party, it was fierce.
- Are you even living, are you alive, Judy?
- [Narrator] I think I'm ready for some more men.
- [Katya] Jesus. (upbeat music)
- [Trixie] Oh my god.
This is what I would do with that guys piss.
- [Narrator] Just what I ordered.
- Serve it up, tea service, honey, tea service.
I would say, "Is this your piss?
"Oh this is your piss."
(clanks)
"I got his piss"
Cheers.
- Hi, I'm Halie, nice to meet you.
- Wow, that's some really good piss, thank you.
- Yeah, I'd be like, "Excuse me, would you please
"snap my neck?"
- "Would you collapse my trachea?'
- [Katya] I have an interesting proposition
for you, young man.
- When they come at me with that accent, oh my god.
- [Katya] Harry.
- My success rate with celebrities is absolutely zero.
- [Katya] Oh so he's trying to fuck up the food chain.
- Girl, controversial opinion, he ain't that cute.
Sharron could bench press you, look at them.
- Yeah, yeah.
- [Trixie] Oh her hair though.
I mean, ick that wig.
- [Katya] It looks a little roasty, toasty.
- It's dried, fried, and laid to the side.
(classical music)
- How do you describe the quintessential British gentleman?
David, brains and brawn, #lovesasexparty. (laughs)
- Oh.
(upbeat music)
- I don't really have lines.
I don't really have a strategy.
Basically I just walk up to a bar and--
- Trixie Mattel has left the chat.
- Bye, bitch. (laughs)
- [Trixie] Here's what I like about him, his ears,
and the fact that he talks out of one side of his head.
- Like this.
(dramatic music)
Yep, yep.
- Cheers to sexy people.
- [Katya] Cheers, to sexy people.
- [Trixie] A cheers I will never be apart of.
- [Narrator] But in less than 12 hours,
they will be pushed on the path
toward relationship enlightenment.
- Okay so I kind of like this.
I like that this sort of, on the macro scale,
examines the question, if you didn't (beep) first--
- Whoa, the under boob cleavage,
I am 100% (snaps) here for.
(upbeat music)
- I have 310,000 followers right now.
- I have 2 million, eat shit. (laughs)
Not that it's a competition. (upbeat music)
- But this bald, (beep) troll--
- Does these mean that I'm seven
and a half times hotter than you?
I guess so.
- (laughs) Yes.
- My face isn't too bad I don't think, so.
- [Trixie] My face isn't too bad I don't think.
- If I just make eye contact and then it's game over.
- Not relatable content, not--
You know what?
(laughs)
- [Katya] Oh, a hobo wonders in onto the set.
- [Trixie] This is going to be the one the girls all want.
- Sure, wait why?
- They all want the piece of shit with no job,
like they're too good for that.
- The broke ass--
- [Trixie] Yes, "He has like a lot of clothes on
"and his hair smells like a dead cat,
"I just think it's hot."
- Yo, this is a fit group.
- In this heat you're wearing a beanie.
- Is it like a religious thing or?
(screams)
- Is it a religious thing?
(laughs)
- Who is this character?
- [Katya] He's got the Jesus mystic.
- I am a deep thinker. - [Katya] Oh god.
- [Trixie] He has owned a hackie sack.
(upbeat music)
- I've often joked about spreading my seed
and just kind of rolling the dice with my genetic build
with different women, (laughs) and races around the world.
- Katya, I'm (beep) sick of it.
I'm so sick of this show.
- I literally want to set myself on fire.
- I'm so sick of the straight people.
- I want to douce myself in gasoline,
I want to set myself on fire,
and I want to run careening through that beachfront
paradise they got here, and I want to just--
- I'm going to start committing terrorists acts
at places of heterosexual worship.
(laughs)
"Why did you poison the water hole at the lady footlocker?"
I'll be like, "Because they don't act good on TV."
(chimes)
- Can I talk to you about something, honey?
- Are you horny. (classical music)
- I am, it's horantine.
- Who are you going to have sex with, when you get to?
- Who am I not going to do?
Who am I not going to have sex with?
I literally just want to cut a hole in my roof,
put my legs up, and put the pussy in the wind.
- Your sober coach is with you right now.
- Sure is.
- I think that's fate.
- What do you mean?
Should I fuck him? - At least if you (beep) him,
he knows what you're not doing.
- (laughs) Yeah, that's true. (laughs) (laughs)
- (laughs) Oh my god.
- Listen, I think a lot of
people are really horny right now, but--
- Everybody's jerking off, they're pulling the padge,
two, three, four, five times a day.
- No they're not. (dramatic classical music)
- I have the data, yes they are.
It's all on the list,
I've compiled a lot of data from friends and acquaintances.
People are wilding out with their genitalia,
but see I don't have a boyfriend,
I'm just a lost little girl.
I'm just a little girl. (laughs)
- The fact that you think you're a little girl,
you are lost.
You're deeply lost.
(dramatic classical music)
Momma roll the tape, she's lost.
(chimes) (upbeat music)
- [Narrator] Get ready for some double trouble.
- Oh my got, that girl is, oh my god.
- She's stunning.
- I would rate myself a 10 out of 10.
- [Katya] Yeah I would say she's a 10 out of 10 as well.
- I love when a woman has a huge forehead
and a middle part.
It's like, and what let's make it bigger.
You know what I mean?
- My ideal type of guy, they need to have a job, please.
(upbeat music)
Dear lord have a job. (snapping)
Tattoos are a plus.
- Sounds good. (fast paced rock music)
- I was in an all girls school run by nuns.
- I used to go to school and now I'm a hooker.
And with your $20 and my $20--
- Within like three dates, I just give them the snip.
- She's giving vasectomies. - She circumcises them.
- She does--
(laughs)
- She's a model.
- She's like, "I don't like your attitude, vasectomy."
- [Narrator] Thank you, producers!
(screams)
- Hello!
- Whoa!
- [Trixie] See they're all going to want
to get dicked down by him. - [Katya] Yeah.
- Do straight people know the word dicked down?
- I believe they do.
I believe they are familiar with that term. (laughs)
- They're going to steal it from us,
just like they steal everything else from us.
- (laughs) Yeah.
- "Hi, I'm looking to get dicked down."
- Dicked down. - "I used to live with nuns.
"Now I'm looking to get dicked down with a double."
(laughs)
That's you, that's totally you.
- Totally momma.
- He's a big guy though, you know. He's very cute.
He can toss me a few miles.
- [Trixie] We could all toss you a few miles.
- [Katya] You weight 30 pounds, honey.
- I've got a lion tattoo here, (upbeat music)
it's basically how I see myself.
- [Katya] Tiger king.
- "Lion King" was always my favorite movie.
- [Katya] Oh, "Lion King".
- Tiger king was always my favorite movie,
that's what he said.
(bell dings) (upbeat music)
- [Virtual Assistant] I will observe the guests.
Once 12 hours has elapsed, they'll have to adhere
to the rules of this retreat.
- On hour eight you will insert this in your ass.
- (laughs) Yeah.
- That does look a little like
it's going up there you know.
- [Katya] It does, hello.
- Now I'm just like, ready to just on a baby cheetah
and just pull him into my web, you know?
- She really thinks cheetah's has webs.
Mary, cheetah's doesn't have webs.
- (laughs) Mary, are you a spider or a kitty?
- David's body, I want to lick it.
Kell's body, I want to lick it.
Harry's body, I want to lick it.
- [Trixie] You just want a Popsicle.
- [Narrator] The girls have had their boxes well
and truly ticked.
- [Trixie] Your box has ticks?
- Let's be honest, having an English accent
in America, is like having a 12 inch dick.
- Ah, no, no, no.
- Guess that gives me a British accent.
(laughs)
- Men like Kells is a star.
- [Katya] Did he just refer to himself in the third person?
- Yeah, he's gutted, girl. (bell dings)
- Yeah, I'm not featuring him.
We just got every flavor a man could imagine.
We got vanilla bean to caramel to butter pecan.
- [Katya] Oh god.
- Oh. - I don't like it,
when they describe them as food.
- Not based on color. - That was strange.
- This guy doesn't even know that many foods.
He was like vanilla bean, chocolate bean, Chinese bean,
he like ran out of flavors.
(laughs)
He just started going straight to ethnicity.
- It's like, yo--
- Harry's from Australia
and I literally have no idea where that is.
- [Katya] She doesn't know where Australia is?
- Sit on this.
Sorry about my shorts, they're a bit tight.
- [Katya] Sorry about my dick and balls.
- You can't be looking at me like that.
- It's the sun you know.
- Yeah. - It's in my eyes.
- What is this answer.
This is the thing, when you're this hot,
you can say anything.
- Really, is that true?
- Yes!
- "My shorts are tight, keep your eyes up here."
She was like-- (laughs)
That's why people don't know where Australia is,
'cause one day at school she was like, "Where's Australia?"
And people were like-- (laughs)
(chimes) (classical music)
Do you remember how earlier in the year my resolution
was to have sex in drag this year.
- Yeah, you have not completed that task.
- This was not the year for it apparently.
- No.
- Also my boyfriend goes the other day, "So I was watching
"one of your shows and apparently your resolution this year
"is to have sex with someone in drag?"
And I was like, "Yeah, don't worry about it." (laughs)
- (laughs) Baby, don't you worry about that.
- I already know my outfit though.
It is going to be a little '60's
'cause it's going to be a little bit Brigitte Bardot.
Don't you think that's a good middle point for me?
- Love it, oh it's perfect, perfect.
- Where it's like bumped but not wide,
black turtle neck, right full coverage,
sheer black legs.
- Turtle neck?
- Like a skimpy, skin tight thin turtle neck, like--
- Okay, okay.
- Then like a mini skirt.
- Yeah with little Go-go boots.
- And I'll have my toes painted.
Not with nail polish, but you know house paint,
you know number nine acrylic.
(laughs)
It'll be skin colored.
So I just will look like I have no toenails. (chimes)
- Where would I possibly go in that--
- [Trixie] I would kill and gut someone
to look like either of them.
- Either gender, oh my god.
- I ran into a witch and she said, "You must bring me the"
you know whatever, "Bring me the heart of a virgin."
I would be murdering someone tonight
with this hairbrush.
(laughs)
- You need a bit of lotion?
- I do, can I get some.
- I love that she's deep, deep skin
and already has sun lotion on,
and he's like, "Oh, I think you're burning."
- Yeah, he goes right for her ass.
Is this what straight people do?
- I really don't think so.
- Gay people have the stereotype that we're slutty,
look a that, "Can I finger blast your (beep)
"with some Banana Boat?"
(laughs) (upbeat music)
What the (beep) is this?
He is literally just--
- That's a great peach.
- It's the kind that comes naturally, you know?
- Jesus.
- Is he fully boned up now?
I bet he probably is.
- [Narrator] Because in less than eight hours time
a talking air freshener-- (rhythmic guitar music)
- [Katya] They make it look like
those little Alexas are just going to gas the place.
- Well, David, is it hard for you to get erect
when you have C02 going into your airwaves
in the middle of the night, goodnight. (laughs)
- Do you see yourself with her longterm though?
When I say longterm, I mean like, four weeks.
- We have more in common than I thought.
- Yes, yes, yeah. (laughs)
- When I say long term I mean, you (beep) on her
and let her stay in the bed, yeah.
- Yeah till the morning. (laughs)
- You let her lay in bed till the spot on her stomach dries
and she can chip it off with her acrylic.
- [Narrator] A great British butt massage and now it--
(laughs)
- I think all them ladies look great,
but I think I have my eye on Rhonda.
- Now that they've mentioned it, he is four feet tall.
- I've just learned that in the gay world,
short people are completely invisible.
Did you know that?
- Oh, they absolutely are.
- If you're under 5'9", you might as well
just jump into a volcano.
- If you're 5'7" you better have a dick made out of money.
You better have a roll of money where your dick is.
What about you, do you care about height, you don't care?
- I don't give a (beep) 3'10" 450, it doesn't matter.
- Come on you can sit right here.
- All right, cover that thing up, please. (laughs)
- Let's get comfortable.
- He looks like a backpack on her.
If I was turned on, my dick would splash straight
through that throw pillow,
like a sword in the stone skewered.
A little pillow, you think a little throw pillow?
You better lay a cement brick there,
you better hope that I don't karate kick through it.
(laughs)
- You good? (laughs)
- [Katya] Does he have a boner?
- Okay maybe this is a straight people thing.
If you were going to lay next to me
and then get a boner next to me,
we're not just walking inside.
I'm going to have to see that dick.
(laughs)
I'm looking to see a shadow puppet.
- Yeah.
- [Trixie] I want to see Thor's hammer, bitch.
- What's boyfriend dick?
- It's not too big, not too small, just perfect,
looks pretty.
- Girl.
- Is that a thing?
Is that a thing?
- I don't, well I think it's a thing.
If I had to pick a dick to sit on, forever,
I'm not trying to have this "Saw" movie dick.
I'd want to have something I can survive.
(chimes)
- The was-- (classical music)
Although, there was a guy,
his little wiener was so small that-- (laughs)
(laughs)
I (laughs) was--
I went to town, it was in drag by the way.
Just a little context.
I was on top, I was wilding out
like I was at the Kentucky Derby.
I was tossing the hair back and forth and I didn't realize--
- Wait, wait, wait when you say tossing the hair,
you took it off and you were throwing it.
There was three actually, three wigs, juggling.
- Yeah. (laughs)
(dramatic classical music)
- And girl, I swear to God, at least three
to four minutes went by where I realized that thing
wasn't even inside me.
It has just come out 'cause it's so little.
This little like, little pay stub, it was just.
(laughs)
- This little Lip Smacker, this little Doctor Pepper
Lip Smacker.
- But you're right, it's like sometimes you don't want
to have that, it's a lot to--
- You don't want Fear Factor dick.
(laughs)
You don't, but you also don't want kindergarten dick.
- Yeah you don't want an elevator button, yeah.
You don't want an elevator button.
- Yeah, somewhere in the middle.
(chimes)
- Here we go.
- [Katya] Oh my God their Leg Avenue hoochie dresses.
- Completely. - Totally.
- They're just at the sex store off the freeway.
- All right so we're going to play the blind fold, guys.
There is no rules, just do whatever.
(upbeat dance music)
- Oh, he's going to be like, "Francesca, did you
"just fart in my mouth?"
(laughs)
- The guys are like drooling at them.
- I like this freak, raised by nuns.
- I put on the blind fold and then slow motion
walk through those embers.
You smell those cooking feet?
(laughs)
On the bone.
(upbeat music)
- [Katya] Girl they're going
to feel your Freddy Kruger nails two seconds.
- [Trixie] Yeah, hello.
- I'm just going to go straight in the deep end.
Let the boys know that I am all for Francesca.
- Please tell me he just slips it in.
- (laughs) He just--
- He's like, "I'm really going to show everyone
"that I'm serious about this."
- Yeah. (laughs)
(laughs) I'm going to do it.
- I'm going to fuck this bitch right now. (laughs)
- [Trixie] I think he's going to put her hand in warm water
and see if she'll pee herself.
(laughs)
- Gone weak in the knees.
- Put her to bed, get that wrist, put it in warm water
and just wait. (laughs)
- (laughs) Yes, go ahead.
(upbeat music)
- [Trixie] He just snaps her neck.
(laughs)
(upbeat music)
- Harry, he's got his eye on Francesca.
The perfect one. (laughs)
- That girl, she could rob bank with no gun
and no threats.
- Yeah.
- She could just ask for money. (dramatic music)
- Hello, I'm Lana.
- I'd be in a room alone getting no message
'cause I would have already shoved that up my ass.
- What the fuck is it? - What's going on?
- Do I hear anything.
- You are not here for the reasons you may think.
- [Katya] I love it that they're setting it up that they're
all about to be chemically castrated.
- [Trixie] One of you will be stoned
to death within the hour.
- Yeah, you will all be burnt alive.
- You have been specially selected
because all of you are having meaningless flings
over genuine relationships.
- [Katya] I want to see their faces when
they get their dicks chopped off.
- You will have to abstain from sexual practices
for the entirety of your stay.
- No, sex for more than a week, whoa!
(laughs)
Well they can't masturbate either?
- This will also apply to self gratification.
(laughs)
(snaps) - What I knew that was coming.
- What does that mean?
- No masturbation. - No masturbating.
(gasps)
- None of them knew what that meant until then!
They didn't know what it was, they didn't know what it was.
"Something in Australia, I don't know what."
- "No self gratification.
"Oh good, I thought you said we weren't going
"to be able to masturbate."
- These little idiots are going to explode.
- Look at all their body language.
Like their moms just died.
(chimes) (dramatic classical music)
- Well the straights are at it again.
- And we'll say, since we are living in the time
of Quarantina Aguilera, this show is really going
to speak to people.
- Yeah, yeah.
I wish the stakes were a little bit higher though.
- I do too like if you cheat or kiss or anything--
- You lose a toe or a finger or something like that.
- Yeah, like you know we dip your mom in sulfuric acid,
I don't know something like that.
- (laughs) Yeah, we murder your whole family.
Well, that's straight people for you.
Too Hot to Handle.
(laughs)
It's a lot on many levels
and I don't know how I feel about it.
- It's a lot to handle.
- (laughs) Yeah it's a lot.
It's a little too much to handle.
- It's a pressure cooker,
we're asking hot sluts to not be hot sluts.
(dramatic classical music)
You know who would really excel at this?
(triumphant music)
This was her moment, sis.
If you'd like to watch Too Hot to Handle,
you can tune in on Netflix.
- That's right.
(dramatic music)